BMS FPL Recap Archive

Gentleman. It’s time. Today is the day we’ve all been waiting for. After a summer of slutting myself out to whatever men would trade with me, the season arrives at last. I am still a trade-whore deep down though so hit up your boy for a late night, “you up? wanna trade?” text whenever you want.

The Prem starts today, but more than that a journey starts. We start a fantasy season in which you’ve kept two players each. In which draft picks have been traded. In which we drafted in one place, record deals in another, and score on yet another app. Why you might ask? Why do we go to these lengths? The answer is simple. Greatness. Your commissioners, Donnie and I aren’t just fantasy geniuses sent down to show you the ways of manipulation and trade and waiver-wire brilliance. We are the chosen ones meant to lead a league unlike any other into the unknown. A beautiful unknown, where greatness awaits. Some people are born great. Not us. Some people achieve greatness. Not us. Some, have greatness thrust upon them. That’s what we have today gentleman. The chance to become great. The footballing gods are thrusting their greatness deep inside us and it’s down to us to answer the call. Immortality awaits you this season, you must simply reach out and take it. Take what is yours.

After that poetic, homoerotic preamble, let’s get into our season previews!

First up, Dylan. My man finished last in the Prem but used that top draft spot to absolutely obliterate me in the trade market and get 6 picks for 1st overall. He’s used those picks to draft a deep and powerful squad. And has extra draft capital next summer if he decides to go all in this year. It’s a prove-it season for him. He’s got the players and picks to be successful, he’s got the footballing brain, but does he have the fantasy chops? We look forward to finding out.

Next, Chabo Chabo. So nice we named him twice. Seriously, we all love him. But you know what Alex, you don’t want that. You don’t want us to love you, you want us to fear you. Gone are the days we call you Smoothie. You’ve made a key acquisition this year as Wardo joins your staff. Will he be an important member and given your passcode so he can set lineups if you forget (please do this) or will he just order sandwiches and get a little ripple from you? This is your moment to prove all the people wrong. All the times Donnie made fun of you in monopoly, in Catan, in fantasy. There are those that say, “Chabo has finished bottom two for three straight years.” Those people are your commissioners. Prove us wrong Chabo. You’ve got the know-how, you’ve got the clever gene. You know business. You know negotiation. You know the inner Jewish secrets of success that only me, you, Justin, and Daniel Levy can translate into football. This is your fuck you season. Your time to EVOLVE.

Next, Ethan ELLSWORTH!!! Miss hearing that every Bowdoin match. Ethan is actually my guy, when all the older guys were asked about fantasy Prem they scoffed. But not Ethan. Not post-college, marathon-running, golden-haired, ripped-muscles, absolute baller Ethan. Seriously, if you haven’t seen Ethan since college he’s actually had the GOAT glow up. But staying straight for a second, let’s talk fantasy. There is probably nobody in this group (besides me) who has loved the prem as long or intensely as Ethan has. So of course I am rooting for him to show that understanding in fantasy. He drafted well last summer but got unlucky, with fewer picks this year the odds are stacked against him. But god dammit give this man some iron and watch him COOK. After finishing second third bottom, he’s looking for a bounce-back season to prove…well to nobody really anything now that I think about it…we all know he knows ball. I guess he’s just having fun.

Finishing 4th bottom last season was Drizzy. We all know that Drake is one of, if not the most talented people in this group. But it’s one thing dominating the women’s game though, it’s another thing entirely being able to dominate fantasy PL. It takes guile, it takes sneakery, it takes devotion. Does he have it in him? There’s rumours circulating that he should re-tool for next season. There’s rumours are my thoughts, yes. But the world is his oyster and he’s the only one that’s going to see me on Sunday when I drive to Boston so right now he’s my favourite of all of you so I want him to win fantasy!

Finishing 6th last year was Julius. And as you can tell I’ve been typing these and I’m getting exhausted and I don’t wanna keep commenting on how good everyone looks (seriously we’ve got a great-looking group of friends here and Julius may be top). He gets it. He realised he wasn’t going to win the league so he made a smart managerial move and retooled. Now the one thing he didn’t consider is how important the cup is. It’s the one trophy Donnie and I covet more than anything else. Julius might not have the best team on paper this year, but he’s got a team geared for the future. Will he once again retool or will he go in for the cup maybe? I dunno, but after watching the Charity Shield I’m having serious regrets about giving up Wirtz if I’m honest, baller. Throw in Sesko and Gyokeres and there’s some serious potential there. My pick for a surprise top-half finish and deep cup run.

We now move into the upper echelons of society. Those that finished in the top half. Lukey luke managed to finish 5th despite trading away Palmer and not trading any of the extra picks he acquired during the season. After a summer where he had every opportunity to draft a superstar team, there are doubts if he took advantage. Having to hear Justin go, “oh no Luke” every other draft pick must’ve hurt? Must make you angry. Must make you wanna just go out and finish ahead of Justin this season. Use the anger, channel it as all good villains do. Also, come up to visit the northeast man, we miss you!

Next up me, I need no rambling story. You all know I eat and breathe this league and I apologise for being such a slut in the trade market.

More interestingly is the House/Haydo team. A team that defied all expectations (and statistics) last season by making a cup run all the way to the final and finishing in the top 3. All this, despite their best player probably being Chris Wood…and being one of the worst point scorers in the league. But the football gods smiled down upon them and bestowed them with great purpose. The cherry-inspired cityzens House and Haydo were great additions to the league and look likely to be an ever-present fixture in the top half of the table. Good trading partners as well, and don’t forget Haydo that the offer still stands—hook me up with Cam McKenzie and you can half Palmer, Saka, Salah, and Watkins!

Now for the big dogs. Justin Miller. Was there ever any doubt that he’d be good in this league? Is it anti-Semitic for me to even ask that question? Am I even allowed to be anti-Semitic despite being Jewish? What is being Jewish? All important questions that I’m sure Justin can answer just like he answered the call to arms last season. He joined us, and made a big fucking statement. He didn’t just win the cup, he went fucking yard and bodied the shit out of everyone to win the cup. And people sleep on one of the most incredibly unlucky title surges in history. From 15 pts adrift he went into the final day needing a win to clinch the double and cement himself as the top dog. But yours truly, once the top dog himself, stood in the way. I kinda regret it cause I hate Donnie and hate that he’s so good at fantasy. But it’s the love of the game right? Speaking of, nobody has taken to fantasy PL better than Justin, it’s just his love of the game and we love him for it.

Last but certainly not least. It’s the king. Donnie. First, a little ripple for him as the greatest commissioner of all time. From the $5 payments each week, to the recaps, to the lineal belt. This man has done more for fantasy soccer than anyone else I know. If there was a Mount Rushmore of fantasy legends he’d be etched up there. Back-to-back titles. Haaland keeper. This man really is the most dominant fantasy beast out there. He is king and I’m absolutely coming for his throne but at the end of the day, you gotta give it up for greatness and this man is great. We owe him a debt of gratitude for this league and I personally thank him for being the best person to run a league with. Seriously though, everyone put the robber on Donnie!

Fellas! Who’s ready for another season of FPL!?!? The pain, the joy, the ‘“You up?” texts from Levi at 1am, the “Cmon Cherries” texts from house whenever he realizes Bournemouth are playing, the 30 failed waiver requests from Donny, the full Spurs team rostered for Chabo Chabo????? Damn it feels good to be a gangsta (make believe sports manager).

Now! Without further ado, let’s get into the usuals!

Our top scorer of the week was … Chabo! The offseason headlines surrounding this manager were quite negative and quite strong. Multiple bottom 2 finishes in a row, inexplicable favoritism towards his favorite team’s defenders (who last year didn’t know they were supposed to stop the other team from scoring) and a general lack of moves made. Well in gameweek 1 he got two clean sheets from Spurs defenders, picked up Ndoye who scored and got bonus, and now sits top of the table. That is how you answer critics.

Our bottom scorer(s) of the week were … a tie between Julius and House/Haydo! The only two teams to start 3 forwards, and each of their forward lines combined for 3 points. Coincidence, or causation? Everyone can be their own judge, but I would be surprised if we see 3 forward lineups again…

Reminder! Top scorer requests the bottom scorer $5. There is a rule change this year that instead of teams splitting the $5 if they tie, they each pay $5. No more bailouts just because someone else was also bad. Chabo, make sure you collect that $10.

AND NOW! The first Lineal Belt matchup of the season between your reigning champ from last year, and his game week opponent, Levi vs Lukey! While this one ended being relatively close (only a 6 point win for Lukey) it never felt like it. Once the Saturday matches started, Lukey comfortably held a lead, and while he never landed a knockout punch, his jabs and quick feet (😜) helped him to victory. Next week he looks to defend his belt against last year’s cup winner and his best fwiend, Justin!

Another reminder! Lineal Belt winner requests from the Lineal Belt loser.

Now for some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Dylan! The man who had all the draft picks came up week 1 against the back-to-back champ, and gave him the Derrick Henry stiff arm. Starting with a Semenyo 15 pointer he never let Donny get within arms reach.

Shoutout to Donny! A bit unlucky this week, as he was the only manager to score in the top half of the league and still come out with a loss. But that’s fantasy baby, get used to it!

Shoutout to league parity across seasons! Four of the top five from last year lost week 1 and four of the bottom five from last year won. Was this just a result of a reverse table non-snake draft? Or will the table truly be flipped this year? Only time will tell…

Gameweeks will be coming at a regular interval for the foreseeable future, meaning waivers are Thursday and lineups must be set Saturday am. Also to be clear, if you want a trade to happen for a given week, it must be accepted before waivers happen.

Don’t forget to set those lineups! And wow it feels good to be back!

As I’ve shared with some of you, I traveled to Iceland last week. It’s an incredible country filled with some of the most unique nature on the planet. And also home to some of the most hilarious people.

The minute I got off the plane I went straight on an Icelandic food tour, where I was greeted by my local guide, Dave. Dave is a legend. 22 years old, he just completed an industrial engineering degree, he plays piano at bars in his spare time, and told me he drank 50 beers in 24 hours once. After seeing him drink on the tour (apparently guides can do that in Iceland?) I was quite convinced.

Dave and I became fast friends, he even shared with me his flask full of what I hope was just terribly tasting vodka and not shark piss. At one point during the tour we were chatting footy and got onto the topic of FPL. While he doesn’t play, he asked me lots of questions and wanted to know if I was any good. As the humble man I am, I quickly told him about the 2 stars in front of my team name and shared with him how I got screwed in the cup the last two years. Seriously, I got screwed.

He congratulated me, and said he had an Icelandic nickname that aptly described me based on these incredible accomplishments - Hæfileikalausi Kóngurinn. I was honored that a local would bestow upon me what I thought was some Viking name or phrase for conquerer. The food tour ended, Dave and I said our goodbyes, and I walked away feeling as confident as ever.

About a week later, once home, I finally get online to google what the nickname meant in English. After some serious trial and error, because who the fuck can spell Icelandic words, I got it! But … uh … it wasn’t what I expected. Turns out that nickname means “The Talentless King”. Ah Dave, you and your Icelandic sense of humor.

Gameweek 2 has come and gone, and while I have been given an Icelandic nickname, there are plenty more to give out this week! So let’s get right into it, and start off with the usuals!

Our top scorer of the week, bestowed the nickname Fjallsterkur, was Ethan! Meaning “mountain strong” this nickname is less directed at Ethan but more at Timber. Scoring a meteoric 24 points (the third highest ever for an FPL defender since FPL existed) Timber was quite literally a mountain that Ethan’s opponent, Donny, couldn’t climb.

Our bottom scorer of the week, and you already know his Icelandic nickname, is Donny! Lots of terrible things can be said about his team this week, but I think the best way to capture it all is to point out that his team had more OGs + red cards than CSs + As + Gs. And to make matters worse, the red card challenge by Gordon was on VVD, another Donny player. The Hæfileikalausi Kóngurinn, everybody!

The lineal belt changes hands again this week, as Justin earns his Icelandic nickname of Sigurvegari, meaning victory-bearer. Lukey only had a short run with the belt, and walks away with the Icelandic nickname Snarljós which essentially means a flash in the pan. He was only a 1 week champ! Next week the Sigurvegari will defend his honor against Fjallsterkur in what will be a great battle!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to the Úlfur í sauðargærus, or as we know them, Wardo and Chabo! This nickname loosely translates to ‘wolves in sheep’s clothing’ as this pair were seen as an afterthought by most of the league, but after the first two weeks should be anything but. The only team to score 50+ each week, beware of underestimating them the rest of the year…

Shoutout to Levi, or as you should now call him, Án varaplána. Loosely translating to “without a backup plan”, injuries to starts Palmer and Saka may kill his season before it even gets a chance to start. Can he build a championship level team with only 3 healthy midfielders? That is a task even the Vikings wouldn’t want to take on… And they chose to eat shark fermented in its own piss…

Shoutout to league parity! No Icelandic nicknames given in this one, but just like last week, I want to point out that the bottom 5 from last year are currently the top 5, and vice versa. Incredible!

No games until Saturday this week, so waivers will be Friday AM. Make sure to be checking your teams and don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas! The international break is in full swing, and there have been some interesting results. Looking across the scores this past week, I’ve decided 2 things:

1. Haaland’s goals for Norway should also count for my FPL team
2. The US probably wouldn’t have qualified for the WC if we weren’t hosting it

There is still a few days of games before the Prem returns at the weekend. And to make sure that we are all ready to go, here’s the weekly FPL recap to get you all back into the mood!

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was … Drizzy! The Grand-Larseys planned an Ocean’s 11 level heist, stealing 56 points on their way to the second biggest haul of any team so far this year. I like to hope that Drake celebrated his win as much, or even more, than Bruno and Dalot against Burnley… :)

Bottom scorer of the week was … Levi! Injuries and transfer drama basically made this week a wash for him from the beginning and only 1 return from him 11 meant a total of 23 measly points. He was the only team to score under 30 this past week, and now is the only team to not have eclipsed 40 in any gameweek so far. It’s been a first month to forget for the former former former champ…

The Lineal Belt this week was ripped out of the hands of Justin by one of the only two undefeated teams in the league … Ethan! So far this belt is like a hot potato, or Dirty C, as nobody seems to want to hold onto it for long. Ethan will look to be the first to successfully defend it when he takes on the highest scorer from this past week, Drizzy.

Some other shoutout across the league!

Shoutout to Donny! One of the only two teams without a point so far this year. Wolves are the only team without a point in the Prem. He also is going to lose both his fantasy football week 1 matchups this week. Shitty time to be Donny.

Shoutout to Lukey! He wins his matchup by the skin of his penis, thank God he never had it removed! This 1 point victory gives him two wins out of three, although it seems that luck has been a factor. He currently holds the lowest points scored per point won in the table across the league.

Shoutout to House and Haydo! They’re on the board with their first win of the season. Sure it was against Levi, but everyone will get a chance to play him, so don’t worry!

Shoutout to the back 5! Big Sam would be proud, as just shy of half the teams this week started a full back line. It came with mixed results, two wins and two ties, so we will see if these managers stick with it next week. With so few forwards available, and injuries/suspensions to key midfielders, this Recapper predicts it could still be a popular lineup going forward.

The transfer window has officially closed, and there was a serious flurry of deals at the end. I would recommend everyone, no matter where you are in the table, do some reading of Fabrizio’s twitter feed so you can make some informed moves. Waivers will process this Friday am, so make sure to put in your choices prior to that and as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

If ever there was a week to satisfy and entertain the neutrals who follow along BMS FPL, this was the one. Four of the five matches were decided by single digits. The two league leaders lost, and the two teams at the bottom of the table both won. This league has it all. Someday we’ll have a global following, I just know it.

Let’s check in on just how all this drama went down. Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Levi! The lineups show that he may have lucked into this award, as he started a goalie that didn’t play, and his backup GK subbed on with 10 points. That substitution won him this award, and his matchup. But I don’t think Levi will care how his first win of the year happened, just that it did. And against top of the table Chabo/wardo no less!

Bottom scorer of the week was Ethan! Pumping out 39 points and still being lowest scorer is a tough one to swallow. Our stats intern went back and did some research, and this is the highest lowest weekly score ever. Ouch.

The lineal belt was RIPPED out of the hands of our previous champ, Ethan , and is now on the waist of our new champ, Drake! This is the 4th time in as many weeks that the lineal belt champ has failed to defend their title. This is one slippery award. Now it’s Drake’s turn to try and change that narrative as he takes on a previous winner in Justin.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Donny! The former champ gets his first win of the season. Yet he’s still stuck in 9th place. His new signing of Woltemade looks like a coup, and he may have been worth the rumored tanking he went through the first 3 weeks.

Shoutout to Lukey! Winning by the skin of his foreskin yet again, he has now won back to back weeks by 1 point.

On the flip side of that matchup, shoutout to Dylan! Tsk tsk, Dylan. Having 4 defenders who didn’t play was absolutely killer. If any one of those guys just got the standard 2 points, this would have been a dub…

And a final (second) shoutout to Ethan! He joins an infamous group of managers to lose the lineal belt and get lowest scorer in one week. Thant’s gotta hurt the wallet!

Waivers will process tonight, so make sure to get those claims in. And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

I’ve been rewatching Ted Lasso recently, and wow that show just has some incredible moments. One of my favorites scenes is when Ted is playing a high stakes game of darts against Rupert, and this FPL week felt at times just like that iconic showdown. A few managers swaggered in, pint in hand, certain they’d already won before a single dart was thrown. But just like Rupert’s grin faded with every bullseye Ted landed, those managers who thought they had it all figured out stumbled. Instead, the quiet managers lurking at the back of the pub hit their mark again and again, leaving the overconfident lot staring at the scoreboard in disbelief. Turns out, some of you might’ve been a little too judgmental… and not nearly curious enough about who was actually due for points and wins.

Four teams sat tied for the lead with 9 points prior to least week, and three of them fell to those aforementioned managers sitting deeper down in the table. The early days of this league have left us without a clear runaway team, although one does currently sit at the top….

Let’s see who they are, why they may or may not be for real, and everything else going on in BMS FPL!

Starting out with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was … Donny! A name which has been in this part of the recap many times in the past, yet this is his first win this season. After a three game losing streak, his team has come roaring back to life to jump out of the bottom three. A big big matchup awaits the two time defending champ next week, as he gets his first shot at the Lineal Belt this year.

Bottom scorer of the week was … Levi! He sandwiches his highest scorer award from last week with lowest scorer ones, and his team is a bit like a box of chocolates right now. Sitting solo in 10th, it’s been a rough first 5 gameweeks for the former league champ, and he’ll look to use his top waiver position to continue to add talent to his team.

The Lineal Belt this week was DEFENDED for the first time this season as Drake won by the skin on Luke’s foreskin (God I love this joke right now), defeating Justin by just a singular point. He is the first manager to defend the Lineal Belt so far this year, and now he sits atop the standings at 12 points, the only team with double digits. Going into the season, Grand-Larseny wasn’t ranked highly by pundits who cover the league. And yet, through the draft and some clever waiver moves he’s constructed a team that is competing every week. Does this make him the favorite for the rest of the year? I wouldn’t go that far just yet, but he has a chance to make progress towards that distinction if he can defend the Lineal Belt against this week’s top scorer.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Julius! An abysmal week in which the mighty Dan Burn scored 40% of his team’s points was masked by the fact that he got to play Levi. Sometimes is better to be lucky than good!

Shoutout to close matchups! This is the third week in a row where a matchup was decided by 1 point.

Shoutout to Justin. A devastating 1 point loss in the Lineal Belt this past week was all the more disappointing because he left 11 point scorer DCL on his bench. But obviously, if you start him this week, he’ll play 59 minutes with a yellow card and get 0 points. Sorry mate, that’s just how fantasy works.

Shoutout to dylan! For the second consecutive week he has 4 defenders scores 0 points. Somehow he won this week, and we’ll all be keeling a close eye to see if he does it again. Because as the legendary commentator pepper brooks once said to his buddy Cotton, “it’s a bold strategy…”

Waivers are this Friday am, so get those requests in! And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

This summer the pundits were talking, mumbling, and all starting to ask the same question: “Is BMS FPL a farmers league?”. Won by the same team 2 years in a row, and this same team only 3 points off the lead again this year. Do the fans want more parity?? Do the fans deserve more parity?? The pundits may say yes, but this Recapper says no! Currently on a 3 match win streak, I want everyone to know that I hope you’ve made the most of your early head start, because my boys (really just Haaland) are coming…

But this isn’t just a place for me to make myself feel good by writing about my success in a fake soccer league, other people deserve recognition too! So, without further ado, here is this week’s recaps!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Dylan! This was the most tightly contested week so far this year for this award, as two other teams finished with 50+ points and this week. But Dylan’s 56 was enough to take home the weekly award. And he has some fucking unknown Sunderland defender to thank. Nice job playing a real defender, I guess my recap bullying worked!

Bottom scorer of the week was Drake! Drake joins the unenviable club of the double losers award (which will be completed in the next shoutout). I hope your pay isn’t being impacted by this government shutdown! Because I know both weekly award winners will be collecting what’s owed to them.

The lineal belt was SNATCHED by the most handsome and intelligent manager in the league, Donny! A dominant display, (previously) league leading Drake and his squad just didn’t show up for this fight. I would post the classic Haaland meme we (Ethan and I) all know and love, but I’ll save it for next week when Haydo and House come to town to try and claim the belt for themselves.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Chabo and Wardo! After their hot hot start, it’s been a cold cold past few weeks. They’ve been unlucky at times with their opponent being top scorer, but now the injury bug really is hitting their team hard. They don’t have enough bench space to stash them their hurt and suspended players, so hard decisions will need to be made. The question is, does Wardo actually get any input ;)

Shoutout to Lukey! He’s currently tied for the league lead with 12 points, yet has the second fewest points scored. He’s always been good in tight things; matchups, spaces, whities. The advanced analytics say he’s due for a regression, but maybe winning a few matches ugly will help propel his team to win some beautifully.

There are Friday games this week, so lineups need to be set tomorrow! Waivers have passed, but there are plenty of good players available to fill those starting 11s!

Starting off with our worst matchup. Totally 58 pts between the two of them, which would’ve lost to two individuals…Justin and Ethan! Justin edges the win 30-28. Neither Isak, nor Mbeumo did much as captains. In fact, Justin’s team’s highest scorer was Minteh with 5 and then Mitchell with 4…abhorrent yes, but against Ethan who, besides Sarr, didn’t have a single player above 2, it was enough to get the job done.Our next worst matchup is yours truly, who scored 38 and bested Chabo and Wardo, who only got 22. Relying on Spurs will do that to you, whereas I played it smart and relied on the Sunderland keeper…Next, an absolute obliteration. Perhaps the first player in history to lose points via his captain. Drake’s lowest-scoring week of 18 made even worse by Bruno being in the negatives. His 17 pts got SMOKED by Julius’ 54. Captaining Gravenberch ended up being a smart move and puts him in top spot in his group on goal difference. Something that sneaky does matter come the end of group play!A very strong matchup between House/Haydo and Lukey boy. Neither Romero nor Wood did much as captains but the squads did well. 53 pts for House/Haydo would’ve been enough against most people this week but not against Lukey’s 57. House/Haydo could’ve captained Big Gabi, Welbeck, Rice, or Szlobolzalabkdysuadii and won. Alas, they relied on Spurs. Lukey was clowned for taking Doku as early as he did but he’s turned out to be a stud this season! As well as Michael Keane but we all knew he’s class…Finally, last but not least, our best matchup up the week was a firecracker. Donnie and Dylan went head-to-head. Donnie led by a captained Haaland and an extra 16 pts got him to 63. Highest of the week. Dylan captained Semenyo who added an extra 7, which…also got him to 63. Our two highest scorers faced off and drew—a brutal way to start and so unlucky given they’d have beaten anyone else. The red and white stripes of Sunderland (Alderete) and Brentford buoyed Dylan but it was a Monday night Bowen showen that snatched the draw back. Gotta love this cup drama baby

Alrighty!!! Our second cup matchweek is in the books!

First, we had yours truly beat Lukey! Honestly not too much in this one. Lukey scored 40 pts and I scored 41. Difference came down to captain. The ever reliable Saka is BACK and his 8 pts was enough for me to get the win. Lukey meanwhile will be regretting captaining Doku, who didn’t even start, instead of Gvardiol. Brutal.

Next, House/Haydo put the beat down on Justin. They had a great week and a great captain pick. Big Gabi is a big player. You may think Justin messed up captaining Richarlison, but fun fact; doesn’t matter who he captained he wasn’t going to win this one.

Third, Ethan pulls out a good win over Julius. Ethan was our highest cup scorer this week and J-Bone was our lowest cup scorer this week. Sometimes that’s just how it goes. Goal difference might matter so a big win for E and a big loss for J.

Next, our highest-scoring total matchup was between Dylan and Drake. This one was a toughie. Drake would’ve won this one if not for the masterclass of Semenyo. Dyl captained the right man and his extra 18 pts powered him to a convincing cup win. Sorry Drizzy

Finally, once again commissioner Donnie loves to keep us all on edge. He loves edging us so much that he had another nailbiter this week. He edged so hard that it came down to the final matchup, even the bonus pts of the final matchup! Haaland’s extra 8 pts is JUST enough to beat Chabo and Wardo. They didn’t put their trust in Grealish and as such they lose by just 1 pt! 42-41 in our lowest scoring matchup. Seriously Haaland is a cheat code; everyone forever put the robber on Donnie. Donnie, keep edging us—we’re close!

Fellas! This international break has felt longer than the wait for our first going out night of the season! But, just like every year, that fateful night does eventually come, and we the prem is finally back! This recap is going be *gulp* late. But if you don’t like it, submit a note into the complaint box (the trash can).

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer was Ethan! Defense wins championships, and last week Ethan’s 4 defenders averaged over 6 points. Let’s see if the manager can keep it up, because when I looked at his team this AM it was more red and orange than houseman after a beach day at Popham.

Bottom scorer of the week was a tie between wardos current team and his former one! Two teams toiling in mid table right now, a quick turnaround is needed for neither to fall too far behind the leaders. And remember, is $5 for each team, no more of this splitting the payment crap!

The Lineal Belt was politely pickpocketed from the reigning champ, Donny, by the new champs, House and Haydo! Donny become one of the few “double losers” of the season so far by being in the wrong end of both the weekly awards. House and Haydo, who seemingly set theirs lineup (nice!), take on the other team in the lowest scorer award from this recap, looking to retain the belt.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Julius! Wirtz was talked about as a potential generation FPL player over the summer. Yes, he’s struggled, but enough to be dropped? Well you tried to pick him back up and couldn’t, so it seems it was a mistake… Don’t worry, we all make them! Some are just worse than others…

Shoutout to Levi! In what was the pillow fight of the week between himself and the reigning cup winner, Levi prevailed by a singular point to sit 9th instead of 10th! Justin, never bring a feather pillow to a memory foam pillow fight!

Shoutout to Lukey! Winning another tight tight matchup by 2 points, he has the least amount of points for and is in second place. Can he stay there? Vegas and the betting public don’t seem to think so…

I know you can’t set your lineups anymore (sorry for late recap!) but so many people did waiver claims I feel good. So just enjoy watching the games!

Fellas! There were some statement performances this week, both good and bad. The table is starting to slowly stretch itself out, and the gap from last to first is 12 points instead of the 6 points it was just 2 weeks ago. Teams are starting to fulfill their draft day potential, and others are dropping faster than Drake when he gets touched inside the box. So, let’s see who’s on the up and who’s unsuccessfully diving for penalties, in this week’s recap!

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was house/haydo! The performance of the season so far, only two players in their 11 scored the standard 2 or less, and five (!) players scored 9 or more. Doing all this while holding the belt makes for a nice payday. This win shoots them up into the top half of the table for the first time this year, and they have now scored the most points out of any team.

Bottom scorer of the week was Julius! With only one player returning in his squad, it was a week to forget. At least his decision to drop Wirtz doesn’t look like a bad one, as he helpfully got Justin a singular point. With a team struggling for quality, Julius may need to make a trade (wink wink) to get his season back on track.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED by the reigning champs, House and Haydo! I’m not sure if they take turns wearing the belt or just wear it together, but it is firmly theirs. Only the second team to successfully defend it, they never left any doubt, just missing the season’s first 80 piece by a singular point. With the league fully on notice, Ethan comes to town to figure out how to unbuckle that thing and take it for himself.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Donny! His score of 72 is the highest weekly score to not get top scorer this season. One of those teams mentioned earlier moving their way up the table, his squad has also jumped into the top half for the first time this year.

Shoutout to Wardo/Chabo! It’s officially free fall for ChabosSpurs@Law as the losing streak is now at 5 games. A mix of injuries and just plain dumb bad luck of matching up against multiple highest scorers, it’s been a struggle this past month and a half. Incredibly they’re still the 4th highest scorer, so the underlying stats predict an upturn soon. But the stats don’t say how soon…

Shoutout to Lukey! After most wins have come by small margins, he finally gets the big W he’s been looking for from his squad. 3 in a row for Into the WOODwork, he’s tied on points at the top of the table and smelling blood.

Shoutout to Drake! Winner of 5 of his last 6, he sits at the top of the table. He’s grown quite comfortable up there so far this season, having spent more than half the year atop the table. It’s a great place to be, but as I’ve learned as a tall man, the higher up you are, the farther you have to fall. Let’s see if he can keep the winning ways going as the pressure starts to mount from behind.

Waivers are this Thursday, so make sure to get your claims in soon! And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

Our lowest-scoring matchup featured both lowest cup scorers this week. House/Haydo come out as the biggest loser, with only 33 points, while Ethan wins thanks to captaining Mbeumo. I shall never question his judgement again, nor shall I put faith in Spurs again. Ethan will consider himself lucky, he fails to gain 3 points against literally anyone else this week but finds himself in a great spot. Great teams find a way to win.

A high-scoring affair between Lukey and Donnie. Lukey’s team stormed to 59 pts, but only got to 60 due to Reece only playing 13 minutes. This left the door open for Donnie, who would’ve won had Haaland scored that pen. But the miss compounds and the result is a defeat despite a solid 48-point tally.

Our highest-scoring matchup sees yours truly lose because fucking Justin captained Gusto and got 68 bloody points. It’s rigged and I hate this. Screw you justin. That’s all I have to say.

Dylan beat me in the league and beat Julius in the cup. Further evidence that if you trade with me, I get fucked and you get ~fucked~. Julius suffers a defeat in a matchup he never really had a chance to win with all the mounting injuries.

Drake falls ever so close against Chabo/Wardo. 48-45, this was our tightest matchup. This was a battle between two teams that simply needed a win here in the cup to turn things around on that front.

What this means for the standings is interesting. Biggest standout is how Drizzy may be 2nd top in the league but is winless in the cup and facing elimination if he fails to win next week and results elsewhere don’t go his way.

Chabo and Wardo picked up a massive 3 points to keep them alive. They almost certainly need another win to secure qualification though. Julius in a similar spot.

Donnie is sitting pretty with 4 pts, but a win and he’d be guaranteed in so don’t expect him to cut anyone slack.

Dylan with 7 has secured passage through to the quarters. 👏

In group A, it’s tight as a gay man’s jeans. Everyone on 6 apart from House/Haydo. Everyone with non-negative GD. It’s clearly the powerhouse group, but that means it may take 9 pts to secure qualification. All up in the air for these 5.

Fellas! After a brief hiatus, the recap team is back in action! With this added time, the interns have been working furiously to prepare the first season grades for each team! So let’s get the standard shoutouts out of the way, and see how each team’s first 10 weeks have gone…

Top scorers were House and Haydo! The hottest duo in the league right now, this is their third win in a row and their third week scoring 60+. Those are outrageous numbers, and I would say just sucks to be you if you’ve matched up with them during this run.

Bottom scorers were Dyl and Chabo/Wardo! Both teams who started the season hot, but have struggled in the last month. It’s a long season, but not that long, and both these teams will want to turn around their fortunes sooner rather than later.

The Lineal has NOT changed hands since the last recap, as House and Haydo have turned it into a stream of passive income. First taking down Ethan, then league leader Drake, they’re an Evil Empire at the peak of their powers. Next week they get Julius, but quite honestly, I doubt they even care who they’re matched up against right now.

Alright, now time for the beef of this recap! We’ll go in order of the draft from the start of this season. Remember, these grades were developed using a comprehensive formula, research process, and whole army of interns. They no way reflect the hunches and feeling of this co-commish. So! Let’s get right into it!

Bowen Arrows - Dylan - 5th - 15 pts - 404 scored
Fresh off a last place finish, given the reverse standings order of the draft, a serious advantage was given to Dyl. Couple that with trade slut Levi giving him three 3rds and three 5ths for the first overall pick, and accidentally having Pedro on his team at the end of last year, Dylan had the best offseason of any team so expectations were sky high. However, while he’s had some bright spots, his team has generally underwhelmed. Specifically, his defenders have scored a total of 53 points this season, which is 83 less than the next lowest team, and over 100 less than league average. Either he needs to make some moves to improve his defense and his team in general, or he needs to trust his gut that the players he drafted high will come good. And hope they come good soon…
GRADE: C

Santa’s Reijnders - Ethan - 7th - 12 pts - 413 scored
In the offseason he decided he was going to rebuild his team from scratch, trading away what many considered a top tier keeper in Isak for Mbuemo and Marmoush. He parleyed it into a solid 3-0 start to the season, and should be thanking his lucky stars he doesn’t have the dumpster fire that is Isak. But since then he is 1-6. Forward has been his bogey position, as he’s gone through 6 so far this year looking for just 1 consistent starter. They’ve combined for a measly 29 points, well below the league average of 71. However, he has the highest scoring midfield to balance it out, which is solid managerial work. Will the emergence of Kroupi Jr. be the answer he’s looking for up top? He best hope so, otherwise he’s going to need herculean production from everywhere else to push back towards the top of the table.
GRADE: C+

ChabosSpurs@Law - Chabo/Wardo - 6th - 12 pts - 422 scored
The final team in the draft lottery from last year. Staying true to his name and historical preferences, he and his new co-manager ensured Spurs are heavily featured in their squad. And with Spurs’ hot start of 3 CSs in the first 4 matches, the jumped to the top of the table. Sadly, it’s been rougher sailing since then. And while it may seem easy to write this team off, that would be lazy recapping. It turns out this team has been just plain unlucky when it comes to their opponents, leading the league in “points against” at an average of 51.1 compared to the league average of 41.8. That’s is just something no team can go up against and expect consistent wins. They’re the 4th highest scoring team, and so the managers have done the best job they can limiting the damage.
GRADE: B

Grand-Larseny - Drake - 1st - 21 pts - 436 scored
A manager that has sort of settled into the middle of the pack the last few years decided that he was tired of the mediocrity. Not a popular pick by the pundits to be fighting for the title, he finds himself top of the league 25% of the way through the season. And it’s been just all around consistency from his team, as he’s in the top half of the league in all positive scoring categories (minutes, goals, assists, clean sheets, saves, bonus points). He’s also done it by using only 16 players this season, tied for the league low. He drafted a strong core and this is definitely the best team he’s put together in his FPL managerial career. The question is, will they lead him to his first star??
GRADE: A

Amorim de mi vida - Julius - 8th - 12 pts - 392 scored
As the manager who traded away Salah last season and watched him win the cup and earn a 2nd place finish in the league for a chief rival, you might expect him to keep his star player this year. But nope, Julius doesn’t do what most would expect, as he dealt him and Isak away to (you guessed it) trade slut Levi for the 3 most desired new transfers. History has shown that it is almost impossible to come to the prem and dominate year one. Sadly for Julius, this trend continues and his trio of Wirtz, Sesko and Joker have ranged from major flop to under performer. Couple that with the absence of a 3rd and 5th round pick this year (also to note, his 4th round selection was Doku), it’s been a bad start to the season. Lucky for him the table is much more condensed this year, and so if he can take some risks and make a big move, he may be able to climb out of the draft lottery spot he currently sits in.
GRADE: C-

Into the WOODwork* - Luke - 2nd - 21 pts - 400 scored
Luke has built a team that doesn’t really scare you on paper, doesn’t put up a ton of points, and really is without a true superstar. He has only 3 players in the top 45 scorers in Guehi who has been sensational, Xhaka who he picked up just this past week, and James who is buoyed by a 18 pt explosion GW8. So how has he managed to be missing out on leading the table by just the points for tiebreaker? By winning tight matchups. Four of his seven wins are by 6 points or less, with three of those being by 2 points or less. Luke has managed his team perfection in the tight matchups, and that’s been the difference so far. Should he expect a drop down the table soon? It seems impossible to continue winning by such fine margins, but never say never. Luke’s looking to be the first manager to have a star before and after his team name this year, and he’s in a solid spot to do so.
GRADE: B+

*Saka It To Me Baby - Levi - 10th - 12 pts - 368 scored
A man who the league has lovingly dubbed the Trade Slut™️, he’s this (🤏) close to being blocked on everyone’s phones. Making blockbuster move after blockbuster move this summer, he wanted a team with superstars, not one with depth. And it’s a solid strategy in theory, but it’s one that relies on a healthy team and consistent year-to-year production. And that has just not happened for him. Palmer, Saka and Wissa have all missed extended time, while Salah and Watkins have been pedestrian at best relative to their usual selves. Given he’s only 9 points off the top of the table, and the potential of his team is everyone gets healthy and starts firing, he’s not totally out of it yet. But it’s not exactly looking good.
GRADE: D

Eze as u Like B*%chs - House/Haydo - 3rd - 18 pts - 452 scored
A managerial duo known for trusting their gut and not making rash moves has absolutely nailed their squad building strategy this year. They currently have 5 players in the top 25 FPL scorers, highlighted by Rice and Gabriel who they drafted in the 5th round (both top 6 FPL scorers). They’re on absolute fire this last month of the season, with 4 straight lineal belt wins and 3 straight highest scorer awards. This team was built to dominate, and dominate they have, as they have over 50 points more than the second highest scorer, and almost 100 more than the league average. They’ve used a league low 16 players this year (tied with Drizz) and when you have a squad performing like they do, why risk messing up the chemistry? After a devastating cup final loss last year, and a third place finish in the table, this might be the squad to take them over the hump and get their first star.
GRADE: A+

Sue-nited FC* - Justin - 9th - 12 pts - 390 scored
Coming off the best rookie manager performance this league has ever seen, Justin always knew he was sacrificing 2025/26 for his success in 2024/25. And it couldn’t have been more worth it. Domination on the way to hoisting the cup, and just losing out on becoming the first manager to do the double by a questionable referee’s decision against Villa on the final day of the season. This year was always going to be a struggle, but it’s probably been going worse than he hoped. Spotty drafting with the picks he had has left him very far down the table without a super exciting roster. But hey, I think other managers would sacrifice much much more to have the kind of success he did last year. Just keep looking at that star and thinking happy thoughts.
GRADE: D+

**Cunha Believe it?! - Donny - 4th - 15 pts - 452 scored
The two time defending champion has never finished lower than 2nd since the leagues inception, and for over 2.5 years hadn’t even sat below 2nd place in the table. That streak came to an end at the beginning of this season as he started off with a three game losing streak which dropped him to 9th. But he followed it up with a three game win streak, and continues to pull back points in his quest for a three peat. Looking at his team composition this year, he missed on both his 3rd round picks (MGW and Gordon) and one of his keepers (Cunha) has ben anything but keeper level. Quite honestly a few solid waiver wire moves (picking up Woltemade and Senesi) and just flat out having Haaland have kept him in the mix. Sure those waiver moves were solid, but no skill was required to start Haaland. This isn’t the start of the season he would have hoped for, but also it’s not time to hit the panic button. The next quarter of the season will be key to see if he can reel in the leaders, or if his era of domination is coming to a close.
GRADE: B-

As always, just come to my office hours if you want to try and get your grade up! But just know, you best bring some data to back your request up!

Fellas! After another brief hiatus, but this time due to the most insane international break of all time and not my laziness, we are back! Lots to unpack this week. Did Ronaldo get that red card so he could be suspended on purpose? Will I be selected at my Fifa World Cup Volunteer tryouts? Who will finish second place to the US this summer? While all of those are important questions, I think everyone agrees that the World Cup is really playing second fiddle to BMS FPL right now. I heard that Trump even wants to write a recap in the future, and he says it’ll be the best recap in history.

But this recap is not being written by a sitting US president/sexist/orange man, but instead by yours truly! The kid who got lucky he was born 6’5” and made it half his personality! So without further ado, let’s get right into it!

Top scorer of the week was Lukey! Fresh off first quarter grades, Lukey took offense to the B+ he was given. And I’ll give him credit, he showed up to office hours, made a good case (to the tune of 59 points) and is looking more like he’s in the A/A- range. Oh, and he’s now top of the table and won $5!

Bottom scorer of the week was House & Haydo! This pair saw their first quarter A+ grade and let it go straight to their heads. And that hubris crept into their team as only one of their players got a return, and it was fucking Michael Keane. Time to start paying some of that money you won back!

The Lineal Belt has changed hands for the first time in over a month, as Julius snatches it away from the aforementioned pair in the award above. This was his first attempt at the belt all year, and he made it count. House & Haydo join the infamous group of manager to be double losers in a weekly recap. Is this just a bump in the road for them, or are there problems that run deeper? Well, Julius won’t care, as he takes $5 and cool looking belt into his next matchup against Drake this upcoming week.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Chaban & Wardo! They finally had a bit of fantasy luck this week and played someone who scored less than league average. More of these weeks will come, and this duo will be working hard to get their team prepared to take advantage.

Shoutout to Levi! The final manager to hit the 400 point mark within the league! Sitting in the basement with ~40 less than the next lowest scoring manager, it’s time to start winning some games. Otherwise everyone start watching your phones, as he could go straight into trade slut mode even earlier this year.

Waiver execute at 6am tomorrow EST, so yall are lucky I’m sending this recap out now and not after. Make sure to place some claims, and as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas! This is the time of year where game weeks start flying at us faster than Millsy can say “dribble” three times. This will be another 2 week recap, so bear with me if it feels a little wonky. And yes, I have a calendar block right now labeled “personal appointment (BMS FPL)”. Don’t tell my boss!

We’re gonna go week by week for this round because there are a lot of names to include in this recap!

Awards for GW 12!

Top scorer award was shared by Drizz and House/Haydo! Big statement performances by two teams fighting for a spot near the top of the table. But with Luke winning that week as well, no ground was gained… but at least you’ll get $5 from the league punching bags of…

The lowest scorer award was also shared by Ethan and Levi! Both teams fighting for a spot at the bottom of the table, and actually occupied the two bottom spots after this gameweek. Levi pay Drake, and Ethan send a travelers check via carrier pigeon to House and haydo. $5 each! Nobody gets bailed out because someone else sucks just as much as you!

The Lineal Belt was stolen off the waist of the former champ, Julius, and your new (spoiler alert: for only 1 week) champ is Drake! Sorry I took too long to write my recap so you didn’t get to bask in the glory of this victory. But this W gave you the second most wins in Lineal Belt matchups this year. And, uh you might hear a similar stat coming up soon…

Awards for GW13!

Top scorer was shared again between Justin and Dylan! Justin is hot right now, winning 4 of his last 5. And Dylan gets a much needed performance from his squad to break a rut of only 1 win from his last 4. Always fun to be in this past of the recap!

Bottom scorer of the week was Julius! 2 weeks ago he was the Lineal Champ, but now he’s bottom scorer and 9th in the table. Life comes at you fast… Even though there’s two top scorers, you only got pay $5. So split that payment up amongst the lucky winners.

The Lineal Belt was (as alluded to previously…) ripped off Drake’s skinny waist and put on onto the even skinnier waist of Ethan! The tightest matchup of the week, decided by only 2 points, was a devastating one for Drake. The Caicedo red was the difference, as without it, Drake would have won by 1 point. And drake now has the most losses in Lineal Belt matchups this year. Classic FPL!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to league parity! Eight of the ten teams won one and lost one over the span of this recap. Not lots of momentum anywhere across the league right now. And there exists no gap of more than 3 points between any two places in the table.

Shoutout to Justin! He’s hit that 45+ point mark, the general consensus of a win deserving point total, four weeks in a row now. Is the reigning cup champ gearing up to repeat his run for the league like last year?

Shoutout to Dylan! He’s now had at least 3 healthy defenders on his team for the last 3 weeks. Huzzah! Why you hold onto Robinson though still baffles me…

Shoutout to Donny! He won for the first time all year when Haaland didn’t score a goal. Maybe another version of the infamous meme needs to be made!

Waivers happen at 1pm EST, in just over 2 hours, so if you wanna make changes do it soon! And as always, don’t forget to set your lineup!

Good Ebening Gents!

A quick recap of this week in FPL Cup! It was the 4th matchup of the group phase, and that means there's only one more matchup left! Good news is nobody is eliminated going into the final matchday! That means there's all to play for! Bad news is even though your boy is dead last in the league HE'S THROUGH TO THE NEXT ROUND OF THE CUP SUCK ON THAT BABY!!

Yours truly pulled off an absolute fucking masterclass of coaching, winning in both the league and the Cup thanks to my genius and nothing else. Season starts now. House/Haydo were defeated by underwhelming performances from all but Mateta and Martinez; Eze as captain was a mistake--he's not good, I'll take him off your hands for you guys!

Lukey and Ethan foul a duel to the death, with the midfielder turned marathon runner edging Lukey by just a single point! Man, I love a good edging. Luke did not do poorly by any means, and still sits atop the league standings...however, he'll be wishing he captained James instead...of the other two he tried to captain!

Elsewhere, Justin bested Drake. Drizzy continues to do well in the league and struggle in the cup. He's winless in 4, but still has a chance going into the final day! Bit of a double-edged sword for him this weekend as he captained Munoz who dropped a dud but only because United finally won!

Dylan continues to use the picks he acquired in his trade-raping of me to dominate, putting up the most cup points this week and obliterating Chabo Chabo, who I suppose has evolved to Chabo Wardo now? Not fully evolved yet though as he still for some unknown reason plays Spurs defenders every week...Not doing that and captaining Foden would've earned him a huge win. Alas, maybe next matchup.

Finally, last but certainly not least. This was a HUGE weekend in our fearless leader's life. Ryan Augustus Donlan, fourth of his name, won in both the league and cup this weekend. Despite being the 3rd-lowest scorer, he beat lowest-scoring Julius to achieve the peak in life; winning in league and cup play. An absolutely incredible accomplishment from a man who has it all in life. The milestone is epic and he's a legend unlike any other. Donnie, on behalf of all of us, we love you and are so proud of you mate.

Matchup results and standings below!

Fellas! Levi and I just had our annual performance reviews as commissioners this past week, and I’m happy to report we both “significantly achieved” this year and will be getting huge bonuses and massive raises. I know everyone was worried for a minute there, but rest assured, the leadership of BMS FPLers are being compensated appropriately based on their pristine record of league management (Thank God we aren’t paid based on performance, because Levi would need to pay some of his salary back if that were the case).

One slight area for improvement in my review was to get more recaps out! And while I don’t take criticism, I’ll admit I’ve fallen off the wagon here a little bit. But sometimes it can be hard when I get excited to watch the prem on a weekend, and then have to turn it off after my team loses again. We literally have less points than a triangle, and it’s almost 50% of the way through the season…

So, let’s do these week by week, and make sure the people who deserve recognition/public embarrassment get it! Because there is no running from the inevitable Donny recap…

Starting with week 14!

Top scorer was Drake! An incredible 10+ average from his DEF/GK led him to a top 3 highest score of the season (so far…). Not many teams win while playing 3 FWDs, but if you’ve got DEFs putting in a shift like that, well then who needs FWDs?? (I’ve always said that anyways!)

Bottom scorer was Justin! Between weeks 9 and 16 Justin has only scored less than 45 points one time, and it was week 14 where he put up a measly 22. While he’s the hottest manager in the league right now, even Heat Miser let it snow Southtown USA once, showing that no hot streak can go on forever.

This Lineal Belt matchup was the most tightly contested one of the year, but Dylan was able to pry it away from Ethan. In what was the pillow fight of the week, Dylan won 30-28.

Now onto week 15!

Top scorer was shared between Justin and Lukey! The pair of best fwiends decided they would share the award. I got flashbacks to this (https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/1akpkbo/making_olympic_history_shared_gold_medals/). I hope they virtually hugged each other just as hard, but the question is, who jumped into whose arms?

Bottom scorer of the week was Levi! At this point in the season, he’s now either won or shared this award 4 times, which is over 25% of the weeks! Not the start to the season this former (how long ago was that now? ) league champ wanted to kick things off. Split that $5 amongst the two best fwiends!

Even thought Dylan (probably) didn’t know it, he DEFENDED his Lineal Belt against House and Haydo with a solid performance. A KDH masterclass les the way for Bowen Arrows. In doing so, he became only the 3rd manager this year to successfully defend the Lineal Belt.

A quick Shoutout to Chabo/Wardo who put up 58 and still lost. Very akin to that Devin Booker 70 piece against the Celtics all those years ago. Insane offense, but just not enough.

Finally, week 16!

Top scorer of the week was another tie between Justin and Chabo/Wardo! The two men of the law guided their teams to the weekly top prize, and shall have their legal fees paid by this weeks loser…

The bottom scorer of the week was Julius! Only 1 point shy of tying the lowest score for a singular game week this season, his 19 is lower than if he just picked 11 players that play 60 minutes. Languishing at the bottom of the table, and on a 5 game losing streak, I hope the guy who is waiting to cut his hair when United with 5 games in a row isn’t also waiting for Julius. Because that actually might take longer… (Just $2.50 to each!)

The Lineal Belt was ABSOLUTELY SNATCHED from Dylan in what was one of the matchups of the season, where Drake rode a 31 point perfjoamcne from his trio of Bruno/Tavernier/Evanilson on the final game of the match week to steal the win. Dylan probably thought he won it after the early Amad goal, but alas, the soccer Gods had more to say. Drake now takes back the Lineal Belt and will look to defend it in his matchup against Levi this upcoming week.

One othe shoutout!

Shoutout to Drake and Luke! They’ve pulled a gap to the rest of the field in the hunt for the league title. They’ve also matched each other’s results the last 5 weeks. All eyes are on the game week 18 matchup between the two which will set the tone for the second half of this magnificent title race.

This week more than ever it’s important to hit waivers as AFCON starts. The question that every manager will have, do I keep a player out at least 3 game weeks, or do I emulate Sir Alex Ferguson and bar those players from my team? Each individual must decide…

Waivers are tomorrow am at 600 EST, so don’t forget to put some claims in and set those lineups!

Drake has already been eliminated by Ryan “every time I send that Haaland meme Levi wants to rip his throat out” Donlan.

So sadly, Drizzy is out of the cup. He’s quoted as saying, “Good, we can focus on the league now.”

House/Haydo have all but beaten Dylan to give himself a fighting chance. So it all comes down to Justin and Lukey tonight. Justin had Wilson as captain, Lukey has Jimenez up top. It’s neck and neck, with it all on the line.

It’s such an important match, that as Cup commissioner I’ve decided that I must attend the match in person. So I’ll be at Craven Cottage tonight to make sure there’s no funny business. Tune in everyone!

Ho Ho Ho, you hoes! Since the prem has gone and fucked all of the scheduling, leaving just one prem fixture on Boxing Day, you will be getting all of the holiday spirit in this week’s recap, which I am calling the most wonderful recap of the year. Lineups were set by candlelight and Christmas lights alike as the season of giving arrived, though FPL remained selective about its generosity. Some teams spun dreidels and hit the jackpot while others landed on “try again next week.” Let’s see who ended up with coal in their stockings, and those who ended up with everything they asked for!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was … Donny! He sleighed this past week with 90 points, the highest single-gameweek score in league history. Such an occasion even caught the attention of Santa, where the North Pole analytics department confirmed this performance was indeed elite. And yes, I did leave over 20 points on the bench, but no matter! This was a festive feast with leftovers still in the fridge!

Bottom scorer of the week was Julius! His second straight win and third in five weeks. A streak so icy it should come with a weather advisory. If he keeps this up I shall giveth thee the new nickname of “Snow Miser”.

They say Hanukkah is about miracles, and Levi just delivered one. By beating 2nd place Drake, previously 9th place Levi captured the Lineal Belt for the first time this season and lit the menorah with pure competitive fire. But the candles barely have time to melt, because next week brings a true test of faith with a matchup against the Grinch (fellow co-commish Donny), to determine who gets the belt once and for all.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Luke and Ethan! They delivered the most festive result of the week by locking themselves into a perfectly wrapped tie, the fantasy equivalent of showing up to the tree and realizing your names are on the same gift.

Shoutout to Justin! His five match winning streak coming to a screeching halt when Donny arrived with a sack full of points and zero regard for seasonal goodwill. With injuries and AFCON duties mounting, he’ll have to get busy on the waiver wire to ensure he can field a full team of elves.

Waivers are this Friday afternoon, so I’ve given you all plenty of times to make plans! And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

Fellas! In what feels like the Sunday of all of 2025, the Holiday daze wears off shortly and the real world starts spinning again tomorrow. To try and lessen those scaries a little bit, I give yall the first recap of 2026! There have been multiple fixtures since the last recap, so hold onto your hats, because this recap could go in any direction!

Starting with GW 18!

Top scorer was Ethan! Cherki led the way and has been a revelation for Ethan the past 2 months.

Bottom scorer was Drizzy! This was the lowest score of the entire season, and the first time a team didn’t have a single goal contribution or clean sheet. After such a strong start, Drake is dropping faster Donny after a cannonball.

The Lineal Belt this week was STOLEN in the commissioner’s derby, where Donny defeated Levi thanks to a Schade hat trick. In case anyone else is keeping track, that is now 1-1 for the season for both commissioner.

A special shoutout to Justin! Wirtz’s first prem goal of the season proved crucial, as he only defeated Dylan by 3 in what was the tightest matchup of the week.

Now onto GW 19!

Top scorer was Julius! Not a frequent flier in this part of the recap, it was a game week where everything just went right. In fact, his GW 19 total was more than his GW 15-17 totals combined!

Bottom scorer was Drizzy … again! This time he got 1 contribution, so improvement! But yeesh, tough two weeks for Drake and his bank account.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED by Donny against Dylan! A low scoring and tight matchup, it wasn’t Dylan’s best week, and when you come at the champ you better bring your A game.

Special shoutout to Levi! He took down Lukey, the league leader, because for the first time this year at least 4 of his 5 “studs” got a contribution! Could this be the start of his preseason strategy starting to work?

Finally, GW 20!

Top scorer was Chabo & Wardo! A team that is usually in trouble when Spurs don’t keep a clean sheet, but if you have the striker that scores against Spurs then that is okay too! Another fun fact, this is the second lowest weekly high score of the season.

Bottom scorer was House & Haydo! The second highest scoring team so far this season, they actually had plenty points in their squad they just chose the wrong lineup. Declan Rice had a cool 17, but sadly was started at MB (middle bench). That decision, will cost you $5!

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED AGAIN by Donny against Ethan! Haaland hasn’t scored in any of the Lineal Belt matchups, but the rest of the squad continues to find ways to put up points and win matchups. Donny will look to match the season high 4-week Lineal Belt streak that Haydo/House set earlier in the year in his next matchup.

A special shoutout to Luke! While his previous title challenger in Drake has dropped all the way down to 5th, Luke has continued to grind out results and still sits top of the table. But after losing 2 in a row for the first time this season, he’s now got a new challenger … The back-to-back champ … the terminator … the manager with a league leading 5 game win streak … and a guy with a huge cock … Donny! And in what is being billed as the largest matchup of the year so far, 1st vs 2nd and a Lineal Belt matchup, Luke and Donny will go head to head. A win for Lukey puts him 7 points clear, while a loss would leave the gap at just 1 point. Everyone make sure to tune into this one!

Whew … deep breath everyone! But there isn’t too much time to rest, as waivers happen tomorrow afternoon! Don’t forget to make some claims, and don’t forget top set your lineup!

Fellas! Another week, another recap. And this time is for just aa singular gameweek! Because your boy is staying on top of things! No time for any of my usual fluff, it’s all content and straight to the point today. So let’s get right into it!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer was … Julius?? This recapper has not been afraid to let the world know about the struggles of this manager, but he’s not afraid to give flowers to him when he performs. Now two top scorers in three weeks, a four game win streak, his momentum has officially shifted.

Bottom scorer was Levi! Every week I get the same text “as long as Arsenal keep winning I’ll be okay with sucking balls in fantasy”. That’s a good attitude! Because now you’re at the bottom of the table. Where has it all gone wrong for the former former former champ? Looking at his roster there’s talent galore, as he has four of the top six players in FPL’s draft rank. Seems like it’s a coaching issue, and managers have been sacked for less…

The Lineal Belt went ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE this past week as the team which is currently hotter than Ana de Armas continued their streak. Cunha believe it took down the league leader, and now the gap is just 1 point. A matchup with this weeks top scorer is next, but come on, who’s giving Julius any chance? Not this recapper!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Drake! Even though he lost last week, he scored enough points to surpass Dylan in points for and actually gained a spot in the table. Never seen that before!

Shoutout to house and haydo! Haaland being the top scorer so far this year is a surprise to no one, but this pair saw something special and made probably the move of the draft by snagging the second highest scorer at the top of the 5th round. Declan fucking Rice. Who would have thought? Masterstroke!

Waivers are bright and early tomorrow morning! So make sure to make some requests. And as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

“Deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something.” - Trinity (The Matrix)

Fellas! I imagine there was a whole lot of deja vu after this past gameweek as finally (!) the rightful leader of this FPL league has been restored to top of the table. But is this just a glitch in the matrix? Did they change something to put Donny in first place? Will they keep serving Donny cupcake matchups where he hasn’t played an opponent who has scored above the median since gameweek 15? Will you take the blue pill and just accept that this is way of BMS FPL? Or will any of you take the red pill, and fight back!?

Anyways! Just something to get the juices flowing! Let’s get right into this week’s recap, starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Justin! Winner of four out of his last five, he’s hot. Wirtz finally rounding into form (sorry Julius) has been the catalyst. Last year’s cup winner and league runner-up has vaulted himself into third, and is only 6 points off the lead. Dark horse anyone?

Bottom scorer of the week was … Julius! This is why we can’t have nice things. Last week I raved about Julius and his team. And how does he repay my compliments? By dropping a stinker. And to make matters worse, he dropped a dud in a Lineal Belt matchup, meaning he’s the first double loser since House & Haydo in late November. Time to pay up!

The Lineal Belt, as alluded to in the previous award, DID NOT GO FUCKING ANYWHERE as Donny officially takes over the longest consecutive streak of belt defenses. He did it by winning the pillow fight of the week against Julius in a 28-26 barn burner. Donny’s now up to 4, and has owned the Lineal Belt since week 18. The longest streak in league history is 6 consecutive defenses by Justin in 24/25. Chaban & Wardo are the next lucky managers to face Donny … let’s see if they can shock the world and steal the belt right from his waist.

Some other shoutout from across the league!

Shoutout again to Donny! Obviously he’s top of the table, with the most points, and he has the top scorer in Haaland. But besides Haaland, want to take a guess what place Donny’s second highest scorer is? Kevin Schade at number 43… He’s doing it by committee this year, hitting waivers hard and not holding onto players once they’ve stopped producing. His advice to everyone: “Buy low and sell high, it’s obvious right?”

Wawivers hit tomorrow morning nice and early! Don’t forget to make some claims and set those lineups!

Fellas! I almost didn’t want to write this recap. Not sure how closely people pay attention, but weeks when I win the recap comes out immediately. And weeks when I lose, well, I struggle to write. Writers block man. I have to complement over managers?!?! I guess that’s what I signed up for…

Anyways…. Fuck you Ethan - you look way too fit these days - I’m self conscious now …

Top scorer was Justin! Harry Wilson is a ducking cheat code (yes credit to you for picking him up) and quality returns from multiple guys. Dark horse anyone?

Bottoms scorer was Julius! Two weeks in a row homie … are you even trying? If the answer is no - shame on you. If the answers is yes - oof. Two weeks in a row. Figure it the fuck out homie

The lineal belt FINALLY CHANGED HANDS as Chabospurs or SPURSATLAW or whatever the fuck chabo names his team these days took the title from the hottest team in BMS FPL. This recapper has always been hot on Chabo&wardo, so I don’t wanna take too much credit - but I did glaze this group a bit. It was their first (!) belt matchup, and they didn’t let it slip them by. They’ll welcome (the newly) league leader 25 cents luke Lockwood next week as they look to defend their newly won lineal belt!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! This is a bit of a pity shoutout, but you’re up to 8th! If you’re Justin or Donny, that’s nothing to celebrate, but to Levi that’s a big deal! Even if it’s by points for, celebrate it!

Shoutout to chabo/wardo! They beat the (previous) league leaders because of a key waiver wire pickup in Mateus Goncalo Espanha Fernandes. Oh, you don’t know who that is? Me neither! But he fucking got 8 points, and was a key reason why they got the lineal belt.

Waivers are nice and early tomorrow am! Put some claims in, and as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas! The announcement of the cup quarter final matchups yesterday gives everyone a definitive view of how hard/easy it will be to progress to the next round. And in the past couple of years, even at this stage of the season, the cup was the only trophy many teams were still in contention for. BUT NOT THIS YEAR. Parity across the league is at an all time high, as the separation between 1st and 5th is only 6 points and the largest gap between any two teams is 5 points. For the first time in years, the league is also up for grabs.

So! Let’s look back to GW 24 and see how everyone fared in this hotly contested round of matchups.

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was … House/Haydo! The team that should feel most hard done by the draft format, they’ve scored the second most amount of points, yet sit in 7th. They’re tied with Ethan for the league lead in unlucky losses, where you score in the top half but still lose. At least, if you can start winning games, you’ll have that points for tie breaker!

Bottom scorer of the week was … Lukey! The league leader (at the time) dropped a dud, scoring the least amount of points in a week by any team over the last 4 GWs. For a team with real title hopes, it’s a bad time for the points spigot to turn off. It’s been his defense that has carried him so far this year (2nd most points in the league by defenders), and this past week none of them returned. He’ll have to hope it’s just a blip as he works to keep pace at the top of the table.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED by the hottest team in the league, ChabosSpurs@Law! They dispatched with the (at the time) league leader (who is a double loser this week!) in dominant fashion - or so it felt? While they won by a comfortable 12 points, they actually only scored the 2nd least amount of points this past week. Oh well, can only beat who’s put in front of you! Now Chabo & Wardo’s 5th win in a row, in that time they’ve climbed from 7th up to 4th. They’ll look to defend their belt next week against Ethan.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to red cards!? Two red cards in the prem last week, Schade and Williams. Usually that spells disaster for their managers. However, somehow both Donny and Chabo/Wardo were able to pull of the Ws. And so did Brentford (go Wardo)!

Shoutout to Justin! The only other team on a win streak, he’s up to 3. If results go his way, he can close the gap to be level on points with the league leader. This could be his first time at the top of the table since GW 37 of last year, and only his second time ever.

Shoutout to Ethan! Not lots have gone right for his team in the past few months … however after a deep dive into the stats it turns out his team has gotten the least amount of yellow cards so far this season! GO Ethan! Fair play award!

Waiver are coming up fast (130EST) and there have been some big scheduling announcements about double gameweeks. This is a crucial waiver wire, so make sure to put some claims in. And as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Alrighty lads it’s that time of the year where the Cup is back!!

Here’s the breakdown…

Despite being on a real slide in the league due to being unlucky and cashing in, Ethan the midfielder Ellsworth matches up against Dynamic Duo Chabo+Wardo.

Our two resident powerhouses face off in the obvious matchup of the round. If people still haven’t figured out that the robber needs to be placed on Donnie I don’t know what to tell you. Our best bet of defeating him has always lied with Justin. Godspeed.

Lukey is back top of the table thank goodness, and he goes against a team on the opposite of he rise in Julius.

And what would otherwise be the must-miss mid table matchup between Dyl and me is actually kind of spicy when you think of how I’d be a legit contender if Dylan didn’t trade r*** me this summer.

Our first leg of the quarterfinals are done and boy was it tight. Apart from me but we’ll get there.

First, Ethan and Chabo/Wardo were in a tight tussle. Ultimately Ekitike as captain was the difference maker as the extra 15 points gives our Pokémon men an 11-pt advantage going into the second leg.

Second, our resident big boys. Ryan the Don Donnie, the King, the ruler of us all, the one who keeps fucking winning and yet still manages to convince people to put the robber elsewhere. Anyway, a heroic day for him sees him claw back and establish the most points this cup weekend. Justin isn’t far off though, with 49 he is within one point of the king. With a second leg to come it’s very much all up for grabs. Please justin, pull this off for all of us.

Third, Lukey edges Julius 40-37, in another matchup that is super tight going into leg 2. Jules has learned from his mistake, and is set to swap his choice of captains. Watch Sesko drop a dud while Gyokeres goes yard against his old club. Still all to play for.

Dylan can breathe easy. Being up 49-25 is the equivalent of being up 3 in the UCL and having the away goal advantage. This one is as good as finished and I’d be depressed if Arsenal wasn’t balling…jk the Football Gods are clearly not done humbling me yet; this life will be torture forever I guess.

Fellas! After a brief commissioner-mandated disappearance, the recap department is back with a two-week special. Was I busy? Yes. Was I lazy? Also yes. Did I briefly consider pretending GW25 and GW26 never happened and simply moving on with my life? Absolutely. But the people deserve journalism, and apparently this counts.

So let's get into the usuals!

Top scorer of GW25 was Levi! Yes, the trade slut himself climbed back onto the main stage with 66 points, powered by a completely disgusting 20-pointer from Palmer and double-digit help from Summerville. For a man whose phone probably has the ESPN trade machine bookmarked next to Zillow listings and group chat notifications, this was a reminder that the team is still absolutely terrifying when the big boys fire. It was also a particularly rude time to do it, because he did it against Justin and beat him by 38. Very normal. Very kind. Very sportsmanlike.

Bottom scorer of GW25 was Justin! The reigning cup menace put up 28, which is usually the kind of score that makes you close the app, put the phone face down, and start talking about how fantasy is mostly luck anyway. O.Dango did his part with 12, but the rest of the squad mostly stood around like they were waiting for someone else to do the job. Tough scene for a manager who has spent the last year collecting trophies and aura like infinity stones.

The lineal belt in GW25 stayed with Chabo/Wardo by the absolute smallest possible amount. They beat Ethan 41-40, which is the kind of result that makes one manager believe in destiny and the other manager believe in throwing his laptop into the ocean. Ethan had Dalot drop 12 and still lost by 1. Chabo/Wardo survive, retain the belt, and continue their deeply confusing reign as both a threat and a team that makes you ask, "wait, how are they doing this?"

Some other shoutouts from GW25! Shoutout to Drake, who put up 61 and beat Dylan by 25. A quiet demolition, which is exactly the kind of win that gets forgotten in the recap unless I mention it, so here I am mentioning it. Shoutout to Julius, who beat Lukey 49-34 and continues to be impossible to understand on a week-to-week basis. Shoutout to House/Haydo, who beat Donny 39-30 in a matchup that looked less like fantasy football and more like two teams politely asking each other if anyone wanted to score points.

Now onto GW26, where the top scorer was ... Levi again! Back-to-back top scorer awards for the man who once again looked at the league and said, "actually, maybe I do have enough superstars." This time it was 71 points, with Saka, O'Reilly, and Palmer all hitting double digits. That is the kind of scoring profile that makes everyone else start mentally drafting trade offers they know will get rejected in 45 seconds. When Levi's team is healthy, it is annoying. When Levi's team is healthy and scoring, it is spiritually exhausting.

Bottom scorer of GW26 was Ethan! A rough 23 points, and yes, that means Ethan went from losing a lineal belt fight by 1 to bottom scorer the very next week. That is a brutal little two-week arc. Like watching a man slip on ice, stand up, tell everyone he is fine, and then immediately slip again. Alisson got 7, but there just was not enough anywhere else. Sometimes fantasy gives you a bad week. Sometimes it gives you a bad week immediately after punching you in the stomach. This was the second one.

The lineal belt finally changed hands in GW26. Chabo/Wardo's reign came to an end at the hands of House/Haydo, who won 44-30. Rice led the way with 14, Gabriel chipped in 7, and the belt moved to the cherry-cityzen conglomerate. Chabo/Wardo had escaped Ethan by a single point the week before, but there was no such magic this time. House/Haydo are your new belt holders, and honestly, that feels about right for a duo that always seems to be hanging around the important stuff whether we invited them or not.

Some other shoutouts from GW26! Shoutout to Donny, who beat Justin 61-40 behind a 17-pointer from Virgil and 13 from Jose Sa. The man simply refuses to stop being relevant. Shoutout to Dylan, who beat Julius 50-33 and got 14 from Semenyo and 10 from Joao Pedro. Shoutout to Lukey, who beat Ethan 26-23 in what can only be described as a pillow fight with league-table consequences. A win is a win, but sometimes a win is also a cry for help.

Across the two weeks, the story is simple: Levi is very much alive, Justin had a rough stumble, Ethan got kicked while he was down, and the lineal belt changed hands again. The season is getting tighter, the cup is getting serious, and every week now feels like it can either launch a title charge or ruin someone's entire mood for four straight days. Waivers matter, lineups matter, and as always, don't forget to set your lineups!

Fellas! Even though we are in the midst of the cup quarter finals, the league never stops. Every week, wins and losses that alter the fortunes of those up and down the table, in a slow but steady march to crown a champion. Don’t let the cup masquerade the true mark of a great manager, their league position! And don’t mind that I’ve never won the cup and am back-to-back league champ, yeah don’t worry about that…

We’ve got 2 weeks to catch up on, so we’ll keep it brief!

Starting with GW 27!

Top scorer was … Levi … again! Only the 2nd manager this year, and the 3rd in the last 2 seasons, to win this award three times in a row. He beat his fellow cocommisioner with this performance, and has to be feeling on top of the world. Surely he’ll keep it up for the all important cup matchup next week, right?

Bottom scorer was … Justin! The lowest by quite some margin, his point total was 12 points shy of the next lowest scorer. And he gets a mark of shame for having someone play 0 minutes in his starting 11! Needless to say his entire bench also all played 0 minutes.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED by House and Haydo in their matchup vs Ethan. Danny Welbeck’s first goal in over 3 months and Eze’s first goals since the last time Arsenal played Spurs spurned the pair onto victory.

Now onto GW 28!

Top scorer was … Drizzy! Without the pressure of any competitions besides the league (similar to another team I know…) his squad performed at the highest level of anyone’s this week. Yet sadly Bruno, who deserves something, will go trophyless again.

Bottom scorer of the week was … Levi??? The FPL Gods sure are cruel. The hottest team in the league, and then when it actually matters, he chokes (similar to another team I know…). He’ll be hoping he can bounce back quickly for the second leg of the cup, and to try to continue his ascent up the table.

The Lineal Belt was STOLEN by our first double award winner since this man did it himself back in GW12, Drake! He rode his squad’s big week to win some solid recognition. He may ever win manager of the month for this! Is that a good thing…?

A special shoutout to Ethan and Julius! They fought hard in what ended up as only the second tie of the season. No, per league rules, you have to kiss next time you see each other!

One more special shoutout to Dylan! Bowen got his 5th (!) set of DEFCON points. Only one other FWD has gotten DEFCON points this year … who is it??

Waivers have come and gone this week, but free agency is still open!

And PLEASE PLEASE send your captains to Levi if you haven’t!!! First game of the cup QFs start tomorrow!

The Quarterfinals of the Cup have concluded and what an emotional rollercoaster it has been. Let's get right into it

Ethan Ellsworth became a detective for one reason, to stop terrorism. Now, at the precipice of World War III, he has never felt more defeated in his battle. Terrorism is at an all-time high according to him, with sources claiming that Arsenal's 1-0 win at Brighton was the most heinous display of terror since 9/11. In the fantasy world, he has fallen to 5 points clear at the bottom of the table. You might think he'd be sad right now, but he has more reason to rejoice than you think...His opponent in the Quarterfinal was Chabo/Wardo. Originally just Chabo, then Chabo Chabo, and now Chabo/Wardo. Some say they have evolved into their final form. Results may say otherwise. As Arsenal sit top of the league and Spurs inch ever closer to the relegation zone, Chabo has been officially put on suicide watch. His partner, however, is happy as a Bee!

The matchup between them started with a convincing lead for our Pokemon men, thanks to captain Ekitike. However, a dreadful display for both Liverpool and Spurs during the midweek fixtures meant that Chabo/Wardo put up a league-wide low of just 26 pts even including their captain. An abysmal showing that left the door open for bottom-of-the-league Ethan to win despite putting up just 41 pts (the 3rd fewest this week). Ellsworth rallied to win the second leg by 15 pts and overturn the initial deficit and edge out Chabo/Wardo 79-75 to advance to the semifinal. The lowest-scoring total matchup of the Quarters but also the closest over the two legs. Ethan may be bottom of the league, but he is in the midst of a fairytale run in the Cup. He was selling his players and bottoming out but now is ever so close to immortalising himself in the annals of BMS FPL history with his Cinderella run.

Next, our matchup between Luke and Julius was our next lowest-scoring. Luke has done well in the league, but has recently slipped to 2nd place behind Supreme Leader He Who Must Not Be Named. Julius, on the other hand toils in the dregs of the league with Ethan and I. Sitting 2nd bottom, but enjoying being on top with United at the moment. This matchup was never going to end in tears because at the end of the day, we know both these men would sell the naming rights of their firstborn to have United be contenders again.

In fantasy, Lukey hopped out to an early lead in a low-scoring opening matchup. Up 3 pts going into the second leg, Lukey was in a tough spot as only 2 of his 11 starters didn't get contributions. Julius had only two attacking players get contributions. Neither captains showed up, but you know who did? Everton. Everton showed up for Jules in a big way. Pickford, clean sheet. Branthwaite, clean sheet. Garner, assist, clean sheet, defensive contribution, bonus. Absolutely incredible performance from the Toffees that saw Julius come from 3 behind and storm out to a 13-point win over the two legs. Lukey now surely shifts his attention to the league, where he is in a title race to be sure. Julius, tortured by a languid league display, moves on and surely now like Ethan focuses on the potential Cinderella run in the Cup.

The next matchup warrants little discussion, mainly because your boy lost. I want the record to show that Dylan was the highest scorer. That Dylan absolutely trade-raped me in the summer. That I was highest scorer for two straight weeks going into these matchups JUST to tease me with hope. It's the hope that kills you. I am Tantalus; forced to endure the pain of the fruits of my labour remaining ever so nearly out of my grasp. Take nothing away from Dylan, who deserves full credit for defeating me. He absolutely murdered me in week one, winning by 20 pts and smartly captaining Thiago. In the second leg, he beat me by even more, this time by 21. Again, smart choice captaining Semenyo. Essentially highest-scorer both weeks, it was never going to happen to me against this juggernaut. The fact that I had 4 midfielders score and still got walloped shows just how quality Dylan's team is. He is 3rd in the league, and favourite on paper in the Cup, the world is his oyster and I for one am excited to see how well he performs the remainder of the season!

Last but not least is the matchup we were all paying close attention to. The first leg was absolutely thrilling, with Donnie jumping out to a 50-49 lead. High scoring but virtually nothing to separate them, the matchup was still up in the air going into the second leg. Justin came absolutely shooting out of a cannon on Tuesday with his team putting up insane numbers on the first day. Donnie's hopes rested entirely his captain. Haaland is out of this world, but without the right man guiding him he can be quiet. Perhaps Donnie isn't the man for him. Haaland's dud was enough to crush Donnie's hopes. Justin powered to 56 pts while Donnie put up just 49. That was enough for Justin to edge him out and even though we all know Donnie loves to be edged, he may just not have enjoyed this one. There is a silver lining or two though! Donnie regained top spot in the league, and looks certain to carry on an incredible run of league titles. Additionally, Donnie saw his Wolves win back-to-back thrillers for the first time this season as they seek to throw a wrench in every other teams' plans! Justin is once again the chosen one meant to save us from He Who Must Not Be Named. He is Donnie's kryptonite, the Klopp to Donnie's Pep, and we are all eternally thankful for him. Justin and Donnie both remain buyers in the market to compete this season.

It's been a pleasure running the Cup. The next Cup matchups are weeks and weeks away, but the trade deadline is right before the 1st leg. That is Friday, April 9th for those not wanting to miss the chance to really go all in. Please do go all in, I need to sell players for picks and essentially only Chabo and me are dead--the rest of you are contending in one way or another so kudos to you!

Fellas! As the magic of the cup has subsided from the dramatic QF round, the league now takes center stage. There’s only 20% of the season left, so every match means that much more. Whether you’re fighting for the championship or relegation, or just to finish above Levi in the midtable, it’s going to be an exciting last few months!

Now! Let’s get into the wild week that was GW 29! Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer was … a tie! Dylan and the Double H’s share the spoils in a week that featured fairly high scores all around. It was good performances across the board for the H’s, but Dylan got here through the standout performance of Pedro. You’ll each get $2.50 from…

...the lowest scorer of the week, which was Chabo and Wardo! No need to pile on the pain here, real like FPL doing that already… our thoughts are with ya Chabo.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED by Drizzy against Chabo/Wardo. Oof… A double loss... I saw we focus on the positives, congrats Drizz! He'll look to defend it this upcoming week against Juice!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to our interns. They've been busy this past week and thrown together a list which shows the most underrated but important stat in H2H draft FPL: points against. Here's how the list comes out by league position:

Donny - 1161
Luke - 1129
Dylan - 1130
Justin - 1289
House/Haydo - 1196
Drake - 1259
Chabo/Wardo - 1287
Levi - 1202
Julius - 1225
Ethan - 1238

First off, one not very surprising insight: the less number of points against, the nearer to the top of the table you are. The top 3 in the standings are the bottom 3 in points against. A more interesting insight: having the most points against doesn't mean you're rock bottom. Justin and Chabo/Wardo are our top two points against teams, yet neither are in the bottom 3 and Justin is only 6 points of the leader! An very interesting insight: Ethan doesn't have the most points against?!?! Will he lose his "unluckiest FPL Manager" title (excuse)?? The most interesting insight: Chabo/Wardo have the same points for as Levi, more points against, and yet are 6 points above him in the table.

We now have points against, and points for are much easier to find, so here are the point differentials by league position so far this year:

Donny --> +140
Luke --> +68
Dylan --> +101
Justin --> -65
House/Haydo --> +104
Drake --> -16
Chabo/Wardo --> -105
Levi --> -20
Julius --> -123
Ethan --> -125

Now, what does this table tell us? The least interesting thing is that teams with a high point differential are generally higher up the table (see Donny leading the league with the highest) and those with a lower point differential are generally lower down the table (see Julius and Ethan as the lowest two). However it does show some teams that have benefitted or missed out from what I will call "the luck of head to head" because they are out of position in the league table based on their point differential. Justin is a by far the biggest benefactor of this luck, as he's been outscored by 65 points yet still sits tied for 3rd. Levi is the standout unlucky manager who should likely be closer to the midtable.

Now, I think everyone here knows the stat expected wins. It's not generally favored in footy, but in most American sports it's one of the original advanced statistics. The underlying stats most relevant to the calculation are points for and points against. The idea is that the best teams score more points and let up less. The first ever formula for expected wins came from a man called Bill James who created one based on the analysis of decades of baseball data. It looks like this

(points for)^2 /
((points against)^2 + (points for)^2)

To be clear, his formula is for baseball and not FPL, but since no one has made one for FPL (yet), let's go along with it and see if it tells us anything interesting. This formula gives you the teams expected win percentage, which I'll show, and then also calculate out how many (table) points a team should have at this stage of the season.

Manager --> Expected Win % --> Points Expected over 29 GWs --> Differential of points vs expected points

Donny --> 55.6% --> 48.4 --> +5.4

Luke --> 52.9% --> 46.0 --> +6.0

Dylan --> 54.3% --> 47.2 --> +0.8

Justin --> 47.4% --> 41.3 --> +6.7

House/Haydo --> 53.8% --> 46.8 --> -1.8

Drake --> 49.3% --> 42.9 --> +2.1

Chabo/Wardo --> 45.8% --> 39.8 --> +2.2

Levi --> 49.1% --> 42.8 --> -6.8

Julius --> 44.7% --> 39.0 --> -5.0

Ethan --> 46.9% --> 40.8% --> -11.8

Is this relevant or correct? Probably not! But is it a fun exercise? Yes. We can see that Justin does lead the league in outperforming his expected points, while Levi is underperforming the second most, which we kind of already figured out with the point differential table. But it’s nice to have confirmation with another stat!

Surprisingly house/haydo have an expected point total that isn’t far off from their actual, even though they have a very positive point different.

One thing this may have finally proved once and for all is that Ethan is the unluckiest manager in the league! I would like to take some real time over the summer and come up with a more sophisticated formula for expected win specifically for FPL. If anyone (Houseman) is tempted as well, let’s link up!

Anyways, as you can tell I had some extra time at work today. But before we go... one more shoutout!

Shoutout to Donny and Luke! This top of the table clash will be setting the tone for the rest of the run in. A true championship 6 pointer, if Donny wins his lead will balloon to 5 points, and if Luke wins he'll be back on top. A key storyline to watch is that both managers put in waivers for Igor Jesus, with Luke snagging him due to his slightly lower table position. Will it be a stroke of genius, or was Donny just feigning interest to force Luke's hand? Only time will tell.

Waivers have already happened, but there's still time to make free agent moves. As always, don't forget to set those lineups!

TWO FOR DONNY, TWO TWO FOR DONNY! Not beers, you might think (which I would crush by the way), but instead recaps! I’ve let another GW slip me by because I’ve been busy doing stuff (Haydo please don’t roast me too hard).

So! I’ve got no more time for any of this preamble stuff! Let’s get right into it!

Starting with GW 30!

Our top scorer was Drake Flying Animal! With another (increasingly common) standout performance by Bruno, he was the first to top 60 in over 3 GWs. Award season is around the corner, and Bruno is pushing to become FPL top scorer. He’s only 8 points behind Haaland with 7 weeks left. And he’s helping Drake make a late late push for title contention.

Bottom scorer of the week was Levi! Finally, the straw that broke the camel’s back. Immediately after this loss Levi had a fire sale that would rival Scott’s desperate attempt to giveaway shitty socks at the end of the ID camp. However, Levi had much better things to sell, and collected 4 picks in the upcoming drafts. His eyes, for the second year in a row, turn to next year with over a month left in the season…

The Lineal BELT was DEFENDED AGAIN by Drizzy over Julius. I’ll spare my kind words as you might be seeing his name in the second half of this recap…

Some additional shoutouts!

Shoutout to Donny! In what was the biggest matchup of the season (so far), he defeated his closest rival for the title to put some daylight between them at the top of the table. This was their last head-to-head matchup, so Lukey will need help from elsewhere to stop a potential record breaking three-peat.

Now onto GW 31!

In what was the first real GW with significant blanks, there was a record low amount of points scored. The total of 347 points is over 2 standard deviations below the average of 417 for the season. Bonus points if anyone can remember what the odds of that happening from high school stats class!

Our top scorer for this week was Justin! You know how I said Levi had that fire sale? Well Justin was one of his top buyers! Watkins, one of those purchases, proved his worth immediately with a 9 pointer. Sitting only 6 points off of Donny, and now with the momentum of a weekly top scorer, is Justin going to make a run akin to last year?

Bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! While he was one of the 4 managers that actually played a full 11 (surprising considering Dylan had a defender not play for almost a month straight earlier in the year) he still couldn’t escape this public shaming. What’s even worse is that he lost to a team with only 7 players, denting his own title aspirations as he now falls 9 points adrift.

The Lineal Belt was STRAPPED ON PRETTY FUCKING TIGHT as it went nowhere, staying firmly around Drake’s waist. Drizzy is printing money at this point, and he’s now tied House/Haydo for the second longest streak of consecutive defenses this season with 3. The longest streak belongs to Donny at 4 weeks, and all that stands in Drake’s way of tying it is Mr. JMiller Box. Definitely a matchup to keep an eye on this upcoming week!

Some additional shoutouts!

Shoutout to Ethan and Julius! While both recently made the headlines for their progression to the semis of the BMS FPL Cup, they’re both about to be shamed for becoming the first two managers to be officially eliminated from winning the league. Shame! There’s still 7 GWs left!

Now I know it’s been a long long time since we saw prem matches, but they’re coming up soon! Waivers are this Thursday at 130pm EST. ALSO, this is the same time as the trade deadline.

**********
If you want to make a trade you must offer and accept it prior to waivers this Thursday at 130pm EST. If the trade does not go through prior to this week’s deadline, it will have to be reversed.
**********

With so many options on how to field a full team, there should be no excuses! So make sure to set those lineups!

Alright the first leg of the Cup semifinals is in the books and we are very rapidly moving on to the second leg.

In a very predictable matchup, Julius put up a poultry 31 pts and Dylan essentially doubled the score and put up 61. Led by Thiago, Dylan is definitely going into the second leg as the massive favourite and probably is our tournament favourite.

Meanwhile Ethan, dead last in the league, put up a fantastic 51 pts. Justin bettered him by just 1 pt at 52, so that tie is very much still up in the air. Justin is going for the Cup repeat, never been done before, and Ethan is going for the Wigan — winning the Cup while being relegated.

Fellas! Another week down as we race towards the finish line in what could be shaping up to the league first 3+ team title race! Each of the previous 3 seasons have seen just 2 (or 1) teams duking it out atop the table come the final month. But this year, we’ve still got 3 teams within 9 points of the league leader with 6 games to play! So there are going to be some big matchups down the stretch!n. But don’t get too giddy, those match days will come. For now, let’s take a look at last week’s results, and what it means for the title race!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Lukey! Title contender number 1 left no doubt that he’s in it to win it. Those deadline day transfers made all the difference, as did a key Man City defender choice, as Lukey made a statement to his fellow managers atop the table that they better keep an eye out.

Bottom scorer of the week was Chabo/Wardo! They have drifted into the bottom 3 (via points for) for the first time this season. Don’t let Spurs drag you down Chabo and Wardo! Fight fight fight until the very end.

The Lineal Belt has FINALLY CHANGED HANDS from the tyrant that was Drizzy. It now rests around the waist of title contender number 2, Justin! Sneakily on a 5 game win streak, having scored 50+ in 4 of those matches, he is making everyone else chasing the crown well aware that he’s around to race past anyone that slips up even just once. He’ll take on his good friend Julius to hopefully start streaking with the belt this upcoming match week.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Donny! Title contender number 3 didn’t get top scorer, or win the Lineal Belt, but he did something even better - played the week’s lowest scorer. If he does that every week for the rest of the season, the title will be his! Anyways, he also has a 5 game win streak going, and somebody will need to make him slip up if title contenders 1 and 2 are to have any chance.

Shoutout to Dylan! The final (potential) title contender (number 4) also won this past week, leaving the top of the table unchanged for the first time since week 24/25. Dylan is essentially in must win mode for the rest of the year, and this upcoming week will have to beat the second highest points scorers this year in House & Haydo.

Waivers have happened, but free agency is always open. Don’t forget to set those lineups!

Little delayed but I was in DC all week, better late than never!

Our second legs of the semifinals is over. At the end of it all there were no upsets, but some good surprises.

Julius got obliterated in the first leg, but made a proper showing of himself in the second. Beating Dylan 61-53. However, it was not nearly enough and Dyl the Thrill advances to his first Cup final in his managerial history. 114-92 on aggregate was always comfortable; will he dethrone the dominant duo that has ruled the league ever since I decided to take it easy? We’ll see!

Ethan will feel a lot more hard done by. Sitting bottom of the league, he went into this matchup with everyone counting him out. A great first leg left him essentially tied with Justin going into leg 2. And despite putting up an electric 73 pts, the second most out of any knockout cup performance this season…he went up against the number one cup performance, by the number one cup performer. Justin put up 81 pts and smashed his way to the final for a second consecutive year. Between he and Donnie, we really are just living in their world of fantasy dominance. Ethan may be last, and may be out, but had he drawn either Julius or Dylan he’d have made it to the final. He has lots to be proud of.

The Cup Final will be in matchweek 36 in an attempt to ensure there’s no team not playing and that you have enough time to get your waivers done. Good luck Justinho, good luck Dyl. You are both great for making it this far, but to be a legend remembered for all time you must go one step further

Fellas! Your resident recapper has written to you from places all across the globe. From pubs in London, the beaches of LA, the mountains of Colorado, basements in Bedford, deeper basements in DC, and even deeper basements in Omaha - the list is quite extensive. But today, I’ve unlocked a new area: the juror selection room of Chelsea District court house.

It’s okay guys, there’s no need to applaud. This group of 30 which I sit here with this morning were part of a HIGHLY selective process, with rigorous requirements and borderline unrealistic standards for inclusion. Maybe that’s why the guy behind me asked for a hit from my vape (air pods) twice already.

Anywayyyyyysssss. I sit here with time on my hands (until my buddy asks me for that sick vape I brought again), so recap I shall! We’ve got two weeks to get through, so buckle up, get your Venmoes ready, and send me your best line to tell the judge so I don’t get selected and have to stay for the whole day!

Starting with GW 33!

Top scorer of the week was Donny! The first (and likely only) manager to hit triple digits this year. Putting up an insane 103, this is the highest officially recorded score in BMS FPL history (since we started tracking stats in 24/25). Unofficially, Levi and I believe Lukey scored higher in the final of the first BMS Does FPL Cup, but have been unable to find the exact number. Anyways, it’s April, it’s FPL, it’s Donny. This is just par for the course.

Bottom scorer of the week was House/Haydo! A paltry 24 points saw the double H’s win this award for the first time since GW 20. Are there potential excuses? Maybe. Do I want to hear them? Nah.

The Lineal Belt was STRAPPED TIGHTLY around Justinho’s waist, and it stayed there after his battle with Julius. Justin also has a history of performing in FPL in April. So watch out if you’re matched up against him (and please set your lineups to stop him!)

Now onto GW 34!

This game week was really our first heavy blank gameweek, and that was combined with an incredibly tight turnaround. Many managers didn’t set their lineups, and should be ridiculed! Yes I’ll take part of the blame for not shooting a text in the group, but I’m last in waivers and needed some people to, uh, not make any requests :)

Regardless, someone who did set his lineup, and was highest scorer, was Drizzy! Recently, all that means for Drake is to make sure Bruno and Casemiro are in his XI, and just wait for the inevitable Casemiro header goal off a Bruno assist. Drake may not usually be mentioned along some of the greats in BMS FPL, but he’s slowly changing that this year. He’s now the second highest scorer in the league, and with better points against luck, would be right in the mix for the title.

Bottom scorer of the week was Julius! His measly 18 was only the 4th time all year a manager has failed to hit at least 20 points. To be fair, his team probably was on a bender after their cup SF loss. We all remember binge week, it was a hell of a time.

The Lineal Belt STILL WENT FUCKING NOWHERE as Justin made his second consecutive defense against Levi! Justin is now on a 7 match win streak, the joint longest this year. And who is he tied with? No bonus points for getting that question right…! He’ll look to go for a triple defense this upcoming week in a clash of the titans vs the answer to the aforementioned trivia question. This is the matchup of the season as two teams with 7 game win streaks and title aspirations go head to head in what is likely Lukey’s wet dream these days.

Waivers are this upcoming Thursday! I know many teams are pretty stuck in their league position due to how few games are left, but I urge and encourage managers to still make claims and set their lineups! Be the one to spoil a title dream, ruin a friendship, or just stick it to Donny!

Sorry for the delay but you deserve an update. The Cup Final took place this past matchweek!

Another legend among mere mortals is our very own Justinho "King of the Cup" Miller. He defeated Dyl the Thrill Reid in the Cup final to clinch back-to-back Cup triumphs. What started off as a very tight matchup was all but settled after Sunday. Justin balled out again with a score of 75 pts. He really is Him in the Cup. Dylan made a late show of it with his captain Semenyo, but in the end, just as Donnie cannot be beaten in the League, Justin cannot be beaten in the Cup. Both will receive hefty payments for their victories.

There's still more to play for, as where you finish in standings does affect the payout...if you need me I'll be crying in some corner as I cling to a title I won ages ago and pretend I'm still good at fantasy.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND!!! AND WE DON’T NEED TO FIGHT TO THE END BECAUSE WE WON IT WITH EXTRA WEEKS LEFT IN THE SEASON!!!

Is maybe the second verse?

With still a week left to play, all of our winners for this FPL (and PL) season have been crowned. I’ll spend a bit of time on them in this recap so I can do a more wholistic season recap next week. Or maybe I’ll also talk about myself next week too. I mean I deserve it, right guys? Stop putting the robber on me!

First, there are a few weeks worth of weekly awards to give out! Let’s bang those out!

Gameweek 35!

Top scorer of the week was Julius! Right off a bottom scorer of the week in gameweek 34, this was only the third time all year of a manager losing $5 as the lowest scorer and then getting it right back!

Bottom scorer of the week was Lukey! Sadly this was the moment his title challenge collapsed, as even (Igor) Jesus couldn’t lead him to a miracle.

The Lineal Belt was SNATCHED from one title contender in Justin by the main title contender, Donny! You’ll be seeing that name in the weekly awards a lot more in this recap…

Gameweek 36!

Top scorer was Justin! His 70 burger was only the 7th time a team had scored 70+ all year. Some incredible bench substitution, bringing on 26 points, were the main reason. You always gotta be prepared!

Bottom scorer of the week was Levi! Would he have traded an Arsenal title for FPL misery back in August? Probably so, and it came true! Will he trade an FPL title for Arsenal misery next year? If they win the champions league, I think he just might…

The Lineal Belt went ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO WHERE, as Donny retained it against his co-commish, and Levi becomes another double loser this season.

Gameweek 37!

Top scorer was … drumroll please … Donny! Absolutely flying the last few months of FPL, this might be one of the punctuations on his season. And he left a player with 11 points on his bench!

Bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! Want to know what GW37 Dylan and GW36 Levi had in common? They both played Donny, hehe!

The Lineal Belt STAYED WRAPPED FIRMLY around Donnys (growing) waist as Dylan becomes the second double loser in as many weeks.

Now some fun facts about the two champs!

Justin is a repeat cup winner who is untouchable in the knockouts (perfect 6-0 record) and always . Sitting in 7th place at GW17, and 5th place as recently as GW27, he has secured consecutive 2nd place finished in addition to his cup triumphs. Justin also finds value in guys off the waiver wire like no one else in this league. He signed 4 different players that scored 90+ points for him this season in the first couple of gameweeks, and had the second highest percentage of his points come from waiver players (61%) which was second to only Julius. One last incredible fact about Justin’s season, to really hammer home his waiver prowess, is that he tied for the league lead in “waiver influenced wins”. This stat is defined as “a win directly due to the collective impact of same-week waiver pickups”, meaning the net gain from waivers in vs out is larger than your margin of victory that week. Justin had 5 this season! Lukey and Levi and tied him atop the leaderboard with 5. It’s been an incredible first two seasons for the, now second most decorated manager, in BMS FPL. He looks to be a real force to be reckoned with for the years to come.

Donny has secured his third straight league title, and simply cannot be beat over the course of a full season. This year he scored in the top half of the league at all positions over the corse of the year. What is most impressive is that he’s tallied 164 points from his GKs, yet Raya (the top scoring GK) has only scored 162 points. That’s some waiver/schedule mastery right there. Another fun fact is that Donny didn’t have a losing record against any manager this year, either winning the season series outright or splitting it with each and every manager. And everybody knows that when it comes down to title time, the last few months of the season, nobody wants to play Donny. He’s currently on a 10 (!) game win streak, meaning that he’s gone around the league and beat everyone all in a row. Like they say, when the train is coming through, get off the tracks..

There is still more to play for this weekend! Payouts at the end of the season are determined by table position, and if you finished 6th or below you will owe additional money! So make sure to hit the waivers one last time, and set those lineups everyone!

“What’s the best day of the year? Your birthday? Thanksgiving team dinner at Thorne? Any day you’re not with Levi? All of the above?

Well right up there is the start of the premier league, and as a result FPL. There is so much hope, blank slates, and promise for everyone. And yet, all of the joy created will be accompanied by despair. An eye for an eye, a win for a loss.

So gather round fellow managers, to hear about the weekly sorrows and jubilations of a bunch of washed up soccer players who’s happiness depends on a pretend team made up of people who don’t know they exist.

Here’s how this works! We’ll start off with the highest and lowest scorers. Then we’ll crown the Lineal Belt Winner. Followed by some ripples for other managers around the league.

Sooooooooooo, gimme gimme gimme…

Highest scorer of the week was … Julius! Salah was the highest scoring player this week, and he anchored Ten Hogs to a really strong 54 points. He becomes the first winner of the cash equivalent to the (original) subway footlong.

Lowest scorer of the week was CHANGE NAME. Haydo and House, the PL website has banned your name. And it seemingly has come with a points deduction too??? Ah wait, no y’alls team just only scored 24 points. Got doubled up by multiple teams. Don’t ring the alarm bells yet, it’s only week one. But ya know, don’t let this happen again.

Reminder, highest scorer is responsible for Venmo requesting the lowest scorer for $5 each week.

The Lineal belt this week was contested between last year’s Champion (Donny and Wardo) and last year’s cup winner (Lukey), to see who starts the season with the belt. Avenging last year’s cup semi-final battering, Donny RKOs Lukey out of nowhere (!) to become this season’s first holder. He will now defend it next week against whoever his opponent is. And that opponent will be …. Drumroll please …. Lukey! In a crazy turn of events, a curveball has immediately been thrown and it will be Donny and Wardo vs Lukey, The Rematch. Keep an eye on this one next week.

Some other shoutouts around the league!

Let’s give a little ripple to Levi! His boys were the only other team to put up 50+. Based off his performance this week, he’ll be living off Arsenal clean sheets more than Chaban off smoothies his freshman year.

A little ripple to London Sadness and their gaffer, Dyl! He scored less than 2 other managers who lost this week, but he himself won. Smart man, he’s like Donny playing Fifa: pick your opponents carefully.

Now, some important reminders:
1. The waiver wire deadline is always 1 day before lineups lock. This week it is Friday at 6am EST. You can submit as many claims for players as you would like, then at that time the claims are processed by waiver order, which is reverse standings.
2. You can then make unlimited free agent signings until lineups lock. Lineups love 90 min before the first match of the s=week.
3. Don’t be the guy who doesn’t set his lineup! Not only will I publicly shame you, but you’ll lose $5!
4. United fans, it was a 1-0 win over Fulham - don’t get too excited

Oh how I’ve missed this.

Don’t forget to check and set those lineups for this next week!”

Picture this. It’s a hot Saturday afternoon in the fall. You’re freshly showered, dressed in a polo and khakis with sharp runners. You’ve just finished inhaling all that the post-win, tailgate meal has to offer. Ready for the bus ride home, even through the conversation you’ve having, you hear a voice rise above the others. Coach Wiercinski steps up to the front. He gives a classic tailgate speech. He praises the team’s hard work, quality, and slightly makes fun of Chaban. He gives a little ripple to the parents, then to the players, and then to [insert your assistant coach here] and [insert your trainer here].

Now you’re on the bus, and guess what time it is? After Action time. While Justin starts his Fundamentals of Music homework that is due next month, everyone takes their phones out and begins. The results are as follows:

Best player (highest scorer) goes to Chabo! After a mediocre showing week 1, instead of panicking, he stuck with his team. They repaid him with an outstanding 69 points (nice!) buoyed by his defenders averaging 10 points each.

Worst player (lowest scorer), for a second week running, is Haydo and Houseman! Following up their 24 point performance last week with an improved 25 points (lol) their team has stumbled out of the gates. But it’s early days, and just like how in die you can’t have a bad game if you sink someone, House and Haydo might start aiming right at the cups. They face another 0-2 team in Lukey next week, with a real chance for their first win.

The Lineal Belt winner, with the first successful defense of the season, is Donny and Wardo! In the first two weeks they have been ctr+alt+deleting their opposition like a CrowdStrike update, and this week was no different as they beat the absolute brakes off of Lukey. Yes, Cold Palmer and Chelsea may have set back tourism to Wolverhampton by 100 years, but at least Wardo and I get $5 out of it!

Next week, the challenger for the Lineal Belt will be … drumroll please … another 2-0 team … the Ten Hogs! Make sure to tune into that one!

Hardest worker goes to Levi! I hope you’re still on your parents phone plan, and have unlimited data, because I hear every manager is ~this~ close to blocking your number if you text them asking for their forwards again.

Some other ripples for managers across the league!

Little ripple for Drake! The first 1 point victory of the season, sorry Ethan! I’m pretty sure that FPL changed Robertson’s bonus points with a stat correction, causing Ethan to lose instead of tie. Now that is a bad beat. But at least for the first time this season, Man’s Chest Are United.

Little ripple for Dyl! TO score the third highest points this week and still lose is unfortunate. You are officially the Louis Litt to Chabo’s Harvey Specter this time around.

Little ripple to Ethan! The most hyped new manager has arrived in the BMS FPL and learned that there is quality top to bottom, and because of that there are no easy wins. Can he right the ship next week?

Few reminders:
1. Waivers are reset every week to reverse standings order. So not using your waiver selections in a given week doesn’t get you anything. If you see any players you like, claim them.
2. Waivers are executed 24 hours before lineups for the week lock, which is 6am EST on Friday this week
3. Trades are processed immediately
4. What did I tell you United fans ;)

Everybody around the league has been doing an outstanding job so far. Let’s keep that up and make sure we are setting our lineups!

Ladies, gentlemen, and whatever Wardo is calling himself these days, welcome! Week 3 has come and gone, and with it we are learning more and more about each team in the league. So without further [insert homophone for most commonly used starting word for WORDLE here], let’s get right into it!

But first! We have the usuals!

Starting off with highest scorer, this weeks winner is … drum roll please … Ctrl Aït-Nouri! To be honest, there should be a caveat that Haaland’s points shouldn’t count towards this award. He’s too good, plain and simple. But hey, that doesn’t exist! Lucky me and Wardo :)

Bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! Real tough week all around, as only 1 of his 15 rostered players returned this week. His starting 11 only scored 3 more points than the highest scoring individual player this week (Salah at 17). So maybe try and trade your whole team for him?

The Lineal Belt has been successfully defended by Ctrl Aït-Nouri for the 2nd week running! They defeated Julius in a real barn burner, 59-50. Shoutout to Julius, he put up the second most amount of points in the league this week, and tried as hard as he could he unseat the champs. But alas, even with Salah, he could barely get within single digits. Next week, it’s Dylan’s turn to try and knock off the champs.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Justin and Drake! The first tie of the year! As the old saying goes, a tie is a bit like kissing your sister, no one (except Selig) is happy about it. But at least it’s more points on the board. And you don’t have to worry about GD tiebreakers anymore.

Shoutout to Ethan and Haydo/House! These first year managers got their first wins of the season this past week. Monkey of your back, weight of the world off your shoulders, whatever phrase you want to use to describe how these managers are feeling. Now there is just one winless manager left in the league so far…

Shoutout to Lukey! The reigning cup champ is now (yes I am going to repeat what I just said above) the only pointless team in the league. Maybe he’s saving his squad for the cup, which starts next game week. Improved performances are needed, and soon, otherwise he could lose touch with the rest of the league.

There is a pretty serious break until the next game week due to the international break. So take some time, regroup, reject Levi’s absurd trade offers, and enjoy some blissfully unimportant international footy.

Alright alright alright. The very first Cup weekend is in the books. Some very exciting stuff.

In our Man United matchup between Drizzy and Jules, it was Jules that came out on top. A worldie performance from Onana led Julius to an opening round win in an otherwise unspectacular matchup

An unsurprisingly dominant performance from Donnie as he cruised past Chabo Chabo. The Donnie/Ward team really needs to start letting Ward make the decisions otherwise the rest of the league is in trouble. A captained Haaland netted 26 points. Meanwhile Rashford of all people was the only one for Chabo who scored above 3 pts…A tough weekend all around as Spurs also dropped a dud

One of the tightest matchups of the weekend was Dylan matched up against House/Haydo. Lots of moves made by the newbies keeps up their run of good form and sees them edge Dyl off a Mateta masterclass

Ethan just can’t catch a break. Losing in the league in close ones and continuing that form in the cup as he falls to Justin. While de Ligt starred for E—Justin was able to ease past him thanks to Watkins finally coming good and more importantly strong performance from a captained Harvey Barnes (newly acquired via trade).

Lastly, and leastly, Lukey and Levi. Luscious lovers these two are not. Lukey scored a respectable 41, but had no hope against an Arsenal defence that can’t seem to concede and a Saka that can’t stop contributing. Luke’s quest to defend his Cup Crown 👑 off to a tough start. Levi’s 73 pts is the most recorded this week, with more than half those points coming from the NLD…suck it Chabo!

And just like that, we’re 10% of the way through the season! 10% can be a little, or a lot, depending on the context. Only getting 10% off the monthly subscription rate for Brazzers, that’s not much. Losing 10% of your monopoly games to Owen, that’s a fuck ton.

When it comes to the FPL season, however, think of it as more of the former. So much time for each and every manager here to make moves to push their team towards the top. Some teams need a serious make over to accomplish that, while other just need to keep the rudder straight. In this week’s recap we’ll take a look at each team and see how far away they are from seriously competing.

But first! Dyno-tech! And then our usual shoutouts!

Top scorer of the week, who couldn’t even wait for this recap to rub it in, was Levi! Our fourth winner in as many weeks, it’s good to see parity in this award after it was dominated by Donny towards the end of last year. The combo of a Gooner’s NLD win and a top scorer award probably had Levi gooning himself all weekend. If you don’t know what that means, ask your students. But like, not near any other adults…

Bottom scorer of the week, on the other side of the NLD, was Chabo Chabo. His team had fewer returns than Chabos in his name. They put up a measly 24, the only team to score less than 30. Painfully, his bench consisting of just 4 players, put up ~double checks notes~, 26…. So there are points in your team! You just need to put the right 11 out there next week.

The Lineal Belt this week has been DEFENDED by Wardo and Donny (see how Wardo’s name is first Levi). Dyl put up a good fight, but it’s nearly impossible to beat any draft FPL team with Haaland in it right now. This is their 3rd straight defense of the belt, and these payments are now considered passive income by Wardo and Donny. Let’s see if Mo’s Miller’s can crack the code next week and snatch the belt.

Now, like I teased in the beginning, let’s take a quick look at each team’s first month in the BMS FPL! Starting from the bottom of the table, we’ll then work our way to the top.

Mainoo Mentality - 0pts - 132 scored
Lukey is going to need some of that strong mentality if he’s going to pull his team from the Mariana Trench that is last place. Currently the only winless team, he’s had 2 losses by four or less points, and the other two weeks played the weekly highest scorer. The issue really seems to have been the pre-draft scouting of FWDs, as all 3 he drafted (Richardson, Darwin and Toney) have been absolute busts. But with one of the strongest keeper picks on his roster in Cole Palmer, this team can absolutely be salvaged. Smart wavier wire play will be required, though.

London Sadness - 3pts - 144 scored
Dylan’s only victory so far this season was against the lowly Mainoo Mentality, but Ws are Ws. A team that has quality within it just needs to put it all together more consistently, as they’ve averaged only 3 players giving returns each week. He’s played the top 2 teams already, so the schedule looks a bit easier the next month. Crucially, a matchup next week vs our next team could really point to which team can climb out of the bottom, and which one may be stuck there…

Spongeoscarbobb - 3pts - 159 scored
So far, the story is he can’t win close games. All 3 of his losses have come by single digits, with one coming by just a single point. The biggest issues seems to be his midfield production. Despite spending high draft picks and future draft capital at the position, his midfielders have returned a bleak 25% of the time. However, he has collected 3 starting and quality strikers on his team, which almost no one else can say. If he can get those FWDs to start scoring, or maybe flip one to fortify his team elsewhere on the pitch, this team can start winning more matches. But beware, it’s getting close to flu season, and the injury bug seems to be infecting his squad.

SPURSATLAW - 3 pts - 165 scored
Chaban should consider himself unlucky to be sitting down in 7th place when the 3 teams directly above them have all scored fewer points. His team has shown is potential offensive prowess with the league highest single week total so far this season (69, nice!). But you just don’t know which team you’ll see on a week to week basis, as this week’s lowest scorer award highlights. One or two slight tweaks to this lineup, and the stars justttt aligning the right way, will see this team jump up the standings.

Man Chest Are United - 4 pts - 137 scored
A team that has ridden some luck to be mid table, and could very well be sitting on 0 points if it weren’t for some late stat changes and ties. Even so, this team is one of the more underrated ones in the league. Even with the horror draft of Trippier, a back 4 of Timber-Mitchell-Robinson-Konsa is better than most, and he had the selection of the draft by getting Luis Diaz, who is the 3rd highest point scorer so far. His next 4 matches include the 3 bottom teams currently in the table, so there is a great opportunity to stake a real claim on being a top-half team.

Fit Birds & B#@*&rs - 6 pts - 118 scored
A team currently with a lot of momentum, having been the lowest scorer the first 2 weeks, but then winning their last 2 matches. 2 first time draft FPL managers that stuck to their scouting and didn’t ship out any of their top prospects after poor starts has been an inspiring story to all of those following the league. Their first round pick, Foden, has yet to play more than 1 half of footy, so there is even more potential in this team. It does have to be said, however, that they are serious beneficiaries of the draft format as they have scored the least amount of points yet sit in 5th. But hey, as long as you score more than your opponent, it doesn’t matter.

Mo’s Miller’s - 7 pts - 149 scored
Justin has been the most successful *new* manager to BMS FPL in this first month, and has only lost 1 of his first 4 matches. On paper, one wouldn’t necessarily look at his team and think top 4, but good managers get the best out of their squad. And as we’ll see in the remaining team recaps, there seems to be a pair of teams emerging from the pack. Justin is doing his best to fight for the “best of the rest” within the league, and looks poised to continue to do so, especially with Watkins just starting to heat up.

Ten Hogs - 9pts - 176 scored
An incredible start to the season for the manager who was ridiculed heavily by his fan base towards the end of last year. 3 wins from 4, with his only loss coming to the league leaders, Julius has put together a team that is well balanced and has high scoring potential across 3 of the 4 positions. However, the recent injury to Wissa will hit his team hard. If he can’t find a suitable replacement, or points from elsewhere on his team, he could slide back towards the rest of the field. How he handles this will be crucial, and the whole league is watching.

SaKai it to me Baby - 12 pts - 200 scored
Averaging 50 points a week is incredible, especially without Haaland. Levi has been doing his best Kevin Costner on Draft Day impersonation (except his post-it note says: the entire Arsenal team, no matter what), and just won’t stop wheeling and dealing. He only has 2 players on his team that he drafted, and yet it has worked! The reliance on Arsenal players will mean his team goes up and down with their results. But, that’s not a bad team to ride or die by. Looking forward, the return of Højlund could provide a boost in his chase of last year’s champs, the final team on our list…

Ctr-Ait-Nouri - 12 pts - 218 scored
To be honest, Donny and Wardo’s first month can be summed up by their first managerial minute this season - drafting Haaland. He is a cheat code, and has bee scoring at such an incredible rate that other managers have petitioned to ban him from the league. However, these two managers have put together a very solid team behind Haaland. If you subtract Haaland’s points from their total, and instead give them a FWD who scores just 3 points a week, they would still be at an outstanding 176 points, good for tied second in the league. With City’s FFP trial starting this week, the whole league will be holding their breathe to see if City get relegated to the Stone Age, and the crown jewel of Ctr-Ait-Nouri leaves the Prem…. But until then, this is Vegas’ team to beat!

That’s all I got for ya’ll this week! Remember, check waivers and set those lineups! Every week counts!

Little life update about me, I’m currently on my first work trip ever. Adulting! Where did I get to go you ask? Somewhere sexy, like Miami, NYC or LA? Maybe somewhere just kind of cool, like Houston, Orlando or Seattle? Or maybe somewhere shit, like Wolverhampton (🥲)? Nope! Somewhere even worse - Omaha, Nebraska!

So I’m sitting out here in Omaha, trying to figure out why the heck people live out here. All I can see is corn and the occasional cow. I think to myself, “God, I can’t imagine anything worse than living in Omaha”. But then I realized there is something worse, something that I wouldn’t even wish on my worst enemy - and that’s being winless in fantasy … after 5 weeks . Sorry Lukey, but you asked for it! Everybody, thank whatever God or Voodoo spirits you pray to that you’re not Lukey right now.

But hey! I don’t want to pile on too much onto him. Every team has their issues (insert Pointer Brothers side eye right here because, uh, 2 teams don't have issues). But most teams have issues. Let’s see how everyone did this past week in our fifth iteration of the BMS FPL recap!

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was …. Drumroll please … Wardo and Donny! Putting up their second 60 point performance of the year already, this team is an offensive juggernaut. And it wasn’t a top heavy performance either, but instead consistency across the entire board. An incredible 8 of their 11 players returned, with only 2 players scoring 2 or less points. They have 6 of the top 30 scoring players so far this season, including 4 of the top 15. This team is a freight train, you just got to get off the tracks if you see them coming towards you.

Bottom scorer of the week, only ‘winning’ this award by 3 points, was Ethan! To put this in perspective compared to Donny and Wardo’s team, Ethan’s squad had only 2 players return this week. The new manager continues to find life in the demanding BMS FPL a challenge. He better figure out how to adapt quickly, as the fans are starting to turn against him. An absolutely immense pillow fight looms next week against bottom of the table Lukey, in what is a must-win for both teams. Points can be hard to come by in this league, you need to take them when you get the chance. And this week should be like taking candy from a baby. Except I’m, not sure if Luke or Ethan are the baby…

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED again by Donny and Wardo this week. Justin put up the 6th highest score of the season, and still couldn’t knock the kings off of their thrones. And a late Gibbs White red card made this matchup less close than it could have been. Shoutout Justin, he pushed the champs more than anyone else all year. Looking ahead to next week, in the same vein as the bottom of the table clash, next week’s Lineal Belt matchup will be an absolute must watch. Levi brings the undefeated SaKai it to me Babys to town in what is to be the most entertaining matchup of the season so far. An early preview may have Levi favored since Arsenal play Leicester at home. However, Vegas still has the Ctr-Ait-Nouri’s as the favorites, and the betting public is fully backing not just on money line, but also them to cover the spread. Keep an eye on this one, as it could (just like arsenal v city) be an early season title decider. Now all I need to do it get Michael Oliver involved, and tell him Levi’s team has Arsenal players…

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Shoutout to Lukey! Yes, I gave him a whole pile of shit earlier in the recap, but his team is trending upwards. Last week was his first weekly top half points finish. A win is on the horizon for him and his squad.

Shoutout to Haydo and Houseman! Last recap we talked about how they looked like a team on the rise. However, they did not show up this week, enroute to their third sub 30 point performance of the year. To give context, there has only been 7 of those performances across the league so far this year. And to make matters worse, with Lukey’s 46 point performance this week, they are now the only team to not eclipse 40 points. Donny and Wardo’s team hasn’t scored less than 40 points once yet. Maybe the offensive coordinator needs to be changed, maybe a set piece coach needs to be brought in, but something has to change. Maybe tell Pep to play Foden?

Shoutout to Drizzy! Back into the top half of the table this week! While he may look a bit out of place there, this is a results oriented business. The league will be watching to see if he can hold onto his precarious spot, or if 5th place will jus become a revolving door.

As mentioned throughout this recap, massive matchups at the top and bottom of the table will steal the headlines this week. However, every week counts the same! Every matchup matters! Don’t forget to his the waivers, and set those lineups!

in the league, and if he doesn’t lose again he guaranteed a championship ;). Next week, in his first defense of the belt, Drake Byrd will come to town with some attitude, looking to put just the third name on the belt this year.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Lukey! Everyone was following the hotly contested fight at the bottom of the table, I personally could not keep my eyes off of it. He pulled it out by jusssstttt 1 point, getting that monkey off his back by taking his first W of the year.

Shoutout to Ethan! Wow, another loss by 1 point, damn. What FPL gods did you piss off, and how? Anyways, you’ve got a great chance to move on quickly as you’re in the NEXT pillow fight of the week upcoming against this week’s lowest scorers, House and Haydo.

Shoutout to Donny and Wardo! Their stream of passive income from the Lineal Belt has finally been ended. This is the first time they’re not leading the league in OVER A YEAR. We’ll never see another run like that ever again most likely. How will they respond next week, as the streaky SPURSATLAW come to town.

Shoutout to Dylan! The current flavor of the week, he’s sitting in 4th place right now. That position in the table is somewhat a Master of the Dark Arts teacher, as no one seems to last more than one week in it. Let’s see if he can finally defeat Voldemort, I mean hold onto 4th place, this upcoming week.

Remember, the cup is this week, so pick your captains and vice captains! Waivers happen tonight, so make sure you’re putting in requests for that too!

And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

Not to steal Donnie’s thunder but the second matchweek of the cup is in the books. Let’s get right into it.

Starting from the bottom now we here…literally as our bottom two faced off in a rematch of last week’s colossal pillow fight and the result was anything but fluffy for Ethan as it seems Lukey filled his pillow cases with bars of soap and beat the shit out of E. Ethan’s 31 pts was the second fewest of the weekend, and Lukey’s 64 was the second most. Ethan becomes the only winless member of Group B—but with players like Isak and Odegaard coming back from injury soon there is still hope!

The next matchup was deemed to be a one-sided one. The bookies had House/Haydo at 6-1 underdogs against the second coming of Arsenal’s invincibles. Despite Arsenal being home to Southampton and starting 7 (yes 7) Arsenal players, Levi fell to House/Haydo thanks to…Noni Madueke. Noni fucking Madueke! Seriously how tf can’t we keep a clean sheet at home to Southampton!? All props to the underdogs here as House/Haydo move to 2-0 in the group phase, showing they are built for this league despite their freshness. Levi left rueful after leaving Trippier’s 7 pts on the bench and losing by the smallest margin this week (56-54).

The world’s smallest violin will be played for Justin this week as he saw Liverpool go top of the Prem but saw his side lose an FPL Cup matchup to Julius despite putting up a valiant 59 pts. On the other hand, Julius would probably trade his incredible 76-pt tally for United to just win one match. Julius deserves immense credit as he put up the week’s highest score despite his captain laying a relative blank. He moves to 2-0, while Justin is safely at 1-1.

The next matchup was just sad. Donnie and Wardo teamed up and used the power of friendship and co-ownership to defeat Dylan—who dare I say it might need to enlist Owen’s monopoly powers of trading in order to improve his station. He scored..22 pts. That would be his scored if all 11 of us trotted out and played 60 minutes without cards. As it was, Dan the Mountain Man Burn scored over 1/3 of his pts. Ctrl Ait-Nouri (in need of a different pun name in this pun-ditz opinion) cruised to victory behind everyone but Haaland this week. Only going to show the strength of depth his team has, without his highest scorer performing. Seriously, his team is nasty, nobody trade with him, and place the robber on him every time I swear!

The last and certainly least matchup saw Drizzy and Chabo Chabo face off. A tightly contested low-scoring affair saw Man U and Spurs both suck, and as a result Drake and Chaban not score much. Don’t worry, nothing is wrong, Ten Hag and Ange should be given 10-year contract extensions á la Boehly. Drake and Chabo on the other hand find themselves in the hot seat with a score of 34-38 in favour of Chobani thanks to…well ironically thanks to Welbeck scoring the winner against Spurs…lol sorry I genuinely just realised that and it’s the most Spursy thing ever.

Fellow fantasy managers, I hope you’ve enjoyed the international break! Poch and the USA off to a fantastic start riding that new manager bump 👃🏻, while England lost to Greece for the first time in their history lol. And while international footy is fun and all, I don’t have a fantasy team for it so what’s the point in watching?! It’s been over a week since the last FPL action, and I want to catch us all up before we get going again this weekend. So! Let’s get right into it!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Julius! His score of 73 wasn’t just a weekly high, but a season high as well. This is his 3rd time winning this award in only 7 weeks. He’s officially labeled himself an early season title contender, and is firmly established in the lead pack of 3.

Bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! His second “win” of the season, to add insult to injury he was marched up with Julius this week. Losing by … gulp … 52 points this week. That gap alone would have been the 4th highest scorer this week. His team had 6 (!) players score 1 point or less, and only 1 player score more than 3 points. However, this may be a manager issue, and not a player issue, as Dylan left 3 out of his 4 highest scoring players on the bench this past week. All eyes will be on his team selection this upcoming week.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED for the second time running by Levi! In his second lowest scoring week of the season, it was just enough to outlast a decent challenge from Drake. Next week he gets, newly bottom of the table, Ethan in what most would assume should be a straightforward match.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Lukey! Officially out of the basement for the first time all season! And with a MASSIVE 1 point win against his old friend/foe to do it. With that win he didn’t just jump to 8th, but all the way to 7th! And want to know the crazy part?? He’s only 3 points out of 4th place…

Shoutout to House and Haydo! How are they in 5th place with by far the least amount of points for? Well, the interns in the stats department have been crunching some numbers, and in their 7 matchups this year they’ve averaged only 33 points against. Compare that to Lukey, who in his matchups is being scored on at a rate of 50 points per week. For context, that’s like playing Donny or Julius every week of the season. So, the underlying stats have House and Haydo dropping down the table like a short player in the depth chart against Amherst. Can they find some answers before their luck runs out?

Shoutout to Justin! The only manager to have scored 300+ points this year and not have at least 18 league points. He, like Lukey, has unfortunately been a punching bag for opposing teams, giving up an average of about 45 points per week. He’s got 3 straight matchups against not Donny/levi/Julius, so this is a huge opportunity to grab some points climb up the table.

Lots of injuries over the international break means lots of players on waivers that could be looking good. Make sure to submit your claims, and don’t forget to set those lineups!

"History is written by the victors," they say, except, well, not this time. Yeah, I lost my matchup, but since I’m the one writing the recap, I get to decide how it all went down. So, officially, my opponent got lucky, total fluke. My players? Victims of bad officiating and coaching vendettas. The Saliba red card was BS. Levi even sent me one of his tinfoil hats to wear while I write this. So, let history show I was the better manager, it’s the scoreline just didn’t reflect the brilliance. History is funny like that.

Let’s check out the history of this past week across the league!Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was a tie between Justin and … *checks notes to make sure my prompt card is correct* … Ethan! Two teams that will be absolutely elated to be making an appearance in this part of the recap. They both had massive wins this week. This was the first time this season where a single team didn’t break 45 points. But to win this award you don’t need to be the Celtics and put up a billion 3s, you just gotta score mare than everyone else. So each of you, enjoy your $2.50 from whoever the lowest scorer was…

Bottom scorer of the week will not be given out this week. Unfortunately there wasn’t enough data to confirm this one. I think it was probably Owen though, with 0 points. So let’s just go with him.

The Lineal Belt was ABSOLUTELY FUCKING SNATCHED from Levi’s cold, dead hands by … *checks notes again because I swear to god my interns are making typos* … Ethan Ellsworth! This past week, Ethan filled his pillow with rocks instead of feathers, and knocked Levi out to claim the Belt! THIS LEAGUE! The holder of the Belt sits in last place in the standings, but now has what everyone wants. He’ll look to topple another league power in Donny and Wardo this upcoming week, as they somehow get another shot at the belt only a few weeks after losing it…

Some other shoutout across the league!

Shoutout to Ethan! I know we already talked about you earlier in the highest scorer and Lineal Belt sections, but defeating an undefeated team deserves a third shoutout. And to make it even sweeter, he left a double digit point scorer on the bench. That’s an extra middle finger to Levi, and the rest of the league.

Shoutout to the Davids, and a fuck you to the Goliaths! All 3 of the league leaders lost this week as Levi, Julius and Donny were all defeated by bottom of the table opposition. Previously those 3 teams had only lost to each other, so it’s great to see how much firepower there is across the league, and that on any given day anyone can beat anyone.

Shoutout to Drake! He apparently has that clutch gene, as he wins his second matchup of the season by 1 point, this time over Dylan. Dylan’s undoing was placing Tarkowski as his 3rd sub, meaning that he didn’t sub in even though he kept a clean sheet. If you’re not going to start a defender away to Ipswich Town, why even have him?

Shoutout to Lukey! He is on a 3 game win streak, and currently the hottest team in the league. What a difference a month makes, as Lukey has catapulted up the table from 10th to 7th during this streak. Next he has a very winnable matchup against near bottom of the table Chabo, where a win could potentially vault him all the way up to 4th!

Today is already Thursday, so waivers happen tonight! Make sure you’re checking your lineups and putting in requests! A big week ahead for all!

You ever get that feeling of déja vu? Maybe it’s a place, maybe it’s an interaction, maybe it’s a just a feeling you have that feels familiar. Well ladies and gentlemen, I think the whole league got a dose of déja vu this week because after a 3 week hiatus, Donny and Wardo are back atop the standings. Since week 5 of last year, their team has been in first place every week except the last few. How’s that for consistency. However, this year the league is much more competitive and challenges await them at every turn. Can our heroes (wardo and I) defeat the evil villains (you all) and save the princess (win the league)? Only time will tell…

Now! Enough about me! Let’s get into the recap! Starting off with our usuals!

Top scorer of the week was … oh that’s a bit embarrassing .. Donny and Wardo! Back to their dominant offensive style, goals were flowing. Interesting to note, our team has only had 2 clean sheets in the past 5 weeks from defenders/goalies, totaling an abysmal 8% rate. If there is a weakness to this team, that has to be it.

Bottom scorer of the week was SPURSATLAW! Dat man Welbs was his only player to return this week, and he put up a lowly 22. The only team to score under 30 points, however his season total is still respectable, sitting at 6th in the league. This team is likely headed for a turn around soon, if the law of averages is to be believed.

The Lineal Belt this week was TAKEN from the previous champion by … omg, more déja vu … Donny and Wardo! With the belt around our waist, all is right with the world. Next week our (belated) bday boy Drizzy gets an opportunity to be pummeled by Donnny and Wardo.

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Shoutout to Lukey! He continues his rapid ascent up the table by increasing his win streak to 4 games. Rumor has it his team’s pregame meal has been chippy chips. Just keep doing what you’re doing, don’t change your socks/underwear/anything while you’re on a streak like this.

Shoutout House and Haydo! They’re streaking as well, up to 3 games in a row for them. Trade me Eze, you don’t need him.

Shoutout to Dylan and Chabo! People forget, but you don’t have winning streaks unless somebody is doing the losing! These guys are the mirror image of the more sexy/handsome crews above, but both with 3+ losing streaks.

Shoutout to Julius! He won the matchup at the top of the table, defeating Levi to bring himself, Levi and Wardo/Donny all even on points. He joins Donny/Wardo as the only other team to have scored 400+ points so far this season.

Shoutout to Ethan! He wore the belt with pride this week, in fact I heard he never took it off. I’ll be by to collect it soon, please clean it for me first :)

Important round of waivers coming up tonight! Make sure you’re checking the free agent pool, and set those lineups!

Happy Monday folks…I know my recaps aren’t as juicy as Donnie’s but that’s just cause we’re still in the group phase of the Cup.

This week’s results are as follows:

Drake 33-32 Donnie/Wardo
Julius 37-32 Dylan
Chabo Chabo 82-28 Lukey (yikes)
Ethan 47-42 Levi (fuck me)
Justin 41-32 House/Haydo

Julius is cruise control, Donnie/Wardo, Chabo Chabo, Justin, House/Haydo all look set to advance to the knockouts despite not technically being guaranteed yet. Drake, Levi, Ethan, Lukey with just one win but can still get through with likely just one more. Dylan is dire straits but not out of it yet despite losing all of his matchups

After a full 48 hours of counting votes, we are able to officially project that combined ticket of Ryan Donlan and Levi Morant will be the commissioners again for the BMS FPL league. They have secured another term, after running unopposed … again. Their policy of weekly recaps really seemed to resonate with voters, even though they almost always get roasted in them. So now! With no lame duck status for these commissioners, here is your next recap!

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Chabo! This time last week, the recap was talking about how SPURSATLAW were due for a big outburst. My magic 8 ball didn’t let us down, as Chabo exploded for 66 points, tied for the 3rd highest weekly total. Interesting to note, even though Chabo sits in 9th, he has 2 of the 3 highest scoring weeks this season. When his boys go off, get the fuck out of the way.

Bottom scorer of the week was Lukey! Unfortunately, he’s back in the part of the recap nobody wants to be in. With only 1 player returning in his starting 11, and Palmer taking an apparently ~chill~ tackle from Lisandro, it was a week to forget. This loss stops his streak of 4 straight wins, and halts him climb up the table. Devastatingly, he only lost his matchup this week by 1 point to add insult to injury. 2 points away from a W and keeping hold of $5. Brutal.

The Lineal Belt this week was a tightly contested matchup. And while everyone and their momma expected CTR-Ait-Nouri to cruise to victory, their opponent had other plans. The Lineal Belt was SNATCHED by Drake Byrd and his Man Chest Are United squad. Handing Donny/Wardo just their 3rd loss of the season (although 2nd in 3 games), he again proved that he has that clutch gene as he won by only 2 points. Drake now has 5 wins by 5 or less points this year. Next week’s challenger, Ethan, will look to avoid keeping it close late, and avenge his 1 point loss to Drake earlier this year in the next Lineal Belt matchup.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! He has officially reached the threshold of 3 game losing streak to receive a public shaming. However, this week he got unlucky as he was the 2nd highest point scorer, yet he still lost his matchup. Rumor has it that the executives at Arsenal had Levi at the top of their list to replace Edu, but this recent loss of form has dissuaded them. His dream job is slipping out of his grasp, unless he can turn it around in the coming weeks.

Shoutout to Dylan! He broke a 3 game losing streak by eeking out a 1 point win over Lukey this past week. This keeps him in 8th place, and 3 points ahead of Ethan and Chabo in 10th and 9th respectively.

Shoutout to Justin! He’s on a heater! Winner of 3 straight, and it would have been 4 if he hadn’t lost to Lukey by 1 point a month back. He’s jumped back into 4th place in the table, and outside of the firmly established top 3 he has the most points for this season.

Shoutout to league parity! For the second week in a row Donny+Wardo/Julius/Levi all lost, unable to defeat those lower than them in the table. The rest of the pack is now catching up the this group, who pundits had previously predicted would run away with it. Will any of them win again? Are they all frauds? Only time will tell…

More big matchups across the league this week! Don’t forget to set those lineups

Fellas! It’s been a long time since our last recap. Here are some things that have (or could have) happened since:
⁃ Donny grew 2 inches taller
⁃ Houseman cooked 20 gallons of chili
⁃ Drake won 12 different soccer games
⁃ Ethan dressed up as SpongeBob 5 times
⁃ Selig has gone bald
⁃ Levi cancelled a date with a real live girl to talk footy

Now! Let’s get into the recap! Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Julius! Only 8 points behind Donny/wardo for the season, he is a staple in this section of the award. But forget about last week. A MASSIVE top of the table clash against the previously mentioned Donny/Wardo awaits his. The whole world will have their eyes on this one.

Lowest scorer of the week was Chabo! Do attorneys ever have to give back their fees? I guess this may be a first!

The lineal belt last matchweek was LOST AGAIN by the defending champion for the 3rd week in a row. And a familiar face in this section of the recap takes it back … Ethan! While generally fans and teams look to the cup when their league form is terrible, Ethan has instead looked to the belt! And he’s delivering! The fans love it, and it continues to buy him good faith with his management. Chaban is his next opponent in this fun reprieve from the league for Ethan’s team.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! It’s now 4 losses in a row, and he will continue to be ridiculed in this exact recap spot until he breaks this streak.

Shoutout to Justin! With his win over Levi last week he now is within 3 points of, the previously thought to locked in, of the top 3. He wins this week, and the other results go his way, he will be the first manager not named Julius/Donny/Wardo/Levi to be near the top of the table.

Shoutout to Dylan! Second lowest scorer of the week, but who cares when you play the lowest scorer. His opportunistic win vaults him all the way to the top half of the table.

Shoutout to Haydo and House! They’ve caught the injury bug from Ethan, and may not be able to field a healthy 11. Will they drop players they’ve been saving to field a healthy team? Or will they trust in their squad, and wait until they’re healthy.

Also! The official trade deadline is the next International break in March. All trades for this year must be completed before the prem match week after that international break. Trading will only be allowed again starting in the summer, after the season has ended. (Don’t worry Ethan, people can still just give you handjobs without draft picks if they want).

I know it’s early! But make sure you set those lineups!

t’s time for the pre-Thanksgiving Premier League Recap, where I roast you and your teams harder than your Aunt's overcooked turkey. Some of you were the gravy to mashed potatoes—smooth, savory, and keeping everything together. Others? You’re the cranberry sauce no one asked for—awkwardly sitting there, doing nothing but making everything else worse. Whether you're basking in the glory of a sweet victory or drowning in the soggy stuffing of defeat, this recap is here to dish it out with extra spice. So grab a drink, loosen your belt, and let’s dig into the carnage—because after this, you’ll need a nap, but there’s no escaping the brutal truth.

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Dylan! Riding his Spurs boys, he has an impressive 5 returns from his team. He also accomplished the elusive “perfect lineup” by not having any bench players outscore any starters. Congrats! You get the first slice of Turkey today!

Bottom scorer of the week was Lukey! His second win of this award in three weeks, he decided after this humiliation that something had to change. He made an absolute mega-deal with Levi to bring some serious life to his team this year. The question is, will this new time gel right away? And if not, will owenership put him underpressure after giving him all the players he asked them for? We shall see…

The lineal belt this week was DEFENDED by Ethan against Chabo this past week! Quietly on a three game win streak, his fortunes have changed since his team switched to the SpongeBob themed kit. He’s jumped to the highest he’s ever been in the table this season , 7th, and next week he’ll look to continue climbing and defend his Belt against the hotter than hot Justin.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Justin! You know I need to back up that “hotter than hot” statement with stats because lets face it, I don’t think anyone has ever used that phrase to describe him before :) Winner of 5 in a row, he may not be demolishing teams, but he is consistently putting up points. He has scored 35+ points in 9 straight weeks, always giving himself a chance to win. He has vaulted himself into the top 3, breaking the stranglehold Donn/Julius/Levi have had on it.

Shoutout to House and Haydo! Nothing points for or against related this time around. It has come to the attention of my intern stats keeper that after Chaban’s attempt to win the belt this week, you guys are the only team to not have played for the Lineal Belt yet this season. Whether that is just unlucky, or Dana White doesn’t think you’re a true contender, I’m not sure. But if Ethan wins this week, then loses to Dylan next week, you’ll have your first shot!

Shoutout to Levi! After starting the season with 7 straight wins, he followed that up with 5 (and counting) straight losses. He’s decided to completely blow it up and do Darly Morey tanking style for the rest of this season. Cold Palmer is a gem who can score 20+ on any given week, but the rest of his lineup may not even make the NESCAC playoffs. He’s going to be a cup team the rest of the season, meaning this week’s cup matchup is must-win.

Shoutout to you all! I say this today, but I feel it all the time. I’m thankful for all of y’all. Thank you for allowing me to live out my dream as an amatuer fantasy sports writer, and as someone who just wants to make fun of Levi. I hope all of y’all have a great holiday and get to spend it with fam and friends.

Also! The prem week starts tomorrow, so waivers are today! Make sure you get some moves in, and set those lineups!

The cup results are in.

Lukey edged Justin, mainly due to savvy trading with yours truly.

Levi bent Donnie over a barrel and spanked him hard this week, winning by an absurd 41-pt margin. Wardo watched from the corner of the room.

Jules beat Chabo Chabo comfortably.

Drake beat Dylan comfortably.

Ethan v. House/Haydo was the closest matchup by far. Ethan’s 46 enough to edge House/Haydo’s 44. A valiant effort but nothing more they could’ve done, captained Wood but Ethan was plenty stuff himself with the likes of his Johnson performing.

Standings are updated and it was an impactful week.

Group A is settled. Julius is a point off the top in the league, and the clear best team in the cup. The only perfect side, and can afford to rest players and still comfortably win Group A. Sadly, we have seen the last of Dylan in the Cup this year. A first-round exist for the Chelsea boy, with many citing his refusal to engage in trade talks the reason his Cup season ended early.

Group B still with everything to play for. As you can see, all 5 teams are tied on 6 pts. That means that the next Cup matchup is MASSIVE, and will decide who is going home. Everyone still capable of finishing last and heading home 👀
The key matchups in a couple weeks are as follows:

Lukey v. Haydo/House
Justin v. Levi
Ethan v. Drake

So start talking your shit now and preparing for matchweek 16 as it’s make or break Group B

An FPL recap on a Monday??? Yes! We are now in the box defending portion of practice, where it’s action all the time and no breaks. There are 6 (!) FPL gameweeks in the month of December. So instead of asking [insert your preferred gift giver] for some shiny new toys, ask them instead for the brainpower to remember to set your lineups, and the wisdom to choose them well.

But before FPL in December officailly starts, lets look back at the last match week in November. Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was Levi with 69! Nice!

Bottom scorer of the week was Justin! Quite frankly, on the surface of things Justin didn’t have a bad week. His 31 was higher or equal to House/Haydo’s total in 9 of the 13 weeks so far. In fact, 31 is the highest lowest score in a matchweek so far this season. This loss breaks his league leading 5 game win streak, and drops him back out of the top 3. He’ll look to rebound next week against the league leaders in a crucial matchup to show he belongs in the title fight.

The Lineal Belt was DEFENDED AGAIN this past week by the man who lives in a pineapple under the sea! Justin tried his damned hardest, but Ethan had assist hattrick hero Evanilson, who incredibly got 3 FPL assists by drawing 3 penalties. My interns are doublechecking me here, but I believe that is the first time ever that has been accomplished. Next week Ethan will look to retain his belt when London Sadness comes to town.

Some other shoutout across the league!

Shoutout to Donny/Wardo and Dylan! The second tie of the season! 1 extra fricken point for either team, and they would have had the victory (yes, everyone knows what a tie is, but i got to hit my word count somehow). However the annoyance, the point was vital for both teams as Donny/Wardo stay in the outright lead at the top, and Dylan keeps his spot in the top half of the table. Both by just 1 point.

Shoutout to Drake! After his massive upset to win the Belt against Donny/Waro he has gone on a 3 game losing streak. But United kind of look good? What kind of deal with the (red) devil did you make? And how do I make it for Wolves…?

Shoutout to Ethan! He’s the current Belt holder and on a 4 game win streak. His ascension up the table has been rapid, and he’s only 1 point off of the top half. After taking just 3 points from his first 7 matches, he’s taken 15 from his last 6. Rumour has it that if Pep is to be fired, he’s currently on the shortlist.

Shoutout to Levi! He finally breaks his 5 match losing streak. Looks like that blockbuster deal for Palmer was the catalyst. But if you look under the hood, Kluivert who was only the 4th player to break 20 in a single FPL game week. Is Levi’s team really in tank mode? Or does he know something no one else does, and is actually charging for the title? The press tries not to get too excited after just one win, but it’s the BMS FPL! Everyone over reacts to everything!

Since tomorrow is the start of the match week, waivers have already processed. But no fear, if you didn’t have a chance to put in any requests, there are still some fabulous players in the free agent pool.

Don’t forget to set those lineups!

Did you miss me? No? Well too bad. I know it’s only been 48 hours since we last spoke, but FPL gameweeks are currently tighter than Max’s clenched buttcheeks when Levi walks behind him. And just like at a Thorne brunch recap, there are lots of stories and storylines to discuss. So without any further delay, let’s get right into it!

Starting off with the content you know and love!

Top scorer of the week was Lukey! One half of the biggest blockbuster deal done this year, and in just his second week from it, he’s standing atop the weekly leaderboard. While Lukey did give away the current #3 FPL player (Palmer) in the deal, in the two weeks since the trade the players he received have shined. Damsgaard (14), Gabriel (9), McNeil (11), Raya (8) and Havertz (8) have all returned at least once in just that short span. And with the emergence of Iwobi (20 points in last 2 weeks) this is a team that may boast the most depth in the league. His ownership and the fans will be hoping he can puppeteer this team up the table with their newfound offensive prowess.

Bottom scorer of the week was Levi! The other half of that blockbuster, he has come crashing back down to Earth after his highest scorer award last week. With just 1 return combined from his team (starters or bench) he finished 13 points (!) below the next lowest scorer. This team seemingly has no depth, and you wonder where the points are going to come from going forward, if Saka and Palmer can’t combine for 30+ each week.

The Lineal Belt was STOLEN from the reigning champ, by your NEW LINEAL BELT CHAMP OF THE BMS FPL … Dylan! While he put up an impressive 41 points in this match, the storyline is the disasterous management from the previous champ. Ethan, the man under the spotlight here, left his starboy Isak (!) in his third sub slot. And what did Isak go and do? Just drop a masterclass with a goal, assist and bonus to get 11 points. This is the equivalent of starting your all-conference striker at left back and then asking why you don’t score goals. Anyways, Dylan won’t care how it happend, just that he’s the new champ. He’ll look to go for his first ever defense against … could it be … House and Haydo! Avid readers may remember a few weeks back there was a small footnote about how this pair were the only ones to never have fought for the belt. Well that ends this week! Don’t be nervous fellas!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Julius! He is officially now the league’s highest scorer. Salah has scored an outrageous 24% of those points, and is almost singlehandidly helping Julius keep the pressure on Donny/Wardo at the top. If Salah starts to slow down, does Julius have the firepower to keep fighting for the title?

Shoutout to league parity! While there is a 6 point gap from 3rd to 2nd, the gap between every other position is less than 3 points. Each week, everybody has a chance to move up or down.

Shoutout to people paying attention! Six people mad waiver requsts this week, even though there was less than 12 hours to do so!

Lineups lock tomorrow at 6am EST, so make sure you set them tonight!

Oooh baby, time for another one of these. I know y’all ain’t tired of reading weekly recaps of our make pretend soccer league, but I sure as heck ain’t tired of writing them. It’s committed, honest relationships like ours that keep the world spinning. A testament to true love. Now, let’s get down to business (to defeat…the Huns).

Starting with the specials this evening (which are the same every evening)!

Top scorer of the week was Justin! The man who publicly decreed that fantasy lineup locks and subbing rules were stupid benefitted from them incredibly, as his 51 point total was buoyed by an impressive 21 points from his three bench players, who all subbed on. This was a massive win for Justin, as he now is the first player besides the Levi/Donny/Julius trio to occupy a top 3 spot this year. Enjoy the view from the (nearly) top!

Bottom scorer of the week was Chabo! SPURSATLAW uncharacteristically left two spurs players on the bench this week. One of them he could have used for sure, as Solanke was only 1 of two players on his entire roster to return. Of his other 13 players, 7 of them scored 1 point or fewer. Currently bottom of the table, the fans are beginning to get restless, and want not just entertaining football but results! A matchup against the league leaders awaits Chabo (Chabo) next week, and it’s an opportunity to stun the world and get his season back on track.

The Lineal Belt was STOLEN from Dylan by our new, and first time Belt holders, House and Haydo! The last team to get a crack at the belt, my statistics intern tells me they’re now the only team to have never lost in a Lineal Belt matchup! A lot has been made about House and Haydo’s fantasy luck this year, as they currently sit in 5th with the least amount of points for. I made my stats intern go back and find me something good to share with y’all about their season, and boy did they/them deliver. This season there have been 15 instances where a team has scored less than 25 points. House and Haydo have done it twice, while the rest of the league combined has done it 13 times. That’s not too unexpected, but listen to this. Of the 13 times a team has scored under 25 that hasn’t been Haydo and House, they’ve been Haydo and House’s opponent 40% of the time. Call it luck, having a guardian angel, or whatever you want. One thing is for certain, if you don’t score a lot of points in a week, it’s likely you played House and Haydo. Next week one of our more recent Belt holders, Ethan, gets a crack at them. Good luck scoring points Ethan! You’ll need it…

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Shoutout to Donny and Wardo! Undefeated in their last five, they’ve now opened up a 4 point gap to second place Julius. And with the next closest challenger after that 9 points behind, are we starting to see a repeat of last year? Of his next 5 fixtures, only one of them is above 7th place. The bandwagon is about to leave the station fellas, now is the last chance to get on it.

Shoutout to Levi and Luke! The two teams from that blockbuster deal both lost this week, bringing each of their records since the deal to 1-2. It’s a small sample size, but both managers will be hoping to turn that around quickly to point to club ownership that they got the better of this deal to secure their backing on future transfers.

Shoutout to Drizzy! He broke a 4 game losing streak with a dominant win over Chabo (Chabo). This win helped him leapfrog Lukey into 8th, and put 4 points between him and Chabo (Chabo) who is currently in the basement.

Remember, it’s a cup week! So in addition to setting lineups, make sure to let Levi know your captains!

The final group phase standings are in. Down to the wire it went, but only 8 can advance and so 2 must go home.

Julius (aka Salah) the MVP of the group phase but he was bested by Donnie (you guys seriously let him get Son for like two sheep for fuck’s sake).

Justin and I tied, but if we were operating in knockout tiebreaker rules Justin would’ve won since his vice captain went off thanks to clinically bipolar Spurs.

Dylan had clinched last spot before this weekend, but he finally got a win!! Riding that Chelsea high!

Lukey survived by the skin of his teeth—like really I feel very bad for Ethan; he’d have beaten 6 other people this week but happened to match up with the highest scorer (everyone saw that coming from United didn’t they Drake?) and as such THE MIDFIELDER goes out on goal difference.

“Bodes well for us, since he was a legit challenger” was said by a rival director of football. Ruthless business this is.

We’ll have the draw tonight, live on FT or zoom or something—commissioners will figure it out

As Chabo (Chabo) and Justin emerge victorious from their law school exams, it’s clear they’re ready to take on any case. Good thing too, because this week’s Fantasy Premier League recap reads like a courtroom thriller. Managers stand accused of crimes ranging from poor captaincy choices to outright waiver wire fraud. Everyone is a potential suspect, and the phrase innocent until proven guilty doesn’t apply to this judge. The evidence is piling up, a jury of fellow managers is ready to deliver its verdict, so settle into your seats ladies and gentlemen. It’s time for opening arguments…

After presenting irrefutable evidence in the form of 55 points, Drizzy is cleared of all charges. Turning to Red Devil and Associates as his defensive counsel was a stroke of genius. While they recently lost a named Partner, this past performance showed that may have been for the best. In addition to being proclaimed innocent, he judge has ruled that the prosecution must pay all his legal fees.

Lukey, after a shocking misuse of managerial power, has seen the bar revoke his fantasy manager’s license. Evidence of lineup tampering resulted in an abysmal 32 points. His arguments for Trossard’s inclusion were found to be baseless, and he left his star witness Gabriel on the bench. Appeals for reinstatement can be submitted after he breaks 40 points.

This week, the courtroom witnessed thrilling arguments from Weatherall and Houseman, the current Lineal Belt holders, who successfully led a defense to retain their title in a dramatic trial. Ethan, eager to reclaim the prestigious belt, presented his case with conviction, pointing to Weatherall and Houseman’s well known offensive struggles. However, Weatherall and Houseman’s strategic move to call Enes Unal as a last minute witness led the court to rule in their favor. The courtroom will reconvene next week as the Harvey Specter and Mike Ross of BMS FPL will stand to challenge Weatherall and Houseman for the Belt.

Some other headlines from this past week!

The mysterious appearance of Ait Noruri in Danny/wardo’s’ starting XI suggests a last-minute panic move. Lab results confirm traces of bias from TikTok, Instagram reels and Wolves fandom delusion.

Chaban’s team is officially missing points. Suspect last seen confidently starting Rashford.

Levi’s managerial decisions have resulted in a fantasy restraining order: he’s no longer allowed near the top half of the table.

Julius’ plea for a title charge was denied on the grounds of 'fantasy malpractice’, and ‘poor decisions under pressure’

As the court adjourns, there remains open cases and suspects at large. Stay tuned to see if they’ll be brought to justice next week!

Merry Christmas, happy Hanukah, and wishing a festive season to all. This recap will be short, as I’ve used up all my creative thinking in small talk with my grandparents. I love them to death, but I have run out of way to let them know that (1) Alice is going great, (2) work is super interesting, (3) my new apartment hasn’t burned down yet and (4) I am not considering graduate school at this time. So, without any more delay, here we go!

Top scorer of the week was Ethan! After scoring 36 points for three weeks in a row, he decided that wasn’t his favorite number anymore, and went with 56 instead. Merry Xmas Ethan, your gift is $5!

Bottom scorer of the week was Lukey! You’ve been a naughty boy this year. Only coal in the stocking for you!

The Lineal Belt this week was gifted in a Yankee Swap by House and Haydo. Before they had the chance to pick their own gift, Donny swiped it away! And he left the party so it couldn’t be stolen back. This is ominous for the league, as the team on a 7 game unbeaten streak now holds the belt. The first man to try and take it away will be this week’s highest scorer, Ethan.

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Shoutout to Chabo! He has climbed out of the bottom, and now sits in 9th thanks to superior point differential over Lukey.

Shoutout to drizzy! He’s on a 3 game heater, and has brought himself from the depths of the standings to within 3 points of the top half of the table!

Shoutout to Justin! He officially passed Levi in points for this season, and now is a true member of the top 3.

The next week will contain multiple gameweeks. They will be quick, and you all need to be attentive! Don’t forget to hit the waivers and set your lineups!

Fellas! It’s been a minute. I am half surprised that nobody reported me missing after I didn’t get a recap out last week! But I am back with a vengeance. And we have 2 weeks worth of recap to get into. So buckle up those seatbelts and get ready!

Starting off with the usuals!

Top scorers were Justin & Donny, and House/Haydo! Surprised to see three teams in this headline? Well it turns out Donny and Justin tied for highest scorer in GW 19 with 65 points. House and Haydo came in strong this past week with a 60 point performance. To the victors go the spoils! But whose spoils are they taking??

Bottom scorers were Luke & Dylan, and Ethan. Surprised to see three teams in this headline? Well it turns out Luke and Dylan tied for lowest scorer in GW 19 with 65 points. Ethan came in strong this past week with a 25 point performance. This makes transfer of cash pretty easy huh? Justin <-> Luke, Donny <-> Dylan, House/Haydo <-> Ethan.

The Lineal Belt has stayed safely around Donny/Wardo’s belt since we last checked in on it. Rumor has it it’s never coming off. First Drake, then Lukey, but neither challenger caused much trouble to the defending champs. Next week they have a chance to tie the longest streak with the belt this season at 5, which is held by themselves! Only Julius stands in the way. Come on Forest!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout Julius! It was just 6 weeks ago that he looked to be the only true challenger to the leaders. But in those 6 weeks he has struggled mightily, gaining only 3 points. He’s even slipped down into a tie for 3rd! But what an opportunity he has before him, as he can start the second half of the season with some serious momentum by shocking the world and taking the Belt from those who must not be named.

Shoutout Ethan! The week he decided to start Hall he gets a big fat nothing. Just goes to show you that what we do in FPL does have an impact! In fact, if you want a team in to lose in real life, just pick up all their players in FPL!

Shoutout to Justin! In game week 19 he had 4 (!) separate payers score double digits. My stats intern says this is the first time this has happened in league history. Pretty cool!

Shoutout to Dylan! He has been surpassed by house/haydo and is now officially the lowest scoring team!

Shoutout to Luke! He currently sits dead last in the table. The underlying stats have show he’s been hard done by this season, as he is actually the 7th highest scorer.

I am finally getting a recap in before the waivers deadline, so make sure to check that out! Lots of good options this week, and lots of teams out there need some holes filled. As always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas! I want everyone to pat themselves on the back for the incredible round of waivers we had. 8 different managers made 22 moves! That gives me the warm fuzzies (or maybe that’s from the cookie Liam Houlgate made for me)! The league is only as good as its managers, and yall rock.

Now, stop blushing. And let’s get right into it! Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer of the week was haydo and house! Making up for lost time and scoring at a rediculous pace right now. Over the past 3 weeks they’re averaging just under 70 points, including a season high 81 this past week. The noise around their “fluke” success due to their low point total is subsiding, as they passed drake with this performance to jump up to 7th most. Be wary of this team right now, they’re certified hot.

Bottom scorer of the week was Levi! He’s the first manager this year to accomplish back to back wins. He’ll look to make it three straight this upcoming week when he takes on, the team mentioned right above him in this recap.

The Lineal Belt this week CHANGED HANDS AGAIN as Drake said “gimmie that young blood” and Julius had no choice but to comply. Drizz looks to defend his belt this week against Lukey, who is desperate to keep building momentum after leapfrogging Chaban in their battle at the bottom of the table.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Drizz! He’s jumped into the top half of the table for the first time in a while off the back of his Lineal Belt victory. He’s been steadily building for the past few weeks, and he has a 3 game win streak to show for it.

Shoutout to wardo! He successfully brokered a trade with Chaban this past week to bolster his squad for the upcoming crucial run of fixtures. Love you buddy :)

Shoutout to Justin! The next 3 weeks he plays Donny. First in the league, then back to back in the cup. This is how rivalries are born, 1 vs 2 in meaningful blockbuster fingers. Keep an eye on these ones, as they’re sure to deliver.

These next three weeks will be some of the most important of the season. Huge matchups across the league, and then the next two are legs 1 and 2 of the cup quarterfinals. If there was ever a time to tune in and manage your team to the maximum, it’s now! So, as always, don’t forget to set your lineup!

It’s that time of the year. After our winter holiday hiatus, we are entering the knockout phase of the coveted cup. The BMS does FPL Cup has a long and storied history. Nearly a year old and with one winner, it is a tradition that means so much to me because I created it, and Lukey because he won it. But this is the year that it takes on new life. Donnie is going for it. Justin is going for it. House/Haydo are going for it. Alexander Jeremetrius Chaban once told me, “no I want the cup” when I inquired about DCL’s availability. Dominic Calvert-Lewin. Dominic fucking Calvert-Lewin was too untouchable because of the cup. That’s what this means people. It’s THAT important. To all of us (except Ethan and Dylan), but really for everyone around the world.

We live in a world where democracy is falling left right and centre; fascism is on the rise, the economy is about to implode, the racists and misogynists are taking over, the rich keep getting richer and the rest of us have to fight harder and harder just to get by. But there is one thing that unites us. There is one language we all understand. Football. Football is love, football is life. And this weekend, we breath that life into the Cup as we enter the first leg of the quarterfinals.

Who will have their name etched in history alongside Lukey. Will it be me? Probably not my team sucks…Will it be Chabo Chabo? Also probably not but hey he’s matched up against me so he’s probably into the semis and it’s anyone’s game from there. Will it be Justin or Donnie? Probably, yeah…but can’t be both since they’re facing each other. Julius? Luke? Haydo/House? Drake? Could be anyone (again, except Dylan and Ethan).

Donnie v. Justin.
Julius v. Luke.
Drake v. House/Haydo
Levi v. Chabo

The stage is set. The floodlights are on. The Cup is back.

Fellas! It’s been a while since the last recap, and this one will be short and sweet to ensure we stay on track. This is from GW 23

Top scorer: Mr. M! He achieves the rare feat of last to first in back to back weeks with this award.

Bottom scorer: split decision between Julius and house/haydo. Two teams in the top half who just had off weeks. It happens. Lucky for yall, you get to split the $5 payout

Lineal belt: Lukey is your new champ! Defeating Drake to claim the prize, he currently is in a battle with Ethan to defend it.

Some other shoutouts around the league!

Shoutout to Donny/wardo! Defeating second place Justin puts them 15(!) points clear. They beat back challenger after challenger. Will anyone be able to compete with them down the stretch?

Obviously all eyes are on the cup matchups currently ongoing. Remember that second week of the cup is next GW! So make sure you get those waiver requests in, as they process Thursday afternoon!

Wow. Just wow. I love football. I love this game. The final Merseyside Derby at Goodison did not disappoint. How can you not be fired up after that? And the Cup? What a week in the Cup!

Starting with an absolutely neck and neck tie between Chabo Chabo and yours truly. Despite Chabo's autodrafting and my completely selling all my solid players, we both find ourselves in the quarters with a very real (albeit outside) shot at the Cup. Led by Elanga and Lacroix, Chaban wound up with 53. Led by Beto and pretty much only Beto, I ended up with 51. We all saw Beto's dominance coming, I was silly to captain Palmer over him and I shan't make that mistake again. Despite having 3 zeros in my lineup, I'm still in with a shout. Despite being probably the worst fantasy and monopoly player since Owen, Chaban is in the lead. All to play for in the second leg as a two-point differential is hardly much to hold onto.

Next, our duds. After starting the season more blisteringly than an athlete's foot, Julius has mailed it in harder than I mailed it in during the offseason lifts and speed training. He's having to watch his former players be glorious while he puts up a measly 30 pts. He thought about captaining Pickford but did not...the disrespect to the GOAT shithouser did not go unpunished. Lukey was able to put up a somewhat respectable, given his situation, haul of 46. Led by Kai (RIP) Havertz, Lukey puts himself in the firm but not uncatchable lead over Jules. Eager to see who they claim on the waivers.

Drake's team is much like United's. They suck. No poetic, Drury-esq words needed. When you rely on United players, you dig your own grave. 42 pts is pretty rubbish, and when Munoz is your best performer you know you didn't have a good week. House/Haydo continue to show their natural instinct for fantasy. Only they would trust Wood the way they have this season, so only they get to reap the rewards he brings. When Scott said to make sure you get some good wood on it, those words stuck with these two and they are hard as fucking rocks right now with their Wood. 87 pts. 87! Legends these two. Drake is all but finished. It will take a corner taken quickly, Origi comeback to advance...

And last but most certainly not least, Donnie and Justin. These two goliaths of the game, titans of trades, behemoths of bossing fantasy. The matchup we were all looking forward to did not disappoint. Justin went balls to the wall trading for Salah, and his golden man had 29 points. A couple more and he would've beaten Julius all on his own. And Julius traded Salah!!! Justin's 109 pts rivals the legendary Lukey performance in the Cup last year. Donnie knows that all too well. It takes perfection to beat him. Luke last year in the Cup. Levi two years ago in the league. Donnie is the best of us. He plays the beautiful game, dominates domestically. But the magic of the Cup eludes him. Like Pep at City in the early years, he tinkers and tinkers...but Justin just sits there with an eyebrow raised like Don Carlo and watches his golden players win for him. Donnie's 90 pts is a near record. His 83 pts without a captain is a record for the league this season. He had an involvement from 10/11 of his starters!! It wasn't enough against Justinho though. Led by Salah (who on his own scored 58 of Justin's 109--enough to be the 3rd-highest scoring team this week), Justin's squad was just too much. But Donnie is Real. He is never out. You can bet he's making moves, gearing up for what will most certainly be an absolutely electric second leg. I personally cannot fucking wait.

Make your trades, claim your waivers, pray to your gods because the final leg of the quarterfinals is upon us and as Fabrizio Romano would say...HERE WE GO!

The Cup. In all it's majesty. Those European weeknights, deciding the fate of so many. The BMS does FPL Cup has it all. I unironically was more eager to check the Villa-Liverpool score whilst the Champions League was still going...not because the UCL didn't have drama (it did, sorry E and suck it Juve), and not because Arsenal might be in a title race...but because of FANTASY. God I love what we do. Donnie and I have the best job. With all that ado out of the way, let's get into the quarterfinal recap!

House/Haydo are through. No team in the league has been in more riveting form than this dynamic duo. Led by...yeah still Chris Wood...they have been surging up the table and were able to take care of quarterfinal challenger Drake. Establishing a massive 45-pt gap after the first leg thanks to the New Zealish Ronaldo, House/Haydo held off a valiant comeback effort by Drizzy. Drake remained alive until the very end thanks to Luis Diaz, but sadly they both came up short. Special props to House/Haydo, who time and again refused to budge on their belief their team would come good. Here they are, coming good. Coming so good. All over us. 3rd in the league, into the semis of the cup...

Next, the most boring of the matchups, Lukey against Julius. Lukey won with a solid 46-32 lead in the first leg, and again in leg 2 62-49. One that strangely never felt in doubt, Lukey advances of Julius. Julius, once near the top of the table, continues a downward slide as he scored the lowest of all the quarterfinalists. Lukey, despite being 2nd bottom in the league, finds himself into the cup semis based on good lineup management, smart waiver acquisitions, and some good old luck.

Yours truly also advanced. A neck-and-neck first leg that saw Chabo hop out to a 53-51 lead was overturned by the smartest, savviest, sexiest, best at women's football, commissioner supreme...me! After a tight close first leg, I obliterated El Pokémon in the 2nd. Granted, I actually didn't score that many points but Chabo Chabo scored a measly 30 points. I'd give it all away for an Arsenal trophy but seeing as that's not happening I will focus on my fantasy world. I must simply remember it could always be worse...I could be a Tottenham fan that just lost in a fantasy world!

Last, but most certainly not least. The two juggernauts did not disappoint. You are looking at two of the greats. Here I am thinking Donnie and I have a rivalry for the ages but in truth, Justinho Miller has pushed Donnie the most this year. Some late, all-in moves sees Justin without his first three picks after the keeper rounds but he's 2nd in the league and into the semis as the clear-cut favourite. Look away now Donnie because this is going to be tough to take; Donnie (and Wardo) scored the 2nd most points in leg 1, and the 2nd most points in leg 2. They would've beaten every single other opponent in the quarters...however, they faced Justin. Marvelous Miller mosies into the semis on the back of two stellar performances. 195 points over two legs is a record. A truly remarkable performance from a truly remarkable man.

Next up, the semifinals. Thank you to those that joined for the draw--the fixtures are set. Lukey will take on House/Haydo, in a matchup that infuriates me. Justin will take on me, in a matchup that also infuriates me.

With the cup taking center stage the past 2 weeks, y’all may have forgotten that it is merely a sideshow to the true competition, the league! As on objective and unbiased person, the league is way better than the cup anyways…! We’ve got 2 weeks to recap, since there was no stealing the cup’s thunder, so let’s get right into it!

Top scorers were Donny/Wardo and Justin! No surprise to see the teams sitting in first and second winning this award. After all, to be at the top of the table, you gotta score points. Special shoutout to Donny for his season high 83 in GW 24. But also a special to Justin, as over the past two weeks he actually outscored Donny by a singular point. Two worthwhile winners!

Bottom scorers were Ethan and Chaban! Sitting in 8th and 10th respectively, these winners aren’t too surprising either, because to be near the bottom of the table, you need to not score points. Special shoutout to Chabo who this past week ended up with 3 injured Spurs players open his bench. Now THAT is being a true fan!

The Lineal Belt has shifted hands since the last recap all the way to Justin. But how did it get there?? First there was the battle between Ethan and Lukey. But if you’ve been paying attention, you know that Ethan literally couldn’t have beaten anyone that week, so Lukey retained the belt! Then in one of the best matchups of the year, and the only one where both teams scored 60+ points, Justin snatched the Lineal Belt right from Lukey’s waist. Next week he is a major Vegas favorite to defend it, as last place Chabo Chabo comes to town.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to House/Haydo and Justin! After both losing in GW 23, the rebounded with back to back wins to keep some semblance of pressure on Donny/Wardo at the top of the league. The gap sits at 15 to Justin, and 16 to House/Haydo. With only 13 gameweeks left, time is running out. House and Haydo have a massive opportunity to cut into that gap, as they face the league leaders in this upcoming week.

Shoutout to league parity! Okay yes, I just got done talking about the gap at the top. But the rest of the league is tighter than a freshman’s butt near Levi. Only 6 points separate 10th to 5th. Any of those teams could win this week and jump 2 spots. Any of those teams could lose this week and drop 2 spots. This league!

Shoutout to Donny/Wardo! With their current gap and point differential lead, their magic number is 85. That means they need 8 more wins to clinch. With only 1 loss since game week 10, it feels more like when than if.

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One quick note that everyone should be aware of! The trade deadline is officially before GW31. Once GW31 starts, no more trades are allowed until after the league season is over. If you’re curious why that date was picked, it’s because it coincides with the first leg of the cup semifinals.
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Another quick turnaround this week, as waivers have already happened. But there is still plenty of time for free agency! Don’t forget to set those lineups!

FPL recap coming to you live from a new location - London England! This recapper has decided he needs to be right next to the action to appropriately see, hear and record the going ons of the league that makes our make believe teams go. You’ll be getting constant updates this week, but first, let’s look at the last week’s results!

Starting with the usuals!

Top scorer was J-Miller box! Like a crisp preseason passing session, Justin’s team was working like a well oiled machine. He shrinks the gap to first for the first time in months, and maybe the title race is back on??

Bottom scorer of the week was Chabo! Like a Pokémon getting a knockout punch, Chabo Chabo retreated to his Pokeball after this past week. The only team under 35 points, and he posted 24.

The lineal belt was retained again by our top scorer this week, Justin! One of the few managers to do the weekly double, his reward is a crisp $10 Venmo. Dylan put up a good fight, but right now, no one can stop him. Next manager on the train tracks is house and haydo. A big matchup of 2nd and 3rd, this is the one to watch this week.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! He’s going to the cup, officially! Using his treasure trove of draft picks, he’s made moves for superstars to put his team in the best position to win. This is an all-in move, and anything short of a trophy will be a disappointment. Keep an eye on this team, as while he’s building it for the cup in mind, it could do some damage in the league too.

Shoutout to wardo/donny! Trading away some key players may be a bit arrogant with so many gameweeks left. They’ll have to hit the waivers hard to sure up their team, and ensure that seemingly inevitable league title actually comes home.

Shoutout to Lukey! He was the second lowest scorer this past week. But came away with a W because he played Dylan! Sometimes luck is all you need.

Waivers have passed, and the gameweek starts soon, but make sure you’re setting those lineups!

As time wanes on, and the season comes to a close, behind the league scene there has been some truly epic Cup drama. The semifinals of the BMS does FPL Cup took place.

Justin and I faced off; as basically all of you know I was willing to do horrible things—I mean truly degrade myself, for some players and a chance to beat him. I gave myself that chance. However, the Football Gods saw fit to reward Justin in each leg. I can’t complain, he has been truly remarkable at putting together a team all season; while his title race looks likely over, his Cup run is far from it. Beating me by 11 and then 8 pts, it can be hard to debate he deserved it. Does it mean I won’t cry myself to sleep wishing I had captained Mbeumo instead of Starboy? No. Football is a cruel but beautiful game, but I tip my hat to him and wish him luck in the final.

The other semifinal, contested between Lukey and House/Haydo was epic beyond proportions. In the first leg, the H’s jumped out to an 8-pt lead, led by Mateta/Eze/Ndiaye. Luke had strong performances from Iwobi, Trossard, and Barnes. In the second leg, Luke set it alight—Trossard hit an astounding 24 pts for him and led him to 76 pts…but he captained Marmoush and he only got an extra 4. 80 pts would’ve been enough to beat Justin or myself in this competition…and it was enough to beat House/Haydo. They went into the Arsenal-Palace match needing a miracle, and when Trossard scored it looked like they were dead and buried. But then….his Crystal Palace boys—making all the noise—everywhere they goooooooo!!!! Eze banged one in, and Lukey was only a little nervous…Then Mateta came on, captained by the H’s…and scored a massive goal. Out of nowhere, House/Haydo were right back in it! The live scores had Lukey just barely edging them; but bonus points…good old bonus pts. Eze and Mateta came up trumps and secured a narrow win for House/Haydo! Advancing by a measly two points, they make it to the final!

Justin and House/Haydo will meet in the Cup final soon (either matchweek 36 or 37, depending on who bribes me more). That means there will be a new champion at the end of the year, a new player to put a star on their badge (asterisk next to their name). Tune in for what will hopefully be an epic conclusion to an epic fantasy season!

In all the excitement and my suicide attempts during this UCL week, it’s been lost that there is another big cup final looming. No, not the El Crapico between Spurs and United, but rather the BMS Cup. The fabled trophy will have a new home next season, as first-time contestants Justin and House/Haydo will compete for the honour of best cup team.

Once there was 8, then 7 cause Owen sucked, then 8 cause I missed you guys. Now 10, and those two additional teams…they’re in the cup final. Nothing makes a commissioner more proud than seeing newly formed teams produce the goods. They earned their way here and this weekend, one of them will be immortalised.

You can take my pride, my manhood, my hope that Arsenal will win; but you’ll never take that asterisk I’ve got next to my fantasy name because I earned it. Soon, another star will be earned. Justin may be a Liverpool fan but he’ll be cheering on his Villains just as hard this weekend. House may be a Cherry but if there’s a cherry on top of his season it’ll be provided by Palace or Forest. Hayden is just a good Cityzen who we all love and appreciate (I’m rooting for him).

Will the stars align for Justin or House/Haydo? Tune in this weekend to find out.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Pokemon, we have a CHAMPION!!!!

Weighing in at 31 lbs and 4 ounces, but with big heavy Donnie-esq balls, Justin Abraham Miller is our new, heavyweight champion of the BMS does FPL Cup!!

House/Haydo put up a valiant fight. They scored the second most points, behind…you guessed it…Justin. With 47 pts before captains they were well behind Justin’s tally of 58. However, after captaining Wood they finished just 5 pts shy. Final score 60-55 in favour of the injury-prone right back who now plays Sunday league like peak Man United Ronaldo chopping in from the left wing.

Will House/Haydo lose sleep wishing they captained Eze instead? Yes. They will. Will they be back next year competing? Yes they will. “When you get knocked down, you’ve gotta get some wood on it and come back up super hard.” - Scott Wiercinski probably.

Justin now gets to add a star to his name. He joins the fabled Levi, Donnie, and Luke as the glorious winners of the past. He is still well in for the title as well; the League and Cup double is ON if he can catch Donnie. It’s a race to the finish line that I’ll let Donnie explain. For now, let us all applaud Justin on an incredible debut season in which he has taken the league by storm.

Fellas! Just like a captain on your regular commercial flight, you heard from me a lot at the beginning, not at all in the middle, and I’m now coming back on the air right at the end. Landing is in sight, as we’re less than 12 hours from the start of SUPER SUNDAY. Last we checked, Donny/wardo had run away with it, so nothing to tune in for this weekend, right? Well, uh, ya boy has choked on Justin’s massive dong (literally never thought those words would be uttered in that order in all of humanity) and it is now TIED at the top of the table! And Justin has the serious goal difference advantage. Justin only has to equal Donny’s result, and like Slot, he’ll be a rookie champ (and a double at that with the cup!). Levi stands in his path, and Lukey stands (or more like squats) infront of Donny. Pay close attention, because it’s all to play for.

At the bottom of the table, Dylan and Chaban are locked into a fierce battle for last place. Chaban is looking to avoid back-to-back 10th places, and Dylan is probably just looking to beat Forrest tomorrow, but fantasy matters too! In 10 years no one will remember that Chelsea made the champions league some random year, but we’ll all remember who came in last place in FPL. Dylan has to win and Chaban has to lose for Dylan to climb out on the final day. What is the key to their success tomorrow? Probably setting their lineups and playing the least amount of spurs players possible…

Across the midtable, only House/Haydo are locked into their final position of third. Everyone else could jump or drop on the final day. So SET THOSE LINEUPS (except you luke!)

Starting at 10am tomorrow, sit your butt on the couch, turn on peacock, and make sure your phone has plenty of battery and good wifi. Because constant refreshing or scores and texts in the groupchat are a must. ITS FUCKING SUPER SUNDAY. Good luck to all…!

Fellas. The final whistle has blown, the spreadsheet has stopped moving, and somewhere in America Justin is staring at a 37-point score like it personally betrayed his family. After 38 gameweeks, endless trade messages, enough waiver claims to crash a government website, and one of the dumbest title races this league has ever produced, the 2024-25 season is officially over.

So let's get into the usuals one last time!

Top scorer of the week was Chabo! Yes, you read that correctly. With everything on the line at the bottom of the table, Chabo pulled out a 62-point nuke and beat Dylan by 41. This was not just a win. This was a relegation-zone exorcism. This was Chabo looking at back-to-back last place finishes, putting on a hard hat, and saying, "not today, Satan, not today." He needed a performance, he got the best one in the league, and he sent Dylan directly into the basement while doing it. Poetry, honestly.

Bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! Brutal, brutal timing. A 21-pointer in GW38 is not just bad, it is cinematic tragedy. This was the week where all he needed was a little magic to escape last place, and instead the team showed up like they had already packed for summer vacation. Chabo dropped 62 on him, Dylan scored 21, and the battle for last place ended less like a cage fight and more like someone turning off the lights mid-sentence. Chabo requests $5 from Dylan, and I think Dylan should have to send it with the caption "I understand what happened here."

Now for the title. Donny beat Lukey 40-29, and with Justin losing to Levi, that means Donny is your 2024-25 league champion. Back-to-back stars. The evil empire lives. There was a moment, a beautiful fleeting moment, where Justin had tied the top of the table and had the points advantage. The double was sitting there. The rookie season from hell was about to become a rookie season from heaven. But then Super Sunday happened, Justin put up 37, Levi beat him by 2, and Donny did what Donny apparently always does: win the league and make the rest of us consider whether this whole thing is rigged.

Justin still finishes second, and let's not pretend that is anything other than outrageous. He joins the league, wins the cup, nearly wins the league, and spends the final month threatening to pull off the double like this is all very easy. It is not easy. I know because most of you are bad at it. But the final step was one too far, and Donny gets to sit on the throne for another summer. Horrible news for democracy. Great news for the bit.

The lineal belt also changed hands on the final day. Justin entered the week holding it, Levi challenged him, and Levi won 39-37. So Levi ends the season as lineal belt holder, which is objectively funny because he spent large chunks of the season as the league's most chaotic transfer merchant and still walked away with a belt. Justin loses the title race and the belt in the same matchup. That is a double loss with seasoning. Levi gets $5, gets the belt, and gets to spend the offseason telling people he finished fourth but actually ended as champion of vibes.

Some other shoutouts across the league! Shoutout to Ethan, who quietly put up 43 and beat Drake 43-30. Not exactly the headline match, but a clean final-day win and the second-best score of the week deserves a little ripple. Shoutout to Julius, who beat House 34-24 and finished sixth, which feels deeply Julius: somehow both chaotic and respectable. Shoutout to Lukey, who lost to Donny but still finished fifth after spending a large portion of the year refusing to be normal in either direction. And shoutout to House, who finishes third despite a 24-point final week, because apparently the table had already decided he had suffered enough.

Final table time. Donny first. Justin second. House third. Levi fourth. Lukey fifth. Julius sixth. Drake seventh. Ethan eighth. Chabo ninth. Dylan tenth. Some of those feel right, some of those feel cursed, and some of those will be used in trade negotiations for the next eight months.

And that's the season. Donny is champion. Justin is cup winner and almost double winner. Levi has the belt. Chabo survived. Dylan gets the wooden spoon. The rest of us are left to stare at our squads, convince ourselves we were unlucky, and start planning the exact same mistakes for next year. It's been beautiful, stupid, stressful, and deeply important in a way no make-believe soccer competition should be. Enjoy the summer, enjoy the prem break, and for the love of all that is holy, start scouting now. The next season will come faster than you think.

Fellas fellas, game week 1 is in the books!

No real nail biters this week, as the closest matchup was decided by 7 points, while Drizz really took it to owen and thumped him by over 20.

Highest score of the week goes to Lukey! Varane with a goal, clean sheet and 2 bonus points on a Monday afternoon was enough to snake the honor away from Drake.

Lowest scorer of the week is ….. Owen! Only 2 goal involvements from his entire squad combined, and only 1 clean sheet. It’s only week 1, but worry signs for sausage fingers FC.

Quick shoutout to myself for beating Julius, even with a haaland brace. Also a shoutout to Julius for starting Lloris this past week. Too bad he’s drunk!

A few reminders:

1. Highest scorer is responsible for Venmo requesting the lowest scorer each week.

2. The waiver wire deadline is always 1 day before lineups lock. This week it is Thursday at 1:15pm EST. You can submit as many claims for players as you would like, then at that time the claims are processed by waiver order, which is reverse standings.

Don’t forget to check and set those lineups for this next week!

And just like that, week 2 is in the books! Now let’s right into what everyone wants to know… who’s taking home some money!!!

This weeks LOSER is the auto drafter himself, Julius! Coming in at only 21 points, Julius had a week to forget. It seems when Haaland isn’t scoring hattricks, the team may be vulnerable. But say what you will, I’m never counting a Haaland team out of the season long race.

This weeks high scorer is Lukey, again! Barely edging out myself, luke’s team is proving to be solid all around. Getting contributions from unlikely stars such as Wissa and Solanke has propelled him into a 2-0 start with the most points in the league.

A couple of shoutouts, in addition to the ones above.

Shoutout chabo! He scored the second lowest points this week, but he played Julius, so came out with a dub! Fabulous fantasy defense by chabo.

Shoutout Owen! His two goalies combined for 19 points this week. Woah, that’s a lot.

Shoutout julius (again)! His two goalies combined for 0 points this week. Yeeeesh.

Don’t forget about waivers this week, with the transfer window still open some big new signings will be hitting the wire.

And make sure to keep setting those lineups!

A day or two later this week, but here is your weekly recap!

To the high scorer go the spoils, and this week the winner of $5 is Jack Selig! His team scored a pretty incredible 60 points this week, almost more than the first 2 week combined (64 points). And to think, if kyle Walker wasn’t trying backheels in his own box, selig could have easily had over 70.

And whose money did he take this past week??? That would be Owen! Making his second appearance as low scorer, Owen’s squad is in some trouble. A measly 20 points this week, and he now sits as the only 0-3 team in the league. Let’s see if he’ll make any changes to his squad, as one of his players has been in the Saudi league for quite some time now…

Other interesting things from around the league:

Lukey is now the only undefeated team left at 3-0. Oddly enough he only has 3 of the top 20 FPL scorers, but it’s been general consistency from everyone that’s helped him get to this stage.

Julius barely escapes a 0-3 start. Will he stick with the composition of his squad? Or maybe see if he can rework his whole team by offloading haaland? We shall see what he has in mind.

With the PL transfer window closing this week, new players may be up for grabs. Don’t forget to check waivers and set those lineups!

“It's a marathon, not a sprint, but I still gotta win the race, yeah”
— (not our) Drake

Week 4 has officially come and gone! We’re now just over 10% of the way through the season, and some with august. Only 34 more game weeks, and 9 more months. So buckle up! We’re only just starting out.

Low scorer of the week goes to our precious high scorer, Jack selig! Quite the reversal of fortunes, Selig’s team scored less than half of the points he scored 2 weeks ago. Must have been a shitty week of training. Back to Jmiller boxes and box defending for his squad.

And who will he be paying??? Me! Even though I made terrible fantasy decisions this week, leaving a 17 point scorer on the bench, my squad was the only one over 50 points. Selig I want to be paid in check please.

Some other shoutouts this week:

Owen gets his first win of the year, congrats! But you do know mitro’s goals in the Saudi league don’t count for FPL right??

Lukey is handed his first loss of the year. No more undefeated teams left.

The parity across the league looks good! Two teams on 3 wins, four teams on 2 wins, and two teams on 1 win. Nobody undefeated, nobody without a win. And check out the attached graphic:

Anyone can beat anyone! And so soon into the season too! How exciting!

International break for fantasy has just kicked off, so no lineups to set. But plenty of planning to be done!

Another week down! Pretty low scoring all around, but someone still got the most, and someone still got the least. Let’s get into it!

Top scorer of the week was The Big Bad Wolves. Blowing down this little Owen’s straw house to the tune of 47 points. Each of the squads defenders had a clean sheet, and three of them combined for 26. Early potential fantasy MVP, the king JWP, chilling in as well.

The loser of $5 this week is … Lukey?? A team on fire finally cooled off. His shockingly consistent team finally struggled to score, assist, defend, make saves, well basically everting wasn’t happening this week. I believe he is our first manager to have won and lost $5 this year. So far!

Some other fun shoutouts this week:

Dyl lost out on the top scorers spot by just 1 point. Close! But no cigar.

Owen beat out lukey by 1 point to escape another bottom finish. Mitrovich laughing as he continues to collect paychecks from Owen’s bench.

The table is looking tight! It’s a long season, but good signs early for a competitive run all the way to the line.

Don’t forget to keep setting those lineups!

Friends and foes alike, gameweek 6 has come and gone, so let’s recap and overreact to this past weeks results.

There were points to be had this week, and the final scores reflect that. Every team but 1 (who will be named later in this recap) scored over 45 points, which is a solid haul. Some really close matchups too, with 2 of them being decided by less than 3 points.

But of course, it’s now time to answer everyone’s favorite question: “who wins $5 this week?!”.

That lucky man is Chabospurs, AKA ChaboChaboChabo, AKA Harvey specter. This is his first week as top scorer and his team put on a good showing. With ⭐️Boy Saka leading the lines it was clean sheets and goals aplenty.

And that $5 will be coming from the pockets of our good friend Dyl. He got hit with the triple whammie this week, FPL loss, lowest score, Chelsea debacle. Dyl, I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel. Somewhere. Eventually. I think.

A few other shoutouts this week:

The only 2 people to have a wolves player in their teams, chabo and I, won this week. Coincidence??? I think not! And don’t tell me some saying about causation and correlation, because I don’t wanna hear it.

Drake with a real bad beat this week. He lost by 2 points. Rodri got a red card resulting in a 3 deduction from his score. Also, Harvey Barnes started the Newcastle game but came off injured after 10 minutes. And we all know that anyone who was on that field against Sheffield was guaranteed least 1 goal involvement.

Julius has scored the least amount of points so far this season, yet sits alone on 12 points, good enough for 2nd place right now. He has played against the team that has scored the least amount of points 4 weeks in a row. The fifth week back he played against the team scoring the 2nd least amount of points, but he scored the least. Great fantasy defense, hats off to ya.

Big waiver wire coming up, and don’t forget to set those lineups!

GW7 was a fun one, with exciting results in the prem and interesting results in FPL. Let’s get into it!

We start off with our low scorer of the week, Jules! We joked about it previously, but his team really is all Haaland. But all you need is Haaland and you can win almost every week. Except when you play the powerhouse known as wolves. No Norwegians allowed in Wolverhampton.

The high scorer of the week is the recap writer himself, Donny! The Donny difference showed up this week to the tune of 23 points from Ollie Watkins, and 10 from Carlton Morris. Now two wins clear at the top of the league table, my squad is hot and showing no signs of slowing down.

Some other fun shoutouts across the league:

Tsk tsk to @jules, @owen and and @jack. Y’all still have players who are either injured for the season, playing in Saudi, or iced out the team. Whatever tho, free wins for the rest of us I guess. Or if you need tutorials on how to use the free agent pool just ask this supportive group of guys!

Lukey has hit a rough patch in form. After starting hot with 3 wins, four losses have followed. Maybe try getting the pre game sandwiches from Amatos, I’ve heard they pump a squad up.

Chabo and I combined to score 110 points in our matchup this week, the most in any so far this season.

Some huge matchups coming up this week! Don’t forget to check your teams and set up lineups!

Managers of pretend soccer teams, gather round! It’s that time of week to very publicly praise the successes of this past week’s victors, and to shame those that just quite didn’t have it this time around. Let’s get right into it, it’s recap time!

Starting off with the manager of the week, our top scorer, Dyl! His two top dawgs of Sarah and Isak came through with a brace each, and his team scored a personal best 53 points this week. Chelsea won this past weekend too!?!? Make sure to bottle this feeling up! It doesn’t get too much better than that…

Now for the weekly walk of atonement, this time it will be Owen! I feel like a broken record at this point, but guess who is still in his starting lineup?? That’s right - the third leading scorer in the Saudi league - Mitrovic. If you wanna play fantasy Saudi league that’s fine, but you might want to make sure everyone else is too…

Now for some other shoutouts from around the league!

First and foremost shoutout to Selig! His senior day was this past Saturday, and he helped lead the boys to a come from behind dub against Trinity. What even is a bantam??? Congrats beast, we’re all excited to keep following along this year. Get that home playoff game, and we’ll get a squad up to support you and the boys!

Shoutout to Julius, who officially has stopped competing with Owen in Saudi fantasy, and now only has current Prem players rostered. And he’s got that Korean dude! Good to see you don’t underestimate him like that bald Spanish guy did.

Drake, I don’t know if your team name was just a funny pun or a prediction. But you eerily nailed it.

Chaban with the bad beat of the week as he loses by only 2 points. The back breaker being that Sterling collected 2 FPL only assists by drawing a pen and forcing an OG. Tough.

International break coming up, so make sure to take the time to work with your players that didn’t get called up. And remember, the transfer window in FPL never closes! There are lots of options to improve your team, and some great players available.

Keep making sure to set those lineups!

And we’re back with another recap from this past week of matchups! We are almost 25% if the way through the season. Let’s get right into it!

This weeks top scorer, and a seemingly unstoppable force, is The Big Bad Wolves! Across the squad it was an incredibly high scoring week. 6 goal involvements, 2 clean sheets and 6 bonus points - those are elite numbers. A very deserved $5 this week.

For the first time ever, we have 2 people tied for the weekly low score! Owen and Sack Jelig both came in with a total of 31 points. I went back and forth on how to deal with this: make them both pay $5, or make them split the payment? The gold thing is we’re a democracy! Heart this message if they should each pay $5, and like it if they should split the payment!

Now let’s do a quick check in on each team’s first quarter of the season, and give them a grade.

The big bad wolves - 24 points - A+
Sitting at 8-1, 6 points clear at the top and by far the highest scorer, this squad looks destined to take the crown. Can anyone stop this freight train if a team??

Sancho been gone - 18 points - B+
Drake managed to draft two of the best FPL players so far this early season in Trippier and Alvarez, and they have led him to a 6-3 start, sitting alone in second. While maybe a tier below the league leader, he looks the most poised to try and bridge the gap.

Werld 11 - 15 points - B-
Another solid drafter, dyl has put together a team anchored by the FPL mvp so far, Salah. A team that goes hot and cold, nobody wants to play them on their day. Can they stay consistent enough to push towards the top of the table?

gycoftl - 15 points - C+
First pick of the draft - auto drafted haaland. As we’ve mentioned many times, that itself should be enough to fight for a championship. The manager has shown improvements recently as the players on his team now play in the Prem. He has done more with less, having scored less points than the 3 teams below him. We’ll see if he can continue that trend, or if his scoring issues will sink his team.

Onana what’s my name - 12 points - C+
Lukey started off the season with 3 straight wins. But since then has gone 1-5 in the past 6 games. We all know the potential to go on a streak is there, but his next 2 matchups are the top 2 teams in the table, so we’ll have a better idea where lukey stands after those big fixtures.

Arkansauce - 12 points - C
Understandably focused on the real soccer season he is in the middle of right now, but his fantasy team has certainly felt the pain because of it. He’s gotten a weekly high score, and multiple weekly low scores, so like many teams lacks consistency. We’ll see if his stud Madison can pull the team out of the mid table and towards the top.

Chabospurs - 6 points - B
His points total does not reflect the quality of team chabo has put together. Having scored only 30 points less than drake and dyl so far, he has ⅓ of the points. His fantasy defense is awful, but truth be told it ain’t his fault. Be on the lookout for this team to start rising back into relevance, and don’t be surprised to get in a dogfight with this currently relegation candidate.

Sausage fingers FC - 6 points - F
Can’t get around a ranking of F when you have non PL players on your squad, and it’s almost Halloween… the lowest point scoring team so far, lots of changes are necessary for this team to rise into any sort of contention. Can Owen make those changes? Or will he just continue to be bashed by the press for his inaction?

Big week coming up! Make sure to check who is injured and replace them with free agents! As always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Alrighty y’all, another week, another recap. Let’s get right into it!

Starting off with our top scorer of the week, and getting a multi win streak back for the first time since August, we have Lukey! He rode the best managerial decision of the week, starting Nketiah, to the tune of a 54 chicken McNugget piece. I heard that because of this performance, Luke is on the shortlist to be the next United manager…

Our bottom scorer of the week, can you guess who it is? Yeah that’s right, it’s Owen. All the same shit I say about his team every week still applies, so just checkout the past 9 other recaps. Also, I’ve heard rumors there may be a takeover of his club, with potential new owners circling. The asking price doesn’t seem to be the issue, but it would require a Chelsea level rebuild to get this team back into contention. We’ll see if any of them pull the trigger…

Some other shoutouts from around the league!

I know I write the recaps, but gonna do a little ego boosting right now. Shoutout to myself for hitting 7 wins in a row last week. Will anyone be able to take down the king of the hill ever again??

Julius stays hot, hitting 50+ for the second straight week. A team with haaland is never out of contention - rest of the league, beware.

Next week, a hotly contested pillow fight will occur between the bottom two teams, chabo and Owen. A must win for both sides if they hope to climb out of the basement.

Make sure you’re hitting the waiver wire if you have an injured squad. And don’t forget to set those lineups!

Alright alright alright! Gameweek 11 came and went, so it’s time to recap. Let’s get right into it!

Our top scorer this past week was Lukey! Barely sneaking it out over drake, and even with Romero getting -4 (!), his team put up almost 50 points. With this performance he also snapped my 7 game win streak. Big week for luke!

Our bottom scorers of the week, hilariously tying for this honor, are Julius and selig! Julius’s squad was just bang average across the board, with just 1 G/A and 0 clean sheets in his entire squad. Selig will live to regret this matchup, as he had 5 (!) players in his squad that played 0 minutes, and got 0 points. Just 1 of those guys playing one minute, and you save yourself some money and get a win in the process. Remember this day when 50 years the line your grandchildren ask you what your biggest regret was, Selig!

Officially, the policy is each of you will pay $2.50 to the high scorer, fyi.

Now for some other shoutouts across the league!

Chabo also had a spurs defender score -4 in Udogie. And he also won his matchup. Impressive feat.

Owen wasn’t the lowest scorer this week! 10 points to Hufflepuff!

Some big matchups this week, and with money and wins on the line, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas fellas! I know I’m sneaking this one in, but the recap is inevitable. So let’s get right into it!

The top scorer of the week was a tie for the first time ever! Selig and Julius will share the spoils of victory.

The bottom scorer of the week was Lukey! He ‘wins’ this distinction by only a single point over the second lowest scorer. Unfortunately for him only 2 of his 5 defenders played, and so he was stuck with a 0. The margins are that thin.

Some other shoutouts across the league:

Shoutout to Julius! He moves up to second, his highest league position since very early days. He’s accomplished this by scoring the least amount of points of any team that hasn’t sacked their manager. Some impressive defensive tactics. You must be training box defending over there.

Shoutout to chabo! He wins his fourth in a row, and is now only 3 points out of 3rd place!

Shout to Levi! The new manager bump didn’t materialize, and an abysmal showing was the result after week 1. But there is hope on the horizon! For the first time all year this team fielded a squad exclusively of premier league players! We’ll see if he can stop the teams current 7 match losing streak.

Some big games this week! Don’t forget to set your lineups!

Hello make believe soccer team managers! With midweek prem coming up for the first time in awhile, the recaps are going to be coming quick and often! So with that said, let’s get into it!

Our top scorer of the week was… drum roll please… myself! With my squad continuing to show that they’re the class of the league, a 12 point gap has opened up between first and the group fighting for second. Can you be crowned champion in December??

Our low scorer of the week was Julius!seemingly playing ping-pong between this shoutout spot and the one above it, Julius crashes from top scorer to bottom. How so much can change in a week!

Some other shoutouts across the league:

Shoutout to levi for escaping lowest scorer by 1 point this week, again! It’s becoming more obvious how much of a revamp the Sausage Fingers FC squad is going to need, plugging in a new manager hasn’t made the difference yet. However, this new manager was brought in for his ability on the transfer window. Let’s see if he can continue to make changes that positively impact the team.

Shoutout to lukey! Back at the top of the race for second, but it’s crowded. A big matchup with another contender for the position in Dyl looms large this week. Every game feels must win.

Shoutout to chabo! He scored the second most point this week, yet had the sheer terrible luck to be against the team scoring the most. He currently is on a streak of 3 straight gameweeks with 40+ points, the longest in the league right now.

Like I said at the beginning, this week is a quick turnaround! Make sure to hit the free agent pool and set those lineups!

Now that I’m done with my side-gig (paying job) for the day, I can focus on my real job (amateur sportswriter for make believe footy league). With deadlines (gameweeks) so tight, there’s no time to rest, and lots to catch up on. So let’s get right into it!

Starting with the usuals, our top scorer of the week was Julius! And with it, the most impressive win since bowdoin football snapped their 20 game losing streak against bates. Dishing donny only his third loss of the year, this victory was by a singular point. And it was Donny’s own who propelled victory for Julius, as wolves players averaged 7.5 points for him. This is a well earned $5.

Our bottom scorer of the week was Levi! It was always going to get worse before it got better. But 3 straight bottom two scoring weeks is bad, and his team looks uninspired going forward. Luckily, he has patient ownership, and time to mold this team. We’ll see how soon he can get the team playing the Morant Ball style his previous championship team embodied.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to drake! He has now catapulted himself into sole possession of second place. Got to get all 3 points when you play the team bottom of the table if you want to compete for championships. Job done this time.

Shoutout to Lukey! If this were chutes and ladders, this past week would have been a record bad turn. His loss, coupled with multiple wins by competitors around the league, drops him 3 spots in the standings all the way to fifth. Lucky for him he plays levi this week, so a chance to right the ship.

The next gameweek is tomorrow, so don’t forget to check for some cool new free agents. Make sure to set your lineups!

Alrighty, now that I’ve helped Flint Lockwood save Swallow Falls, it’s time to turn my attention back to happenings closer to home. Lots has happened, and we don’t want to miss anything, so let’s get right into it!

Starting off with the usual…

Our top scorer of the week was Dyl! Having quietly pumped out back to back top 3 scores the last two weeks, he makes the jump and was the class of this field this time around. Almost doubling up his opponent, this was a powerful statement. Whiles he’s only 4th in the standings, he’s scored the second most amount of points, and that all important stat leads me to believe he’ll continue to rattle off big weeks and climb the ladder.

Our bottom scorer award was shared this past week, with myself and Selig the “victors”. More yellow cards that goal contributions and clean sheets combined in what was a horrid week for The Big Bad Wolves. Now a loser of two in a row for the first time this year, his gap a top the table doesn’t look so big anymore. Selig had an equally miserable week, only scoring above 20 because Silva didn’t play and Tarkowski subbed on with a clean sheet. Won’t even start your favorite team’s players? Weak, IMO.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! Scoring in the top half of the league is his best yet. Yet he made the crucial mistake of selecting Vicario over Martinez. If he had done the opposite, it would have been a win and top scorer in the league. So there’s progress, but he hasn’t cracked the code yet. Trending upwards.

Shoutout to drake! Winner of 3 in a row, he’s closed the gap to the leader to the smallest it’s been in months. However, looking under the hood a little bit, he’s played the league’s bottom scorer in each of those wins. We’ll see what his matchup with lukey brings this week.

Big matchups coming up this week! Don’t forget to set those lineups!

Fellas fellas! Instead of your fix, we have a guest recapper trying his hand at it! So from the manager who officially got the first win of his tenure this past match… I give you this weeks recap!

—————————-

This past weekend saw some incredible heart-stopping action in the Prem! Too soon? He wasn’t dead nearly as long as Eriksen so I feel like it’s fair game…

Anyway, after some brief confusion, the matchweek was closed and we have some superlatives to hand out!

Let’s hear it for Donnie’s Big Bad Wolves as they stormed to a record-setting season-high 74 points! Selig never stood a chance. More than tripling his own lowest score from last week, Donnie has set the standard for excellence this season as he pulls 9 points clear at the top with an astounding 143-GD cushion to second as well. It’s his world and we’re just living in it.

Paying Donnie this week is….Drake Byrd with 33 points. Drizzy falls to third in the standings after a result that is especially gutting having lost by only two points to the next lowest scorer Lukey—the very same handsome devil who leapfrogged him in the table.

Elsewhere, Chabo made it 6 wins in his last 8 to pull clear of the relegation battle. Meanwhile the not-so-new manager bump finally kicked in as Levi pipped Julius by a mere 2 pts to earn his first win in charge. The first of many? Doubtful. Progress? Kind of. Julius? Embarrassed.

World XI fell to the bottom half of the table despite having scored the second most points this season; when asked for a comment, manager Dylan Reid said, “sorry, I’m watching attack on titan.”

It was also a blockbuster week for trades, with calls going out all the way past midnight. We saw half the league make moves with each including a blockbuster that saw Son ditch the relegation battle to join with league-leading Big Bad Wolves. Levi claims he “needed to shake things up” but reports suggest Son was discontent with his lack of trophy prospects—why he remains at Spurs we’ll never know.

The next matchweek is upon us with a Thursday match, so get those lineups set folks!

Alright y’all, festive fixtures means quick turnaround, so heeeerrrreeees the recap!

The top scoring prize this past week is shared by Dyl and Selig! In a low scoring week across the board, 35 points was the best anyone could muster. This is the lowest weekly high score so far this season, highlighting the offensive struggles league wide. But it’s not like these two care, they both get dubs and $2.50.

Paying out of pair of offensive studs is Julius! Predictably in trouble because of the city bye week, his team likely turned out worse that even he expected. He ends up tied for the second lowest score in the league this year. Now loser of 3 straight, since his defeat of the league leader, frustration is starting to build with his fan base. Could he be the next manager put on the hot seat?

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Dylan and jumps 4 places in the standings with his win this week into second place. The fight for second is really heating up, with 4 different teams sitting in that spot in the past 5 weeks. With 3 teams tied at 30, and one at 28, every point in that race is crucial.

Shoutout to Levi! Back to back wins for the first time this season. The manager has brought in an influx of talent recently, highlighted by Trent, kudus, Ferguson and Richarlison. He’s also got Toney and KDB hanging out on his bench, waiting, getting ready. He gets a big chance to test his metal against the league leaders this week. While not much is expected, any points or a close performance would continue the momentum he’s recently been building.

Waivers happen overnight while Santa is making his rounds, so if you want new players make sure to put them on your list today! And don’t forget to set those lineups!!

Merry festive fixtures! Games are happening fast, recaps are happening faster. So, let’s get right into it!

Starting with the usuals…

Our top scorer of the week was Lukey! The latest team to sit in 2nd place, a big 50 point burger helped him get it done. But was it just luck? He had 20+ points that subbed in from his bench. Well, who cares, better to be lucky than good. Make sure to use those $5 for a late secret Santa gift maybe (I really like scratch tickets fyi).

Our bottom scorer award of the week is shared between Levi and Dylan! A devastating triple 0 in the starting lineup for Levi, and only 2 players scoring more than 3 points for Dylan, these weak offenses really struggled. Lucky for them, they split the punishment, if that’s any consolation.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

A sad shoutout to Drake. He’s now lost 3 in a row, and two of those weeks have been by 3 or less points. This week was especially devastating, as a one point loss could so easily have been a win. And it doesn’t get any easier for him, as a matchup with Donny awaits.

A shoutout to the dysfunction going on at Sausage fingers fc right now. A massive blockbuster trade last week saw them being in the huge talent known as KDB. They spent a lot on the new signing, but the manager told the media he has attitude issues — doesn’t want to work hard in a relegation battle, and so he was DROPPED last week. Let it be known that changing managers can help, but sometimes it only masks the deeper issues. Clearly Sausage Fingers FC got the new manager bump, but there’s bigger issues at the heart of the club

Shoutout to Donny for picking KDB off the waiver wire!

Lineups lock very early tomorrow am! Don’t forget to set those lineups!

Alrighty fellas, it’s been a few weeks but your regularly scheduled program is back! It’s that time of week when we sing praise to the best performers of the week, and ridicule those who struggled. It’s the fantasy recap! Without further delay… let’s get right into it!

Starting off with our standard shoutouts…

Top scorer of the week goes to Donny! In a record high scoring week, four separate teams scored 50+ points. In the past 7 gameweeks there have only been four separate occasions in which a teams has scored 50+ in a week. So hats off to Donny for being the best in one of the strongest weeks in the league this year. He continues to set the standard.

Bottom scorer of the week is… drumroll please…. Drake! The only team not to eclipse 40 points. This is a historical bad beat for Drake as his 37 points are officially the highest lowest weekly score. I’ll pour one out for you big dawg.

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Dylan for putting up a strong 53 in a losing effort. A score of 53 would have been the high score in over half the gameweeks this year. I’ll pour one out for you too.

Shoutout to Sausage Fingers FC! After this last win, they’re now on their first winning streak of the season!

Lots of time before the next waivers, so make sure to put any claims in! And as always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

For those of you unaware, the biggest sensation in sports right now is Luke Littler. The 17 year old phenom has set the sporting world alight by becoming the youngest player ever to win a match at the World and Professionals Championships. Most famously just a few months before turning 17, he became the youngest ever competitor to achieve a perfect score in a televised competition. It’s fucking electric, check it out here: https://youtu.be/DdyZsA1c3C4?si=AQoyYxna7xfIp62P (https://youtu.be/DdyZsA1c3C4?si=AQoyYxna7xfIp62P)

Never heard of him? Not sure what sport he plays? It’s okay, I’m here to educate. He’s a darts player, the best talent in the sport. Nobody

Yet he would’ve been the 2nd best dart player on the field this past weekend in Spurs v Brentford, after Neal Maupay of course. The villain that the prem needs, and available on the waiver wire (!), his antics are must see tv.

JUST LIKE THIS LEAGUE

There is so much to get into, and I know I wasted half of y’all’s short attention spans with that rambling, so let’s go!

The top scorer this past week was Chabo! Four double digit performances powered his team to just shy of 60. He makes a jump in the standings this week too!

Our bottom scorer of the week was Dylan! It was an agonizing double-loss weekend (oh chelsea) for Dylan, one no one would wish on their worst enemy. Paying that Venmo going to be the cherry on top. Feeling for ya bud!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Donny is on a roll! Currently on a 6 game win streak in the league, he continues to runaway at the front.

Drake is in free fall! He is on the 6 game losing streak opposite Donny. Really shows how sport is a zero sum game. Maybe you’ll win this week!

At the top of the table Lukey has stretched his lead in 2nd to 6 points, the highest it has been at any point for any team in months. Then in the basement the gap has never been smaller between the bottom 3. Levi is only 4 points off Selig, as his rebuild looks to be ahead of schedule.

Quick turnaround this week lads, games are tomorrow! Make sure to set your captains
for the cup, and don’t forget to set your lineups!

Alright fellas! A few days late, but like the mailman, I always deliver. Heeeerrrreeee is your weekly recap!

Starting off with the headliners!

Top scorer, FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR, we have Sausage Fingers FC! A true validation for the new manager that he’s turned this once adrift club into one of the top teams in the league. This has been coming for a few weeks now, as the previous two times out his squad had finished second highest. And for the first time this season since WEEK 3, Levi is within 3 points of anyone else.

Our bottom scorer this week is Dylan! He joins a rare group of back to back winners, and is nearing crisis mode. Only 3 weeks off from a 50+ performance, his squad has put up a miserable 48 in the last 2 weeks combined. But, that’s what you get when you park the bus! Dylan started five defenders last week. They combined for, and I’m not kidding, 0 points. And yea… all of them played. It’s okay Dyl, this week will be different… right??

Some other shoutouts and storylines around the league:

Drake snaps his losing streak with a much needed victory against Selig, who is having major problems of his own in the fight at the bottom of the table. A stalling Arkansauce has lost 2 in a row, and his next opponent? Only the team on a 7 game win streak, has scored over 47 points in four consecutive weeks, and currently has a gap to second that is larger than the gap from second to last. The Big Bad Wolves. A tough matchup any week, but now the Son returns from the Asian Cup, he slots in next to KDB, next to Palmer, next to Bowen, next to Jota. Yeah, good luck Selig!

This means that Levi is looking likely to exit the bottom of the table if he can beat Julius. This past week Julius squeezed out a one point victory over Chabo to jump into 3rd place even though he’s scored the second least points this year.

With the loss, Chabo drops back into 6th place. He’ll hope for a boost from him newest signing Garnacho, in what will be a meeting between two desperate teams, when he matches up against Dylan this well.

Lukey has officially opened up a multi-game lead in second place from 3rd. In what looks like a race for second place, he seems best positioned for now.

Waivers has already passed, so make sure to check free agency! Don’t forget to set those rosters!

It’s the weekend! Well at least for us east coasters, sorry Julius. What better way to get in the mood than to read this week’s recap! So grab a beer, take a load off, and reminisce in the struggles and success of your fellow managers from this past week.

To start off your regularly scheduled program, we have the usuals!

Our top scorer this past week was THAT man Julius! A dominant performance against one of the league’s hottest teams in which 3 of his players scored in double digits. Fun fact, this is the first time all season that back to back weeks a team has scored 60+ points, with Levi accomplishing the front half of the one-and-one. Great work!

The worst fantasy manager last week was Lukey! Trying out a new name for this award, and wow it sounds a lot harsher than previous renditions. You should feel pain when in the bottom spot. There should be a fire lit in your belly when your name shows up in this part of the recap. Or just laugh it off, hehe. To each their own.

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Dylan lost his fourth in a row and is in a full on free fall down the table. Now down to fifth place (only above chabo in sixth because of GD) he needs to find answers soon. Lucky for him, some Egyptian dude will likely play again soon. And if that doesn’t work … who knows how far they could slide…

Shoutout to Drake! He has followed up his 6 game losing streak with a respectable 2 game win streak. He doubled up his opponent this week, and gets a favorable matchup against Dylan this week. We’ll have to see if he can continue his hot form.

Levi had his own 4 game win streak snapped this week, ending what had been his best run of matches this season.

Shoutout to Myself! My current 8 game win streak is the longest in the league this season, and I’ve extended my streak of scoring 45+ points to 5 games. I hope everyone is having as much fun as I am :)

Lots of teams on doubles this week! Maybe someone could make a good last minute addition to the squad. And as always, don’t forget to set those lineups!

Drake Byrd:
How can we collude to stop Donny from winning

Hello there handsome gentlemen, and Levi! We are justtttt about 2/3rds of the way through the season! The table has truly segmented itself into 3 separate groups, and today we’re going to take a look at each one.

But first, our usual shoutouts!

Top scorer of the week was Julius! Again! Joining a rare group of managers to win this award in back to back weeks, and becoming THE FIRST manager this season to score 60+ points in back to back weeks. This man is a fortune teller, predicting his own rise to 2nd place last week, and making good on that prediction. He now has a chance to widen the gap from himself in 2nd to lukey in 3rd as they go head to head in the match of the week. Make sure to tune in!

Bottom scorer of the week, Drake! In a high scoring week he just didn’t have the guns to get it done, and was the only team to score under 40 points. This result drops Drake to his lowest place in the table to date at 6th place. When will this slide stop?

Now getting back to the intro, let’s look at the 3 separate groupings in the table right now!

THE TOP DOG:
1. Donny - 63 points
Absolutely running away with it, he now has an insurmountable 23 point gap to second place. The countdown is now on, and officially the magic number is 6. Six wins and the championship is locked up.

THE TIGHTY TIGHTIES:
2. Julius - 40 points
3. Lukey - 39 points
4. Dylan - 36 points
5. Chabo - 36 points
6. Drizz - 36 points
Only 4 points is separates 2nd to 6th! Each win and loss has major implications in the table, and so each matchup must be treated like life or death. Some big matchups this week between teams in this group. As mentioned earlier, Lukey v Julius, and also we have chabo v Drake. Don’t take your eye off of these matchups!

BOTTOM BUNK GUYZOS:
7. Selig - 25 points
8. Levi - 24 points
The fight at the cellar has never been closer. Levi is looking to jump out of last place for the first time all year, and Selig is desperately trying to avoid popping his 8th place cherry. Nobody wants to finish last, but someone has to…

A lot of off weeks for big teams this gameweek, so make sure you’re checking and setting your lineups!

Fellas Fellas! Another week, another recap. Let’s get right into it!

Top scorer of the week was Donny! His Big Bad Wolves scored 72 points, the second highest amount this season. Every week his team continues to set new standards. This week by bringing home their 10th straight win and their 7th consecutive week scoring 45+ points. The only complaint one could have with his team during this streak is their lack of top scorer awards. Well, now they’re back doing that too. The magic number is down to 4, and is getting smaller every week.

Our bottom scorer of the week was Levi! With a league record low total of 4 points, he now much pay for his choices to the fee of $5. And why did Levi only score 4 points this week? Well, levi likely recognized his matchup vs Donny was a guaranteed loss, but he didn’t want Selig to gain any ground on him in the fight at the bottom. So he might have figured out who’s playing Selig, and traded with them to ensure Selig would lose. But idk, It’s just a theory. To Levi though, it was worth $5!

Some other shoutouts across the league!

Shoutout to Lukey! In a direct battle for second place with Julius he came out victorious, taking back the position. This breaks his 3 game losing streak which had let Julius back into the race.

Shoutout to Dylan! He played Selig this week, and with a Levi-supported squad he was able to beat Selig and keep himself within touching distance of 2nd place. A massive matchup with Julius awaits him this upcoming week.

Shoutout to Selig! Now on a 5 game losing streak after his defeat by the Levi-enhanced Dylan, Selig is certainly the manager with the most pressure on him right now. Looking ahead, he has the biggest matchup potentially of the season this week against Levi. A relegation 6 pointer! The loser will drop to 8th, and winner will take a massive 3 points from the battle. Be sure to keep an eye on this one, especially if Dylan has any sort of concessions to make after him and Levi’s “trade” last week.

Waiver are tomorrow (I think ?), so plenty of time to check out who’s available. As always, don’t forget to set your lineups!

An exciting week, as always is the case, has come and gone. While there wasn’t too much movement in the table this week, there were some key results that deserve recognition.

But first, we start with the usual shoutouts!

Our top scorer of the week, for the second time in a row, is Donny! Not much more can be said about this team, as the record breaking continues every week. I won’t brag too much here :) and instead will just humbly ask for my $5 from…

Our lowest scorer of the week, who was Dylan! Paying the price for his deal with the devil (Levi) last week, he had to field a weak and injured team. This led to only a 34 point total, the only team to not reach 40 this week. He’ll look to bounce back with his full lineup his matchup next week.

Some other shoutouts from across the league!

Shoutout to Levi! HE HAS ESCAPED THE CELLAR FOR THE FIRST TIME ALL SEASON. The Sausage Finger FC fans are ecstatic, singing his praises and raising banners with his face on it after the massive defeat of fellow bottom-dweller Selig. In his post game presser you would expect an overly jubilant attitude. Yet he kept his composer, telling the world “This is what I was brought in to do” and he kept expectations for the rest of the season low saying “this team and I will be satisfied with not bottom”. But you could tell he was holding back behind his poker face, and with the gap to 6th sitting at 9 points, maybe he has his eyes set higher than 7th.

Elsewhere across the league, Julius and Luke both won to keep pace with each other for second place. They’ve now opened up a multi-game gap to the restaurant of the mid table group. Dylan, Drake and chabo all lost leaving them stagnant in the positions. With only 11 gameweeks left, we’re getting into crunch time.

Big matchups this week across the board. Don’t forget to set your lineups!

As all of you probably know, during the day I spend my hours as a software engineer. My company, MITRE, recently created an internal version of ChatGPT that we’ve been given access to. I would also consider myself a resourceful guy, and tried to utilize it best I could. Now unless you’ve been living under a rock you know that using AI to code is a divisive issue, one which is thought of skeptically at best by the majority of software engineers. But come on, sometimes I don’t want to do my job, they’ll never notice if I use the AI a little bit right? Well, haha, the other day I got an email from the people that are responsible for our AI saying “You’re one of the top 5 users in our entire company” … Did I really use it that much?!?!

Yes. User #3 right here. Self proclaimed addict.

But I can’t help myself. In fact, I decided to write the recap with ChatPGT. Maybe this will be a good test if people can figure out if stuff I produce is my work, or the work of AI…

Starting with the usual summaries!

The Big Bad Wolves unleashed their fantasy prowess, roaring to victory with a commanding score of 60 points. Their strategic planning and astute player selections paid off handsomely, solidifying their dominance on the pitch.

Meanwhile, gycoftl found themselves on the wrong end of the scoreboard, mustering only 22 points in a challenging matchup. As per tradition, they will have to pay $5 to The Big Bad Wolves for their struggles. Congratulations to the Wolves on their triumph, and better luck next time to gycoftl—they'll have to regroup and come back stronger in the next gameweek.

Shouting Across the League: This week's matchups brought forth a symphony of cheers, groans, and everything in between as teams clashed in the quest for fantasy football glory.

Chabospurs put up a commendable effort, but The Big Bad Wolves' dominance prevailed as they secured another victory. With this win, The Big Bad Wolves continue their reign at the top of the league, while Chabospurs faces the challenge of climbing up the standings.

Despite their best efforts, gycoftl couldn't match the prowess of Sancho Been Gone, who clinched a convincing win. Sancho's victory propels them further up the league ladder, while gycoftl finds themselves in need of a turnaround to avoid slipping down the rankings.

Arkansauce23 and Onana whats my name engaged in a closely contested battle, but it was Onana's strategic maneuvers that secured the win. With this victory, Onana's team continues their ascent up the league standings, while Arkansauce23 remains in the middle of the pack, aiming for a surge towards the top.

Sausage Fingers FC faced a formidable challenge against Werld XI, who emerged victorious with a commanding performance. Werld XI's win solidifies their position near the top of the league, while Sausage Fingers FC looks to bounce back in the next round to improve their standing.

Next week's matchups are brewing like a fine cup of tea, but beware, some players are taking an unexpected siesta—managers, don't forget to check waivers and set your lineups to avoid a fantasy fiasco!

Wow, the AI really nailed those prompts! I'm proud of how spot-on and engaging the responses turned out. But wait… is this also written by AI?

Guess y’all will never know where my recaps end, and the AI’s recaps begin…

Wow, what a game week we just had. Probably the biggest test managers have had all year. Do you transfer in a lineup of players with games? But risk losing quality starters to get them? Tough choices had to be made. And they were. Let’s get into all of it and more!

Starting with our usuals still, of course.

Sausage Fingers Fc almost doubles everyone up and comes away with the prize this week! One of the managers that made a concerted effort to field a quality team, his decisions seemingly paid off to the tune of 38 points. Now that may not seem crazy, but the second closest total was only 20 points … that’s domination. We’ll get to who scored those 20 points later on, so for now, congrats Levi! This is a massive result, one heavily influenced by the manager.

Bottom scorer of the week was a tie(!) between Dylan and Chabo, who scored a measly 6 points. Both were managers who decided against making moves on the waiver wire, and their decisions have cost them $2.50 each. Levi had 3 players who scored enough individually to beat y’all’s teams, yeeeesh. And not a great time to lose for either manager, as Dylan’s falter gives luke an 8 point lead for second place, and Chabo’s loss puts him only 6 points above Levi in 7th place, the smallest that gap has been since close to the beginning of the season.

Some other shoutouts this week!

Shoutout to Drake! He scored the second most amount of points this week with … drumroll please … 20! So as long as he played anyone but Levi it’s a win! Tough luck, Drizzy. Of course he was playing Levi. Fantasy can be a cruel, cruel sport.

Shoutout to Donny! He registers the lowest point total (9) to ever win a matchup. Luck was on his side, and his win streak continues. He’s now within touching distance of the ultimate prize: the league title! One more win will (essentially) put him beyond the grasp of the rest of the field. Mathematically the magic number is 2, but 1 really claims it. It’s felt inevitable for a long time now, but it’s still a fun feeling actually claiming it. Relish it.

Shoutout to Lukey for building the aforementioned 8 point gap between himself and 2nd place. The largest it has been in weeks. He has to win to keep any remote amount of pressure on Donny, so this week is big. But really the goal is 2nd, and he has time and time again just nosed ahead of the rest of the pack this season. Let’s see if he can stay there.

Shoutout the Selig! He breaks a 7 game losing streak to remind everyone that he’s still here. Is there any fight left to get his squad out of the basement???

Longgggg break before the next match week. Don’t forget to check waivers, there’s lots of good players out there! And don’t forget to set your lineups!

Howdy Y’all! Wow, it’s been so long I don’t even know what to say. Maybe I’ll start with some small talk… so how’s work? Where you living again? Dylan do you still support Chelsea?

Alright, now that the awkwardness is out of the way, let’s layout how this recap is going to go. First, we’ll start with a tally of high and low scores from the past month. Then we’ll take a look at how each team has fared since our last check-in.

Now without further ado, let’s get right into it!

Our top scorers from the last month were Donny (x3) and Drake! The Big Bad Wolves have not slowed down since we last recapped, and have continued their historic season. Their offensive output has only dipped below 45 once in their past 13 matchups. Drake sneaked his top scorer in this past week with a strong performance from his main man Bruno.

Our bottom scorers from the last month were Julius (x1.5), Dylan (x0.5), Selig and Lukey! Pretty evenly spread out amongst the league, with Dylan and Julius tying for the honor back in gameweek 32. And dont worry everyone, Drake and I are conferring who will Venmo request who :)

Now let’s check in around the league, going from the bottom of the standings to the top.

8th - 34pts - 1206 scored - Arkansauce
Selig has gone a respectable 2-2 in the past month. With an understandable loss to Donny, he still managed to snag 2 big wins to keep him within touching distance of the rest of the field. And with an absolutely matchup against 7th place (spoiler alert!) Levi, he has a real chance to get out of the cellar for the first time in a long time.

7th - 37pts - 1172 scored - Sausage Fingers FC
The only team to make a mid season manager change this year, and he’s been a revelation. First bringing this sorry and forgotten (literally) team out of last place, he’s kept them trending upwards by going 2-1-1 in their last four. And his sights are set higher than not last, as (spoiler alert!) Chaban in 6th is only 2 points ahead. As mentioned in the previous section, Levi’s team is one of the biggest matchups of the year against Selig currently. This could decide what the bottom of the table finished like, or could blow the whole thing back open. Make sure to follow along!

6th - 39pts - 1271 scored - Chabospurs
The Chabospurs looked a bit uninspired the second half of the season, and their 1-3 record in their past 4 does really represent the results that their fans have come to expect. But management wasn’t just going to sit around and let this team limp to a bottom half finish! So they made a blockbuster - sending away their star player in Saka, a solid piece in Neto and a salary match in Eduard for the prowess of Toney potential of Luis Dias, with some McSauce on the side. So far the trade hasn’t brought victories, but in the last month of the season they will be the crucial pieces who need to perform if the Chabospurs want to finish the season on a high note.

5th - 44pts - 1221 scored - gycoftl
It’s been a hard few months for Julius and his squad. At one point, not too long ago, he was tied for second and fighting for sole possession of it. Now his team is in the bottom half of the table and dropping fast with only 1 point gained out the last possible 12. Two lowest scorers isn’t even the worst part, as there are currently players in their starting 11 that have season ending injuries. If any team were to make a late season manager change, it would be this one. However, it seems that upper management won’t bother, and the manager will be allowed to finish out the season. His contract for next year is one of the hottest topics around the league. Let’s see if this team will fight for their manager in the last month, or if they all already have a foot onto a plane headed for Ibiza instead.

4th - 48pts - 1263 - Sancho Been Gone
A real sweet treat for Drake to get a highest scorer in the last month, as outside of that it’s been a pretty pedestrian stretch. Going 2-2, hovering around mid table, this team is respected by all but feared by none. They’re kind of like a box of chocolates. However the good news for them is they’re only missing out on 3rd due to the points scored tiebreaker. And with matchups against the bottom 3 teams the next 3 weeks, he has a real chance to make a real move. If this were an FPL fixtures table, he would be seeing all green.

3rd - 48pts - 1301 scored - Werld XI
Another team that hasn’t really knocked the socks off the league this last month, but also hadn’t lost ground, Dylan and guided his side to a 2-2 record this past month. He is in a tight battle with drake for 3rd place, and every matchup remaining matters. Exactly opposite to Drake, Dylan has to play both of the top 2 teams in the next 3 weeks. Red fixtures all throughout his table. He’ll likely need to secure a surprise victory in there to give himself a chance to keep pace with drake this final month. A tough task, but something you got to do if you want to finish 3rd.

2nd - 57pts - 1319 scored - Onana What’s my Name
In a league that has been fighting for second best for the better part of the last 4 months, Lukey’s managerial moves has lifted his team into prime position. While not officially locked into 2nd place yet, it’s really just a matter of time. Even though he’s dropped 6 points from his last 12, his team this week is on pace to set the record for most points in a week, and just one more win in the last month will seal it. Kudos to you Lukey, the only other team above .500 besides he who shall not be named.

1st - 87pts - 1665 scored - The Big Bad Wolves
He who shall not be named has continued his utter domination. Going 4-0 with 3 top scorer awards over the last month, this is a level of performance that we have never seen, and likely won’t ever again. He’s clinched the title weeks ago, and is currently in the semi-finals of the League Cup. One special achievement that is still within his reach is becoming a Centurion. He cannot lose any of his remaining 5 matchups, and can only afford 1 tie, and the honor will be his. And with 3 of his remaking matchups against bottom half teams, dare I say he could do it. Wouldn’t that just be the way to cal this historical season.

Whew! Congrats to anyone who made it through that with me! That’s what happens when you procrastinate I guess.

Some real big matchups to end the season, and so much potential movement in spots 3-8 still possible. With lots of double gameweeks coming up, make sure you’re checking the waivers to set your best lineups!

Hey hey hey! We’re back with another recap this week. Apologies for letting 2 weeks pass, but I was in the kitchen with metroboomin cheffin up that BBL Drizzy beat, so have been preoccupado. Speaking of Spanish, shoutout to our brotha Popquiz Drizzy for holding it down in Honduras. I hope you come home with both kidneys, and a fly ass Latina honey. If there’s match fixing, there’s got to be some fly ass Latina honeys down there two.

This recap is not for the current week, but the previous 2. So, without further ado, let’s get right into it!

Our top scorers of the past 2 weeks were Lukey and Donny! Nobody wants to hear anymore about my team’s dominance I’m sure, so instead let’s take a look at Onana What’s my Name’s record breaking performance. Luke finished GW34 with an insane 103 points, and that was with one of his players scoring negative points. 6 of his players scored 10+ points, and everyone player besides 2 scored 6+. Just insane. To put this in the context of the league this year, no team has scored 100+, 90+, or even 80+ in a week before. Take a bow lukey, quite the nightcap to a strong second half of the season.

Our bottom scorers were Chabo Chabo. And no, that’s not me listing the sound Chaban would make if he were a Pokémon, he actually got lowest scorer twice. Like his favorite team Tottenham, it’s been a tough month for his fantasy squad. And while it looked like a mid-ish table finish was secured, he’s now only 2 points above 8th place. If his team can’t scrape together a win in these next two match weeks, it’s looking very much like a relegation position finish for the Chabospurs.

Some other shoutouts around the league!

Shoutout to Selig! He won the massive bottom of the table battle against Levi in week 34, and is looking likely to beat chabo this week. That will put him in the drivers seat for 6th place, something none of the pundits would have thought possible just a month or two ago.

Shoutout to Drake! He officially ended my bid to be a centurion by eeking out a 1 point victory. Handing me only my 5th loss of the year, congrats drizzy, that is no small feat.

Shoutout to Julius and Dylan! Y’all get the kiss your sister award for tying in GW 34. Interesting to note, next year the co-commissioners have decided to make a rule that if you tie, you must each pay everyone else in the league $1. Lesson here: don’t tie.

While the top the league (1st and 2nd) is decided, there is plenty of potential for movement elsewhere in the table. 6th-8th are separated by 2 points, and 5th-3rd are separated by 3 points. With a massive double gameweek coming up, make sure to hit the waivers and set those lineups to maximize your chance of climbing up the table!

Wow, and just like that, there are ONLY TWO gameweeks left. This FPL season has been long, it’s been a grind, it’s chewed up managers and spit them out the other side. But still, relief is not here yet as there is still plenty to play for. Something I’ve learned from watching Leverkusen this season: the game doesn’t actually start until stoppage time; and looking towards the bottom of the table, it seems like there’s a whole new season that’s going to play out these final week.

But before we get into that, let’s start with the usual!

Our top scorer of the week was Julius! Despite the manager publicly decreeing his players washed and their season over, his team did not listen! Probably playing in spite of (instead of for) their manager, they produced gycoftl’s highest point total of the season to the tune of 74. Do we give credit to the manager? To the players? Well, I guess the manager-to-be-named below can try venmoing Haaland $5. His Venmo is probably erling-Haaland. Yeah! You know what, screw Julius, Venmo Erling!

Our bottom scorer of the week was everyone’s new favorite starter Pokémon, Chabo! It’s the third week in a row him. But hey, he’s currently taking his final test in his first year of law school, so he’s been busy. But it does beg the question, in 10 years will you remember anything from that test, or that you’re now in the driver’s seat for last place in FPL? I’m no betting man, but my money is on the later, especially if Levi is still around to remind everyone.

Some other shoutouts this week!

Shoutout to Donny! After having only 4 loses in 34 match weeks, it’s now 2 losses out of his last 3. While this title race feels like an F1 with Verstappen wayyyy out in the lead, he still complains to his race engineer when everything isn’t perfect. He wants to win by 30 seconds, not 25. Alas, a win is a win, but just know I’m never satisfied.

Shoutout to Dylan! On a four match unbeaten streak, he only needs one win from his final two to guarantee a podium finish. Something very respectable to hang your hat on, and maybe even print out and tape to the fridge.

Now let’s take a look at the race-for-relegation! The bottom 3 currently looks like this:

Selig - 40pts - 1359 scored
Levi - 40pts - 1335 scored
Chabo - 39pts - 1351 scored

Looking ahead at their fixtures, none of them play each other, so each week they’ll be actively checking each other’s matchups.

Remaining schedule:
Selig - Drake, Donny
Levi - Luke, Julius
Chabo - Julius, Dylan

No cupcakes there, each matchup is going to be tightly contested. Some key ones to look out for will be Selig v Donny on the final day, and Levi v Luke this week, as Lukey is in a cup final and will 100% be maximizing his lineup. Chabo may get away with playing 2 mid table teams that won’t be setting their lineups, but he doesn’t set his either sometimes so not sure it’s an advantage.

The points scored tiebreaker is tight, but Selig holds a decent margin over Levi, so likely Levi will need to better Seligs point total to finish outside the bottom two. Chaban needs to hope for a slip-up above him to have a real chance. But remember, this is a relegation race! No team is down here because they pump out points week after week. So someone is going to lose a match, the question is, can the other guys win when it matters most…

Lots of doubles this week, so plenty of opportunities to put points on the board. I expect some high scoring matchups. And even if you’re not in the bottom 3, with so much on the line for them, please make sure we’re all setting our lineups!

Fellas, to quote the famous band Europe, “it’s the final countdown! Dun nuh nuh nuhhhh, dun dun dun duh duhhhhhh, dun nuh nuhhhh nuhhh nuhhhhhh, dun nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh nuh”. One game week left, one chance to prove once and for all that your make believe soccer team is better than everyone else’s, or maybe just Chaban’s. With so much in the line all across the table, including a preview of a NEW special weekly award, we have much to discuss.

But first! The usuals!

Our top scorer from the previous week was Lukey! Coming up just 1 point short of another hundred-piece McNugget box, he now has the only 2 tallies of 80+, 90+, and the only 100+ score this league has ever seen. His late season surge has resulted in a domestic cup win, congrats! Along with a $200 prize, he gains entry to the community shield version of our NEW weekly award, which I will discuss more in a bit.

Our bottom scorer, penultimate loser of $5, is Professor Oak’s suggested starting Pokémon: Chabo Chabo. Now 4 in a row, this marks the longest consecutive streak of the lowest point total. But get this, he can still finish not bottom. It’s not entirely in his control, but he has a chance. Let’s see if he’ll set his lineup this am…

Taking a look around the league, what is left to play for today???

Starting from the bottom, Chabo absolutely need a win or he will finish dead last. Being 1 point behind Levi and 4 behind Selig, 6th place is out of reach. He must win, and Levi must lose, in order for him to escape the BMS Mariana Trench.

Levi similarly has a chance to jump up out of the relegation places (bottom 2). Selig is 3 points up on him, but with only an 8 point advantage in points for due to Levi’s massive 80 point outburst last week (unfortunately for him it was against Lukey, so it resulted in a loss). He’s got a great lineup this week, and he’s made some trades to further solidly his team. He’ll be watching closely today for all his players to do well, and maybe might pay attention to Arsenal too. But I doubt it, everyone knows fantasy takes precedence.

Selig is in the position where he controls his own destiny. Up 3 points on Levi, all he needs is to avoid defeat and he secures 6th place. For a manager who seemingly told his team he was going out to buy milk, and never came back, his players have rallied and given him pole position in this relegation battle. Will he check and set his lineup today? Has Donny ever dunked a basketball? You would think so right… I mean he’s 6’5”… but have you ever seen Donny jump…? We shall see!

Drake Julius and Dylan are in an eerily similar situation fighting for 3rd as the bottom 3 for 6th. Drake can climb as high as 4th, Julius can drop to 5th or climb to 3rd, and Dylan needs to *push push* to keep them both at bay and secure his podium finish.

Now for the top 2. As the domestic cup winner (Lukey) and league winner (Donny) they have both been entered into the community shield this weekend. This community shield will decide who will be the first winner and holder of the LINEAL BELT. Next season, whoever posses the LINEAL BELT will be defending it every week against their opponent, the challenger. The matchup will always include a $5 wager, and the $5 and belt will be passed to, or retained, by the winner of the matchup. This will become one of our usual weekly awards, and us co-commissioners are really excited to get this going. And yes, we’re thinking of buying an actual belt…

Last week of the season gentlemen! Everyone has someone to play for, so everyone should be checking waivers and their teams. So PLEASE, set your lineups! And may the best managers win!

FPL Final Recap

Wow. The final one. Recap 38. I can’t help but shed a tear.

Usually when these recaps are late it’s because I’ve had a busy week. Working in a basement with no windows, watching marble races on YouTube, thinking of jokes to break drake’s mental stake with some zingers about Man United, ya know, just life.

But this time, I’ve been procrastinating because I didn’t want it to end. This recap is the final stone in the arch. Once it’s put into place, all you can do is take a step back and marvel at its brilliance. And this season has been brilliant. So to all the guy in this group that participated, even if you later got kicked out (@Owen), I appreciate you all!

Now, enough with my rambling, I’m talking more than Levi at Thorne during dinner time, let’s get right into it!

First, our usual shoutouts!

Top scorer of the week is … drumroll please … Lukey! He wraps up the final 5 weeks of the season by taking 3 of these awards, and it has translated directly into trophies. The cup winner, the FIRST EVER lineal belt holder, and resounding 2nd place medal, all of which were bolstered by his incredible run of form towards the end of the season. Enjoy these $5. I bet they feel sweet.

Bottom scorer of the week, and the man who will now become the longest running lowest scorer (in days not gameweeks…) is Julius! 6 out of the 7 other players doubled him up, and Drake only didn’t because 6 of his guys didn’t play a single minute. One of the more frequent managers in this award during the later half of the season, there is lots to be proud of in his season, but not this week. Definitely not this week.

And in it’s debut as a usual, we have ~Bruce Buffer Voice~ “this fight has been scored 58 to 46 for the winner, and so by 12 points, and the NEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW lineal belt champion is Lukey!!!!!!!” He will not start next season with that strong distinction, and week one will need to immediately defend it. Rest up this summer Lukey, no slow starts to the next season for you.

Alright! Instead of shoutouts this week, I’ll do some end of the season awards, and then we’ll have a 10 minute Millsy banquet video to play, which will be 10 minutes of the best almost goals…

The “Ryan Tilman” Award —> This award goes to the manager that embodies the spirit of Ryan Tilman, while he was on BMS. You need to only be around for a very short time, and you need to be destructive, and harm the competitiveness of the environment as much as possible. And the winner is … Owen! Drafting and playing, for 12 straight game weeks, 2 players in the Saudi and Croatian leagues. But alas, his time in this league was short lived. Hey, at least you didn’t tear anybody’s ACL…

The “This is why we don’t score goals!” Award —> This award goes to the manager that scored the least amount of points throughout the season. And the winner is … Chabo! He was the recipient of 4 of the last 5 lowest scorer shoutouts, and finishes with less points than a team that had Mitrovich on it until Thanksgiving.

The “Ethan! You’re a midfielder!” Award —> This award goes to the manager who really struggled at the tail end, when expectations were high. And the winner is … Donny! After clinching the title with over 2 months remaining and an incredible 17 match win streak, he finishes a measly 3-4-0, missing out on a cup double and becoming a Centurion.

The “Millsy Practice Plan” Award —> Given to the manager whose transactions made just about as much sense as any drill that Millsy tried to run by himself. And the winner is … Levi! This one is highlighted by the infamous KDB trade, or as I’ve dubbed, the Kevin Conundrum.

The “Donny right before a morning practice” Award —> This award goes to the manager who everyone is trying to get a hold of, but either because he’s still asleep 5 minutes before practice starts, or he’s doing what people from Arkansas do. And the winner is … Selig! Despite being in a relegation battle all year long, when other managers reached out to make trades, he often stonewalled them with an unbeatable move: ghosting.

The “Owen Fifty Push-ups” Award —> This award goes to the manager who unfairly get ridiculed infant of a large crowd for absurd reasons. Ad the winner is … Dylan! It’s not your fault that when you were a child you chose to be a Chelsea fan. But yeah, wow, up until this last month or so it’s been a tough time. Don’t let the recency bias make you forget all those double Chelsea and FPL loses. But on a positive note, Dylan did finish on the bottom step of the podium this season, so little shoutout for that.

The “Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha” Award —> This award goes to the manager who I couldn’t think of a clever award for, and so I’ve names it after the phrase everyone hears when Scott can’t think of anything to say either. And the winner is … Lukey! I’ve glazed you enough in this recap.

The “Games Played is the most important stat” Award —> This award goes to the manager that didn’t ride the bench, but also wasn’t an absolute stud. Just a guy who got consistent minutes, was solid, and had a good time. And the winner is … Drake! Never really threatening to get relegated, and never really threatening for the top of the table, drake just played games. He showed up each week, had his matchup, won some, and lost a few more. But he played all 38 matches. Shoutout Drizzy, that’s a lot of GPs.

The “Food Crew” Award —> This award goes to the manager that always forget to return the cooler back to Moulton or empty the fridge. This manager left at least 1 injured or suspended player in his lineup for EVERY WEEK OF THE YEAR. And the winner is … Julius! Remember Julius, injured players don’t get points, just like how chocolate milk doesn’t stay good for 3 weeks…

Fellas, it’s been an absolute honor. To the guys who will be leaving us, ~toodles~. It’ll be a different league without ya. To the guys who will be joining, buckle up. This is gonna be more intense than any game of monopoly you’ve ever played. I hope you’re ready for it… :)